(Following the strike action against Channel 9, the outlet has posted the following job listing) The post Nine advertises multiple ‘scab’ roles with immediate start appeared first on The Chaser ..read more

Local woman Steph Robertson has decided to try better herself by going to bed at a ‘reasonable time’, then laying in bed scrolling on her phone until an unreasonable time. “I’m in my self-improvement era,” said Steph, “I will no longer be super tired from staying up late on the couch scrolling on my phone. Instead I will go to bed early and get some much needed sleep, after checking my phone of course.” Steph has also recently been doing early morning work outs to feel better which she says has gotten easier to lie about liking as the weeks go on. “At least I get to treat myself to a coffee at ..read more

The Republican Party have slammed what they have dubbed as ‘ageist attacks’ against their candidate Donald J Trump that relate to the fact that this election will see him be the oldest official candidate for a US Presidential race. “These attacks on his mental capacity are not in the spirit of a Presidential race,” said one Republican senator, “it’s disrespectful to a man who has held the highest office in the land.” “Sure he may have slip ups every now and again, where he calls people the wrong name or forgets what he was saying. And sure the ‘Laughing Kamala’ nickname isn’t as strong as his ..read more

Presidential candidate Donald Trump has promised his core fans that he will invent a brand new slur that he can use during a debate against presumptive Democrat nominee Kamala Harris. This comes as his nickname for Harris “Laughing Kamala” just doesn’t hit the same as ‘Sleepy Joe’ or ‘Crooked Hillary’ did, leaving him to go back to what he describes as ‘Republican basics’: bigotry. “This will be the greatest slur ever said,” said Trump, “and I know all the slurs. The best slurs. And I use them quite well. People say I am the best at saying slurs. ‘No one says slurs like you do sir.’ That’s wha ..read more

US President Joe Biden has announced that he will not be contesting the election, instead opting to take a new hosting gig at Triple J. The young 81 year old got the youth radio gig, despite not having any media experience, after turning down offers from every Aussie tv station to join their board of directors. “This will be a great,” said Biden, “when I applied for the gig they told me that they were concerned I might be too young for the station but I said I am happy to give it a go.” James, a member of station’s target audience of theatre kids in their mid-late 30s said that they are excite ..read more

International conglomerate ‘The Democrat Campaign” has announced it’s CEO will be standing down over concerns it won’t make the next fiscal year and has promoted a woman to take all of the blame. “We learned watching Woolworths in Australia that just one bad TV appearance can spell doom for a company so we decided to follow what they did and promote a hardworking competent woman to be in charge so we can all blame her for the company that’s failing.” Outgoing CEO, Joe Biden plans to give a moving exit speech, following sacred traditions of pretending resigning was his idea in the first place ..read more

One of the cognitively challenged, old, white men who is grossly unfit to lead the nation has dropped out of the presidential race. President Joe Biden (right) has selflessly dropped out of the race about three weeks after it was still salvageable for his replacement.  Throughout their respective times in office, both Old Man 1 and Old Man 2 have struggled to get through a whole afternoon without either napping or breaking a fundamental principle of Western democracy.  Kamala Harris is set to become the Democratic presidential nominee, however as a cognitively functional, mentally st ..read more

As a global outage hits Windows causing many websites to crash, Aussies have been left completely unaware due to many assuming that it is just the NBN running at its normal speed. “This is about how long I’m normally waiting anyway” said Dave from Sydney. “I mean I am trying to load a clip from the news and it’s only been a few hours. Gotta give it a bit more time.” The post Nation left wondering whether most websites are actually down or if it’s just the NBN appeared first on The Chaser ..read more

A global Microsoft outage has had unexpected consequences with Mac users being hit with a surge of smugness. Commonly referred to as ‘Pricks’, these Mac owners are like normal people but if you ask one of them what sets them apart, they will inform you that they are ‘better than’ any ‘Windows Peasant’ who doesn’t use a Macbook.  “No one thought it could happen,” said one tech expert, “who knew that Mac users could get even more smug than they already were.” Microsoft has put out a statement saying they are doing everything they can to get their systems back up and running, hoping to harne ..read more

Many have been accused of ‘Breaking the internet’ in the past, but only Microsoft and CrowdStrike have managed to actually do it. This comes as an IT outage has caused many websites around the world to go down including the ABC, multiple banks and Amazon have all completely gone down terrifying many people these days who might have to resort to going outside. Reports suggest that Sky News has also been affected, leaving many to beg Microsoft to not fix the outage. NBN users in Australia have yet to notice the outage, thinking it is just the NBN running at normal speed. The post BREAKING: Inter ..read more