My passion for educating couples early in their committed relationships was initially driven by personal experience. When I married at 22, my husband and I lacked sufficient tools, skills or guidelines for navigating a mature, lasting relationship. Three beautiful children and 13 years later, we separated with sadness, grief, and shame. So, where did it all go wrong? For me, it was primarily conflict issues which mirrored my parents’ poor marriage and ultimate divorce when I was a teen. My ex-husband had attachment issues from being sent across the globe to boarding school before he could tie ..read more

I’m going to tell you something I probably shouldn’t… I’m quite bad at most things. I don’t make my bed every morning – or wash my sheets regularly (shhh, don’t tell my boyfriend . I’m no good at keeping track of everything on my to do list. I can’t draw one bit. And I’m really bad at getting out of my patterns of everyday life. If left to my own devices, I’d spend the rest of my life going from the barn to the gym to MegaBed, a giant stack of mattresses in my cuddle/movie room. So I always appreciate when someone or something gets me out of my rut. Enter… The Adventure Challenge, couples edit ..read more

Something was bugging me recently. It was making me feel irritable, and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. So I spent some time thinking hard about what was up. Finally, the thing that was nagging at me became clear. When I realized what it was, I blurted it out to my unsuspecting spouse, “I want you, me, and us to move into the stage of Synergy!” He looked up from his newspaper and said, “Huh.” Synergy is the final stage of development of the Bader-Pearson Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. I gave my husband a quick review of the developmental stages, which he has heard A LOT about. B ..read more

Imagine you are leisurely walking through the woods thoroughly enjoying the perfect weather and the serenity of nature.  Then you are jolted into a salvo of fear – by an unmistakable sound. The tail shaking of a rattlesnake.  Your emotional brain demands you freeze at this moment.  And you do.  You hold your breath, look around, and listen very very carefully.   Then you cautiously move away from the perceived direction of the rattle.  You (and 99% of the population) probably never considered how considerate the rattlesnake actually is. Un ..read more

Does anyone have the outline for a separation agreement not legal but for a couple contemplating taking a hiatus? They have unsuccessfully tried this before and need structure Many Tks Ann ..read more

We often say that healthy communication is the cornerstone of a great relationship, but is it? Neuroscience has helped us evaluate what really drives connection in relationship. We know the brain concerns itself primarily with safety and security before the color of our curtains and even before love, so what is the most effective way to speak the language of connection to the brain and nervous system? In my recent book More than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship, I explore these questions, and answer them with the latest science. It turns out we can learn ..read more

by Dr. Marty Klein   I’ve been a sex therapist for 39 years. That’s over 40,000 sessions with individuals and couples – from every conceivable background, with every imaginable problem. And yet all those sessions, with all those people of every color, orientation, and identity, all come down to a pretty small group of issues. Those are what every sex therapist talks about, over and over, year after year. If people would do the following things, the sex therapy business would dry up overnight. Do even one of these and your sexual satisfaction will almost certainly increase. * Talk to your ..read more

I work with a lot of couples where one partner takes great pride in being a problem solver. I, too, am a big believer in solving problems.  Yet, after all my years of working with all kinds of couples, one principle gradually emerged: fixing or solving problems does not bring happiness. It brings relief but not happiness. After I tell couples this, I pause and let it soak in. And then I ask them what they think of that statement. Usually there is a pause and a kind of head nod with a hint of puzzlement on their face.  Then they ask, “So what does bring happiness?”  I explain th ..read more

  Create some quiet uninterrupted time and space to do this exercise with your partner. Imagine if your partner focused on bringing out the best in you. Each partner has different talents, skills, and knowledge than the other. Do you capitalize on each other’s strengths?  Great teams do that. Quarterbacks don’t play linebacker.  Drummers don’t play the guitar. So here is an exercise to help you create a stronger team based on strengths. Each of you writes down at least three things your partner does better than you. And then write why each of those things is meaningful to you ..read more

By Chelsea Wakefield, PhD, LCSW Chelsea Wakefield is an Associate Professor and Director of the Couples Center at the Psychiatric Research Institute of the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences, where she writes, teaches and provides couples therapy. She is the author of three books, is a popular keynote speaker, workshop, and retreat leader, and the creator of the Luminous Woman® Weekend. You can find out more about her offerings at www.chelseawakefield.com. Her most recent book, The Labyrinth of Love, is now available from your local bookstore or online book-sellers. ~~~~~~~~~~~ On ..read more