I decided to attend my 20th high school reunion. Something about the nostalgia of temporarily returning made me want to actively tap back into that specific variety of ache. I wanted my survival of the evening to serve as a catharsis, like honey. It was a snapshot of time when feelings were bigger than we were, not comparable in magic, but like when I became a mom. That explosion of the universe. Four years compacted into one of those space saving vacuum bags. The kind that shrinks winter coats and blankets down to one quarter of their size. When someone says high school, I’m immediately in it ..read more

Let us begin with an acknowledgement of what we’ve endured. We did something that no modern-day mother, not our grandparents or parents can ever claim to have experienced. Having no guidebook for motherhood during a global pandemic, we existed as best we could. Some times tragic, but everyday we were the magic.  Whether we were seeking one or not, we’ve all experienced a transformation over the past 15 months. The kind that penetrates deep within our roots, and forces us to come out the other side scathed, yet stronger. It needs to be said and it needs to be heard: a mother’s strength is ..read more

Before I’m ready to move forward, there’s something I need to say. I don’t think anyone can truly understand what it’s been like to be a mother of young children over the past four years, unless you’ve lived it yourself. As a survivor of sexual assault, watching in horror as Trump was elected after bragging about sexual violence against women, was a cruel kind of torture. The reflection of his vote into office revealed too many Americans were complicit in his venomous hatred of people of color, women, immigrants, and members of the LBGTQIA+ community. Shockingly, his comment about “grabbing wo ..read more

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Last weekend thanks to my loving, supportive husband, I escaped to Half Moon Bay for a solo weekend of soul searching and life-altering decisions. I have decided that all roads have led me to write a novel. Women’s contemporary fiction to be more specific. If you’ve followed me, then you know, when I say I’m going to do something, I do it. I always put it out into the universe, so I’m held accountable and most importantly, because joy should be shared. I have the story, the setting (Half Moon Bay), the ending, the characters, the plot twists, the bones, and 20k words I’m proud of. I have so mu ..read more

I no longer read the news. I’ve actually been banned from it--a direct order from my therapist. I got into a bad habit of waking up, scrolling through, and stopping to read whatever tragic event transpired while I was sleeping. I’d feel my anxiety kick in, along with the overwhelming feeling of impending doom. As it turns out, this is not a healthy way to begin the day, while caring for 3 small children. We are already living out the repercussions of destructive leadership, I don’t need to invite it into my mind every morning. Instead, I let the sounds of my daughters dictate the direction of ..read more

On the first day of school this year, I cried so much I was dehydrated the next day. It was painful to watch our little pod of young kiddos sit in a circle, on Zoom calls in headphones on laptops, each of them taking turns to meltdown in frustration. I mourned the loss of what I envisioned for Charlotte’s first day of 1st grade. She spent the session either crying or hiding under the kitchen table. After refusing to come to the computer for a one-on-one meeting with her teacher (we will call her Mrs. S), I spent the meeting flooding our screen with tears, advocating for my child.  Ch ..read more

I was always quick to claim a coincidence. I’d tell my sponsor about each instance, which happened often during early recovery. I’d roll my eyes dramatically at the overused expression, “Everything happens for a reason” especially when it meant going through pain. It was the weirdest thing; I hadn’t written anything for over 3 years and out of no where, my sister sent me a notebook in the mail. She nodded along, smiling in her lovable-all-knowing-but-never-smug way. She would say nothing and she waited, for as long as it took. I wanted so badly to skip to the easy part. Bypass all the hard stu ..read more

Remember back in April when I said Moms in the United States were not OK? Well, that was just a signal flare and now the island is burning. What most men are starting to piece together at this point, the secret to success, lies at the hands of women. Over the past 145 days, Moms have had time to filter through what is helpful and what is harmful, as we navigate both the physical and mental battles. We are still here, mothering adrift from our village and it’s: lonely, triggering, and enormously difficult. But we are adaptive and here is what we’ve learned. Like everything in motherhood, take w ..read more