The Role of Triangles in Family Dynamics
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
3d ago
Jessica and Tom have been bickering about finances for weeks. Every discussion ends in a stalemate or a heated argument. Seeking relief, Jessica often turns to her mother for advice and comfort, inadvertently creating a “triangle” between her, Tom, and her mother. Sound familiar? It’s a scenario many families find themselves in, whether it involves parents, children, or extended family members. This dynamic, known as a “triangle” in family systems theory, is a fascinating aspect of family relationships. What’s With the Triangles? Developed by psychiatrist Murray Bowen, the concept of triangles ..read more
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Navigating the Self in Marriage
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
3d ago
In the complex dance of marriage, defining oneself can often feel like trying to hold onto your identity in a rapidly flowing river. Take the case of Sarah and Alex, for example. After eight years, their marriage had hit a rough patch marked by frequent arguments and tension that permeated their home. It wasn’t until they embarked on a journey of self-discovery through therapy, guided by the principles of Bowen Family Systems Theory, that they began to see a change. By learning to define themselves within their marriage, they found a new understanding and a path toward a healthier, more resili ..read more
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Broadening the Lens of Mental Health Issues
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
3d ago
I just wrapped up an intense three-day conference on Bowen Family Systems Theory, and it has sparked some intriguing thoughts about mainstream psychology’s approach to mental health. It struck me that conventional therapeutic models often overlook the broader family dynamics and patterns that are integral to understanding an individual’s mental health struggles and life challenges. Bowen Family Systems Theory, pioneered by psychiatrist Murray Bowen in the mid-20th century, emphasizes the interconnectedness of family members. Instead of viewing a person’s behavior in isolation, this theory cons ..read more
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Lessons From “On Grief and Grieving”
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
2w ago
This week, I experienced one of the most profound losses in my life—the sudden and unexpected passing of a dear friend. This kind of loss shakes you to your core, altering not just your world but seemingly your very DNA. It’s a grief that extends beyond personal boundaries, touching everyone close to her, particularly her family. Even as a trained professional in psychology, this was uncharted territory. I found myself venturing into this new landscape of emotions with an explorer’s mindset, unsure of what I might encounter yet open to accepting whatever came my way. I am just beginning to mov ..read more
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Embracing and Releasing Emotions for Better Well-being
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
2w ago
“Feel it. The thing you don’t want to feel. Feel it. And be free.” –Nayyirah Waheed Emotional acceptance is the process of recognizing, understanding, and embracing all of our emotions without judgment or avoidance. It is the antithesis of emotional suppression, where we might deny or hide our true feelings. Acceptance does not mean resignation—it’s about acknowledging the authenticity of our internal experience and permitting ourselves to feel without criticism. It encourages personal growth and emotional resilience, allowing individuals to navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease and ..read more
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Striking a Balance Between Pleasing Others and Self-Care
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
1M ago
In the dance of human connection, we often find ourselves wanting both to meet others’ expectations and nurture our well-being. This delicate balancing act, especially within close relationships, demands understanding two fundamental forces—individuality and togetherness—at the heart of Bowen family systems theory. As a Bowen family systems therapist, I witness the struggle many face as they try to please their partners, family members, or friends while keeping their boundaries intact. The challenge isn’t simply about saying “no” or carving out “me” time; it’s about redefining our conception o ..read more
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The Psychology of Conspiracy Theories
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
2M ago
Conspiracy theories have occurred in society for centuries, but they have gained increased prominence in our contemporary culture, fueled by the unease of an anxious world. In the high-speed information exchange and social media bubble, these theories find fertile ground to root and spread, often playing into the fears and uncertainties of individuals. The appeal of such theories can be multi-faceted; they offer simple explanations for complex problems, validate pre-existing beliefs or biases, and provide a sense of control in times of chaos or confusion. It is crucial to explore the psycholog ..read more
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The Art of Parenting
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
2M ago
Picture this: Anna, a mother of two, finds herself constantly torn between conflicting advice from parenting books, online “parenting gurus,” and well-meaning friends and family. She wonders, “What’s the best way to raise my children? How can I ensure they grow into healthy, happy, and successful individuals?” Are you, like Anna, trying to navigate the complex web of parenting advice? If so, this is for you. With countless parenting “experts” out there, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. But what does research say about how we should parent? What does it mean to be a good parent, and how can your c ..read more
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Setting Firm and Consistent Boundaries With Your Family
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
2M ago
Picture this: It’s Sunday evening, and your phone rings; it’s your cousin—again. She wants to vent about her life problems for the third time this week. You’re exhausted, you’ve had a long day, and you only want some quiet time. But saying “no” feels like an offense, so you reluctantly pick up the call. The boundary has been crossed yet again. This scenario, or a variation of it, is a familiar one for many. We often find ourselves in situations where our boundaries are constantly tested, especially by family members who may not understand or respect them. So, how do we navigate this, especiall ..read more
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How to Be There for Others Without Burning Out
Doctor Ilene | Marriage and Family Therapist
by Dr. Ilene
2M ago
As a therapist, here’s a question I get asked a lot: How do you listen to people’s problems all day? Don’t you get burned out? In all honesty, I have worked on my ability to be present and accountable for my clients without taking on their feelings. You can imagine that I see people who are anxious, uncomfortable, lost, sad, frustrated, and traumatized. I hear people’s darkest thoughts about the most challenging times. As a compassionate person, it’s only natural for me to feel their pain, too. However, I have worked on better managing my emotions around others’ discomfort because I get a lot ..read more
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