Quite a few of us have now learned that crisis decision making is not just for CEOs, heads of state, and whoever is in charge of nuclear plants. It’s for all of us when life as we know it collapses in the time it takes to say “rolling blackout”. During this last winter storm, here is what I did: Stay warm enough to stay alive. Stay calm enough to think straight. In a crisis, getting angry is a luxury we can’t afford. It interferes with our ability to problem solve and respond appropriately to the reality we are facing. Figuring out whose fault it is, and who to blame can wait until way later ..read more

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. (Valentine’s Day is generally your last chance to redeem yourself for being such a big disappointment at Christmas.) No matter that most of us are suffering from burn out, brain fog, and decreased mental capacity, WE MUST CONVINCE OUR LOVED ONES THAT WE LOVE THEM WITH EVERY FIBER OF OUR BEING…or else. Please, can we stop? Let’s give ourselves and everyone else a break this year. We need to bring our expectations in line with reality, especially this year. Living in sweatpants/pajamas, spending 24/7 with our 3-year olds (the little dears), people dying, watc ..read more

Are you and your spouse frustrated, fighting, and threatening each other with divorce? I am going to give you two pieces of advice, and I want you to put them into practice immediately. Stop talking about your problems.You read that right. Just stop. Don’t say another word about them. Try if possible to give yourself a break from even thinking about them. You are in a reactive state, and talking about your problems will not help at this stage.  It’s more important to begin to create safety. One thing that will make it safe for you to both be in the same space is to table talking about yo ..read more

The holidays are a veritable emotional landmine and this year feelings are even more raw. One false step and WHAM! You are in severe pain and your relationships are in trouble. Here are three steps to help you heal hurt feelings. How does it happen and what can you do about it? How it happens is that we have special expectations for the holidays (or our birthday, or Valentine’s Day, etc.) that have to do with resolving old hurts and finding healing. Just because the hurts are old doesn’t mean they aren’t extremely “present”. The part of our brain that feels these things isn’t convinced by logi ..read more

I think “lifestyle creep” has been taking its toll for some time and COVID has shown us so many things just don’t work well for us. When regular life is a huge struggle, something is wrong. We are not training for the Olympics, after all. We’re just trying to get the kids to their next game, help them with their homework, have dinner, do dishes, and get ready for bed. Parents have been doing these same things for quite some time, and I don’t think it was as much of a strain as it is now. What’s changed? Three things: technology, increased unrealistic expectations, and overestimating our resou ..read more

The holidays are generally an opportunity to suffer due to unrealistic expectations, and this year is going to be extra special! But seriously folks, let’s make it easier on ourselves and “unpack” what Thanksgiving might look like this year. First of all, I don’t see how we are supposed to even have Thanksgiving after having read the CDC’s guidelines. So, if you really want to give yourself (and everyone else) a break this year, how about everybody stay where you are and celebrate however you wish. Maybe you will eat a turkey sandwich (with Dijon mustard and cranberry sauce) and watch Hallmark ..read more

Soon, the holidays will be upon us. Whichever holidays you celebrate, most of them involve getting together with family and friends. If you are in an area where you can’t celebrate outside and stand at least six feet apart, it’s rather confusing to navigate how we will celebrate this year. Some of your family/friends feel very strongly about wearing masks, ventilating if possible, and washing hands, and some of your family/friends have had enough and have grown tired of following precautions. As if getting together with your family hasn’t been hard enough, with long travel times, sensitive pol ..read more

It’s important for us all that our homes feel safe, now more so than ever I believe. This is one area we can all work on. We may not be able to achieve all that we would wish for at the present moment, but there is a lot we can do to achieve peace in our home — right now especially. Item 1:  Let us resolve to use our best manners as much as possible; remember to say “please” and “thank you” – not because we are “one down”, but as a way of treating others in our household with gentleness and respect. Item 2:  Let us look up from our devices and make eye contact with those with whom we ..read more

Are you running to keep up and feeling like you are failing? It could very well be that you are lacking one very important concept. If your home life is a source of almost constant friction and irritation, sometimes spiking into intense frustration, hopelessness, and despair, and then degenerating into resentment and blame, then I want to ask you something: How do you get things done at work? Are there systems in place for various tasks? (Pause for your lightbulb moment.) Instead of looking at your spouse and children as the enemy, what if you looked at your household like a business? Wha ..read more

And we are scrambling to keep up, press pause with me for a minute. Let’s talk about all this. There may be a number of things that you have no control over right now. Are you and your spouse working from home? Do you have children that are now home as well? When your stress level has risen considerably, look at what you can control. And then, simplify, simplify, simplify. Wherever you can simplify, you will reap benefits. Your brain needs a break. There is enough going on in the world without complicating our lives unnecessarily, is there not? Your goal is to let your brain coast on automatic ..read more