(Clearly, I have been working on this post for a while. We really are in March 2021. I began o write this post in August of last year. ) We have arrived in the first week of August 2020. Summer slowly made itself known, but now it is going to start slipping away.  We are watching the tomatoes ripen, the baby Siskins are growing, and the hummingbirds fight with each other over the best feeder.  We also realize our old world is gone.  We are not going back to "normal."  The virus has its clutches tightly wrapped around the entire world.  A stupid microscopic item that ..read more

 We are heading to the day.  The day I consider the most important.  It was the day when there was concrete proof the transplant had worked.  There were balloons and there were cheers and there were orange slices on the day of the actual transplant, but I wanted to know that the cells had taken hold.  I wanted to know it was working.  Mary-Elizabeth is 9 years out.  She has more than 3285 days from the times of such despair.  She has finished college.  She has become a fully employed human being.  She has faced so many many struggles with Post ..read more

Picture of two old dogs sitting on a porch.  One is a graying a Scottie, the other an old Shiatzu.  Both on soft blankets, overlooking a green yard and trees with a big rainbow in the distance. Gizmo: Hey, see that blob of color? Tucker: Not really, I have not been able to really see for some time or hear or run or properly chase a cat far. Hey, I am 14 years old and you are 17.  You do not even have both eyes!  I am surprised you can see anything. Gizmo:  I guess I am sort of blind. Not that my eye was very useful at the time the weird lady took it away. But boy can ..read more

I remember what it was like when they first mentioned a new virus. It was in January. In a lot of ways I felt I was the only person that heard it.  Deep in my gut... a slowly burning sense of dread.  Ever present.  Every growing. A feeling I could not shake.  Chocolate didn't help.  A big rich meal t some wine did not help. Sleep began to become more difficult.   A steady beating drum....... It's coming.  It's coming. It's coming........ It's contained. It won't get to Eastern Washington It is just like the flu. It will dissipate in April. Oh, the quarantined ships, well they are not Americ ..read more

God knows how many tiny lives have been lost.  God knows how many family members have been lost.  God knows how many dear and near friends are going to be leaving in the next few years.    God should know better.   So I have a friend.  Her name of Patty.  She and I did not find each other in this life until another friend Nancy made us all go to trivia together about 4 years ago. (Rules about Trivia are a whole other story.  Love you Nancy.)  Patty and I were sisters or brothers or littermates in a former life. We have read the same books, been to the same national parks, like the same foods ..read more

Parting words at 6:00 am this morning: Mom do you think I will ever be successful? I can't tell you how far my heart sunk this morning.  OMG, how, for even one instant, can my daughter not see how far she has come and how much she has accomplished.  How can she not know?  I guess she let me peek this morning into a bit of her heart.  She doesn't see herself as having accomplished anything. She doesn't give herself credit for all that she has done. Survivorship. Graduation in a difficult field. Setting up a life that works for her.  Managing all of her side-effects from years of chemo and ..read more

Oh My! Last night I attended a birthday buddies birthday.  She turned 12 years old.  While some might see me as a mature person exploring the joys of my mid-60's, I did demand extra cherries on my ice cream and a balloon.  It was a lovely evening and great joy can be given to a 12-year-old with a large box of presents.  It was a good reminder of how 12 can be a good time.  The precursor to the rocky years ahead.  The dark flood of hormones, social pressures and the need to dye one's hair the color of a seldom-used off-color in the giant box of crayons. As I sat there, I realized Mary-Elizabe ..read more

I was thinking about a friend that was coming to the end of Chemo and about to plan an End of Treatment Party.  We had one of those. It was great.  I bet if I dug far enough into one of my back-up drives, I could find some pictures.   Whenever there is such an event, I rejoice with reservations.  We left treatment with such joy and celebration. It was a great time.  We rented the Lake Union crew house.  Lots and lots of people came to help us celebrate a huge point in our lives.  Much has happened since then.  Graduation, the beginning of college, a great summer, a relapse, a double cord blo ..read more