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In a developing story out of Minneapolis, MN, 29-year-old Thelma Jaxon says she has always been a proponent of “slow living”, in that she’s still discovering music from 2014.   “Have you guys heard ‘Trumpets’ by Jason Derulo?” she asked reporters out of nowhere. “Incredible song. I feel like I should be up at 7:30 a.m. driving to my history exam to that.”   Thelma attributes her slow music adopting habits to the fact that she never seeks out music on her own, only listens to what plays on the radio, and never likes a song upon first listen.   Now that’s slow living!   “Find ..read more

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In deeply unsettling news out of the coffee shop where you’re on a third date, your date just called you his muse – which, as you understand it, means he has every intention of taking all your ideas and passing them off as his own.   “When he called me his ‘muse,’ it felt extremely sinister,” you told reporters. “It made me rethink every conversation I’ve ever had with him and make a mental list of every hope, dream, or passing thought I’ve told him.”   “Am I going to take all of her ideas, verbatim, and act like I came up with them myself? Of course!” your date brazenly informed rep ..read more

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In an adorable story that highlights the triumph of love over all kinds of adversity, your loose acquaintances Jason Hedland and Amani Price just announced their three-year dating anniversary with an Instagram post that lists all the times they definitely should have broken up.   “Year three with this piece of shit, or as I call him, Jay-Jay,” Amani’s post began, immediately striking a tone that was at best confusing and at worst scary. “When Jay-Jay and I met, he made it really clear he didn’t find my ‘dumpy ass’ attractive, and that’s where our love began.”   Yikes!   Sources ..read more

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For better or worse, our bodies are always communicating with us. It’s important to be in tune with your physical form so that you’re familiar with its signals and can be aware if something’s amiss. However, it’s also true that 90% of the time, your body is just spewing some bullshit. So, here’s how you can learn to listen to your body, even though, most of the time, it has no idea what it’s talking about.   Slow down and take time to connect with yourself. Ensure you’re really listening to your body by allocating time in your day to block out all other distractions and really focus on yo ..read more