When I go anywhere with my eldest, I often times end up in the most amazing conversations with the most epic people. Last night was no exception. We went to Walmart. Needed milk (making yogurt today and probably going to try freeze drying a gallon or so) and I know that’s the best price and the furthest out “expiration date”. While we were there, I figured I could get the yarn for eldest’s trash panda hooded blanket pattern… so while the “kids” ran around I went to the yarn. That was central to everyone getting back together anyway so… it was a choice. I don’t do shopping. I go, get what I nee ..read more

Christmas Morning… Coffee, listening to fluff audio books, thinking… It’s Christmas. Christmas has devolved from the traditions of thirty something years… of fifty something years… of… whatever… into… five dogs, two humans (both pretty much mostly lost) and a sixty five degree day. Evolution into a new set of whatever kind of new traditions we are going to be chasing. Sky is in New York with his family of choice. So many losses… so many being (human and not) being missed. Contemplation… Christmas dinner, today, was Korean Hot Pot (kind of liking the restaurant we ate at… but it would have been ..read more

Yeah… the title of this entry into my life doesn’t seem to be such a good thing. People view failing rather poorly. I guess it is kind of how you look at it, how you see it. AND, I guess it is kind of the frame of mind you’re in when you do see it… I got up this morning, made coffee, took my daily “you’re on call this week” morning handoff from Kuala Lumpur, fed the dogs and stirred my latest batches of vinegar. The vinegar is where the failure comes in… I have two jars of rice vinegar in my china cupboard, the curing remains of a few apple and pear jars, and I had (emphasis on HAD) two jars o ..read more

Now if that isn’t an interesting title, nothing is. Several weeks ago, I was reading (another bunny trail) how you can make your own vinegar out of peels and cores and ‘bees are eating them’ and ‘deer (or the damn squirrels) are eating them’ apples and pears. All it takes are… well… peels and cores, or chunked up fruit… water to cover… a little sugar (like… 3T for a half gallon jar) and patience. So I went hunting deer apples, or people who were canning and had a crap ton of peels and cores, or ‘seconds’ apples from flashfood app. I found pears enough for one half gallon. I found apples enough ..read more

Since October 2020, I’ve had a really really hard time around the holidays. Starting with Halloween right through Christmas, Bear was very much all about the holidays. Christmas tree up in October… yards full of inflatables and music…. food… Since he died things have kind of not been the same. Since I became the neighborhood pariah things have not been the same. Since… Since… Since… I’m slowly fighting my way back to… a new normal. Having to put Snickers to sleep on Halloween was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was right for him… so much pain… if you have never heard a pug SCREAM ..read more

It’s infusion day. I am SO glad, this month, that it is infusion day. I’ve probably been pushing too hard (let’s face it, that’s kind of a given). Stress has been high. But I think part of why my hands are SCREAMING right now is because I went to the dermatologist. Apparently a tendency to accumulate warts is a thing with RA. Who would have guessed. Shocking I know. But I’ve been acquiring several (they treated 8) and the ones I’ve been acquiring have started to become problematic. So five months ago I got the first available dermatologist appointment I could get. She froze my warts and gave m ..read more

I just realized that it has been a year since I’ve sat down and written (here, at least). I was reminded because my subscription just billed and I almost choked on the fact that it wasn’t supposed to and I wasn’t planning on it… I realized what a horrendous year this year has been even compared to the last few. And I’ve decided I need to try to get a handle back on my life. Every time I threaten to do that, something happens and everything goes tits up and I have to struggle to dig myself out of depression again…. BUT… eventually it has to stop getting worse, right? Yeah… we will go with that ..read more

Sitting here… trying hard to focus on work. Trying to stay buried in not thinking. I’ve been working so hard at not thinking… if I don’t think I don’t feel so empty… so alone… but that only carries you so far. And when you are suddenly faced with holy crap all you can do is think. So here I am. Back to my own reality… hot on the tail of being 57… damn… I’ve been having a weird lymph node issue going on. Stupid me fessed up to being on antibiotics when I was SUPPOSED to get my March infusion. Yeah… that didn’t happen. Wait until antibiotics are done. Wait until lymph node is back to normal. Fo ..read more

It’s been a bad… oh hell… a bad whatever… week/month/year/several-years… Saturday was no exception to the crap that has been going on. I put a load of denim in the washer and set it off on its merry way… it wasn’t a particularly heavy load. It was a couple denim jackets and a couple hoodies. Imagine my… head exploding… when I saw the LE on the display and soap all over the jackets. Dr Google was not a whole lot of help. It gave me possible solutions.. that I tried… several times…. to no avail. The washer is currently not functional. That goes right along with the fact that the dishwasher hasn ..read more

It is infusion day, so I am tired in general. But the tired that I am is way different than that kind of tired. I’m tired of having to be the bigger person when I walk into Walmart wearing my mask (because even though I am FULLY vaccinated (as in I got my third dose already so yeah) and I get derogatory comments directed at me. I either get comments about it all being a hoax… or not nearly as bad as the flu… or get your damn shot… or that I am just plain stupid for wearing one… or if I’m fully vaccinated I don’t have to worry about anything so don’t pander to the man… whatever I’m tired of se ..read more