Are you feeling the hurt and pain of having a partner physically or emotionally cheat on you? Are you wondering whether you can still salvage the relationship? If so, there are so many different emotions playing out inside you right now. What's more, you're likely also getting advice (solicited and unsolicited) from friends and family. They may even be throwing around adages like... Once a cheater, always a cheater. Or... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It's true, infidelity can certainly mean the end of a relationship. It's an incredibly difficult issue to heal from ..read more

At the Gay Couples Institute, we've helped all kinds of gay and lesbian couples with managing relationship conflict. Over the years, we noticed many lesbian couples would come in asking the same question... Do couples in a butch/femme dynamic fare any better than other lesbian couples? That inspired us to do some research. You see, these couples, like all others, want to know the secret to a successful and healthy relationship. We're going to share with you what we believe is the key to just such a relationship. But first, after reviewing 20 studies on lesbian relationships, we want to let yo ..read more

Every year, we at the Gay Couples Institute see many gay and lesbian couples asking for help around open relationships. Sometimes the couples demonstrate a success story of how an open relationship can work positive benefits into both partners' lives. Other times, we've seen how an open relationship can be destructive. We did a lot of research on the subject so that we could understand exactly what makes an open relationship successful. We'll get to what our research reveals in a moment. But first, let's define what we mean by an open relationship. What is an open relationship? An open relati ..read more

A gay couple came in to see me recently because their sex life had all but evaporated. They were in their 40s and had been together for over 15 years. During this time, they explored open relationships and three-ways. And while they both agreed that such experiences were fun (temporarily, at least), in the end, neither could mask the fact that... This couple was fundamentally unhappy with the quality of their sex life with one another. Does this sound familiar to you at all? Particularly in long-term relationships, once the intensity and newness of passionate love wear off, it’s easy to find ..read more

Before we get into the meat of this post, let's start with a change of mindset. You see, sex therapy isn't about working on your problems. Sex therapy is about working on your potential. The potential for better sex. Greater intimacy. A stronger relationship. Your best potential as a couple. And even though you might feel pretty far away from it today... This is a potential that you and your partner can realize. It is possible to bring sexual fun back into your relationship! We've counseled over 3,000 gay couples, and more often than not, they approach us for sex therapy. Some of them haven't ..read more

Before we get into the meat of this post, let's start with a change of mindset. You see, sex therapy isn't about working on your problems. Sex therapy is about working on your potential. The potential for better sex. Greater intimacy. A stronger relationship. Your best potential as a couple. And even though you might feel pretty far away from it today... This is a potential that you and your partner can realize. It is possible to bring sexual fun back into your relationship! We've counseled over 3,000 gay couples, and more often than not, they approach us for sex therapy. Some of them haven't ..read more

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb-pLHEmQL0&t=182s As we close out Pride Month, I'm thrilled to announce that we've just been featured on The LIST. In the segment, we talk about what we know best from both personal experience and years of LGBT couples counseling. And that's... How same-sex couples navigate relationships. My partner Alapaki and I started the Gay Couples Institute to provide our community with research-based gay couples counseling. And based on our research, we've come to find that... All relationships can learn a thing or two (or three) from looking at same-sex couples. The ..read more

Originally written and published on The ,Gottman Institute blog page. This June 2021, my partner and I celebrate our 16th anniversary together. Yup, you’re reading right. The big 1-6. And I mean 16 years. Not days, not months, but years. I have to say, it’s no small feat in this day and age. The even wilder part about our relationship is that we met on social media. And nope, we didn’t meet on Tinder. There was no “swiping right” in 2005. (Though I often wonder if there were, would we be together?) We didn’t meet on Facebook or even MySpace. They didn’t exist then! I met my partner of 16 years ..read more

Remember the anxiety you felt when you went on your first date? "Is he going to like me?” “Do we have anything in common?" “Have I got spinach in my teeth?” Building a solid connection with a new partner can be challenging. Even couples who have been together for years often have difficulty connecting. "There's always so much to do ― work, friends, family. I don't have the time right now. Can we catch up later?" Creating and maintaining a connection is so important in any relationship. So, how do you build a solid connection with your new or long-term partner? Read on to find out. Stones in Yo ..read more

It’s rarely debated that the key to a stable relationship is trust. But with so much uncertainty in the world, it can be difficult to put our guard down. Those in the gay/queer community know It’s easy to curl into ourselves when the unknown is howling at the door. Here are the key staples for how to grow trust in your relationship and nurture that same trust in yourself. Listen Oh, how easy it is to say you will listen. When things get heated listening feels impossible. But it's key to a strong relationship. Listening helps you understand your partner and helps them know your needs. A balance ..read more