When Does It Become Cheating?
Affair Healing Blog
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2y ago
Couples can get into muddy waters when it comes to one person feeling really “off” about their spouse’s “friendship” with someone who could become a romantic partner. This can lead to a lot of fights about what is cheating. Does it have to involve physical contact?  These debates don’t actually sooth anyone: the partner who feels there is an inappropriate relationship stays upset and the partner in the other relationship feels judged and defensive. What to do? Let’s define an emotional affair. There are a few parts of it here. The first is obvious. It's a one to one personal relationsh ..read more
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Multiple Affairs: Best Hope for Change
Affair Healing Blog
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3y ago
In Recovery Room podcast #502, counselor Jennifer Gingras and I discuss issues related to someone who has had repeated affairs. Let's focus on just one questions: If a marriage has any hope for healing after repeated infidelities, what is the one thing that matters most? What is the best predictor of genuine, lasting recovery (assuming the betrayed partner decides to stay)? First, let me list some circumstances that are not most important in relationship recovery from multiple affairs. Although these may all be part of the recovery process, they will not matter if the one thing is missing.&nb ..read more
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A Course for Betrayed Partners
Affair Healing Blog
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3y ago
Now Available: Early access to our new course, Affair Healing for Betrayed Partners. The course includes over 80 lessons, exercises, worksheets, and extra resources. This early release of the course includes all the primary content from my book Affair Healing: A Manual for Betrayed Spouses, updated and formatted for the course, along with additional material. Everyone who purchases the course now will have access to all future upgrades (video, audio, new resources) available in the full version by the end of the year. Topics covered in the course: Your Options, Your Choice The Other Woman ..read more
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A New Perspective On His Affair
Affair Healing Blog
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3y ago
In this episode of the "Dear Therapists" podcast, hosts Guy Winch and Lori Gottlieb focus on helping a man who left his family to be with his affair partner. Troubled by the perspectives his ex-wife and friends seem to have of him, he asks the therapists for help. You'll have to put up with a few commercials, but it's well worth the listen ..read more
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Emotional First Aid - Book Review
Affair Healing Blog
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3y ago
After listening to a podcast interview with Guy Winch, the author of Emotional First Aid, I ordered and read his book. ​While it does not focus specifically on affair recovery, most of the problems addressed in the book are commonly experienced in the affair healing process. In each chapter, the author (a practicing psychologist) discusses an emotional wound using real-life examples and then offers practical research-based remedies.  Each of these emotional wounds is covered in a chapter of the book: Rejection, Loneliness, Loss & Trauma, Guilt, Rumination, Failure, and Low Self-Estee ..read more
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The Unimaginable
Affair Healing Blog
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4y ago
With Disney's film release of the musical, Hamilton, I've finally been able to understand the obsession of those who witnessed the theater production. It's an amazing creation that stirred many emotions while I watched and listened to this creative telling of Alexander Hamilton's life and the birth of a nation. One song, in particular, produced a flow of tears. It's Quiet Uptown follows two tragic events in the story: Hamilton's public humiliation over his confessed affair and the death of his son. These cause an estrangement between Alexander and his wife, Eliza. But they choose to do the u ..read more
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Healing Steps of the Injured Partner
Affair Healing Blog
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4y ago
Following an affair, the recovery of the marriage is not the only option. But partners who decide to heal together will take different steps toward that goal. ​The vertical pairing of the steps listed below depicts how partners are connected to each other’s experiences and actions. Discovery should be met with disclosure. One partner’s trauma should lead to the other’s remorse which, in turn, can shorten the traumatic ordeal. Empathy should be offered to pain. Honesty needs to be met with acceptance. Atonement encourages forgiveness, and both partners must take the vulnerable risks necessary ..read more
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Healing Steps of the Involved Partner
Affair Healing Blog
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4y ago
The healing of a marriage/relationship after an affair is not a passive process. There is no recovery conveyor belt to carry you from one stage to the next. The only way to reach your preferred destination is by walking the right path, step by step. Couples who hope to heal together can expect to stumble. A lot. They will need to frequently adjust their footing to get back in sync. Knowing their desired destination can only be reached by taking the difficult journey together, both partners must cooperate in their efforts. Consider the steps the Involved Partner (the one who had the affair) m ..read more
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The Uncertainty of Divorce
Affair Healing Blog
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4y ago
We might get the impression that once a spouse decides they want a divorce, the move to the end the marriage quickly becomes the certain choice of both partners. By the time the divorce is finalized, both partner's are likely confident about the difficult choices they are making. The Doherty Institute released this video addressing research that points to the uncertainty that some couples continue to feel about the choice they are making. Is it too late for those couples to give their marriage another chance ..read more
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Divorce: Are the Kids Better Off?
Affair Healing Blog
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4y ago
Marriages sometimes end for legitimate or necessary reasons, but one reason often presented for divorce is the idea children should be witness to a happy marriage. The argument goes something like this: If the marriage is no longer a "happy one" then perhaps the kids would be better off if their parents found a more fulfilling relationship. This new video from the Doherty Relationship Institute provides a perspective on the issue ..read more
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