Sky News apologise for racism and reassure fans “it will happen again”
The Chaser
by John Delmenico
3w ago
Self-alleged ‘news’ organisation and team up of store-brand Bond villains, Sky News has yet again come under fire for racism, this time after one of their hosts slang dirt at a Black teen in the hopes to rile up racists. In a seemingly fortnightly occurrence, the Sky News PR team have put out a statement online in order to ‘apologise’ for the racist comments and strive to ‘improve’ in the future. “It has come to our attention that blaming all of Australia’s problems on ethnic groups can be construed by the cry-baby leftists as ‘racism’. IF any snowflakes are offended by our vilification of peo ..read more
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Abuse shelter relocates to a coal mine in hopes of getting government funding
The Chaser
by John Delmenico
3w ago
Following the government’s much anticipated national cabinet announcement on combatting male violence, a local abuse shelter has decided to pack up shop and relocate to a coal mine in hopes of getting government funding. “Clearly we need to learn to play the game,” said the overworked and underfunded volunteers, “everyone was saying to give frontline services money but the government decided not to. So we decided to adapt to fit this government’s priorities.” “So now we are called the Gina Rinehart Home for Women Destroying The Planet. Seems like the kind of name the government would throw mon ..read more
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PM gives $925m to frontline services failed Morrison era program
The Chaser
by John Delmenico
3w ago
Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has finally responded to demands from experts to give one billion dollars to frontline services that support domestic violence victims, by instead choosing to give less than that to a failed Morrison government program. The PM, who constantly finds spare billions to give to defence on top of the hundreds of billions he gave to AUKUS, graciously managed to find some money to respond to domestic violence by potentially providing up to five grand to those in need through a bureaucratic program that turns away half the victims who try use it. “People demanded a we t ..read more
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Local woman convinced that misogyny is no longer a problem thanks to man shouting “Not All Men” every time she talks
The Chaser
by John Delmenico
3w ago
Local woman Kate Stranger has completely had her entire perspective on life changed after a man interrupted every fucking word she said by going “Not all men” “I was saying how I am sick of the way some men treat women,” she recounted, “and Kyle just started yelling ‘not all men’ at me. Which obviously just made me realise that misogyny isn’t a problem anymore.” “Here I was thinking about how the constant news stories about violence against women and my own personal experiences with men not respecting or listening to me; but Kyle made sure I knew that he would never disrespect a woman or not ..read more
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Bears speak out against unfair comparison to men
The Chaser
by Shane Murphy
3w ago
In the wake of the recent viral trend, bear community leaders are calling on humans to stop comparing them to men. “We hardly ever kill anyone and even when we do, it’s usually because a human male was doing something they weren’t supposed to. Like to going near our kids or trying to shoot us!” “Comparing us to human men is deeply insensitive, do you know the number 1 cause of bear deaths? Men! You think we’re safe alone with them?” “We actually do our best to stay away from humans and now you’re implying we’re some less dangerous version of them? It’s unacceptable and prejudiced!” “At the ver ..read more
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Nation asks Jenny to have one of her chats with Albo about whether it’s ok to make feminist rally organisers cry
The Chaser
by John Delmenico
3w ago
Australians around the country have been seen begging amateur therapist Jenny Morrison to come out of retirement in order to have one of her famous chats with Prime Minister Anthony Albanese after he reportedly lied about one of the organisers of the No More rallies against male violence, before rolling his eyes when she called out his lie and started crying. “You know these concepts of empathy and human interactions are tricky for powerful men,” said one voter, “where the rest of us see marches against male violence as an opportunity to listen to experts and survivors, these blokes just see a ..read more
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Breaking: 6 ministers suffering debilitating anxiety put on medication during Morrison government
The Chaser
by The Chaser
3w ago
Former Prime Scott Morrison has revealed that 6 ministers within his cabinet were put on the anxiety medication during his tenure. “The ministers for Health, Finance, Industry, Science, Energy, Resources and Home Affairs were all in desperate need of SSRI’s and mood enhancers,” Morrison revealed in his forthcoming book titled ‘I Am The Fucking Chosen One, And I Choose You to Buy My Book, or Else You’ll Go to Hell’. “I don’t know what was happening with these ministers that could have possibly been piling up more stress.” The post Breaking: 6 ministers suffering debilitating anxiety put on medi ..read more
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“Governments need to do more to stop violence against women,” says Anthony Albanese seconds before shock discovery that he is in charge of the government
The Chaser
by John Delmenico
3w ago
Anthony Albanese has received praise after firmly stating multiple times this weekend that “governments need to do more to stop violence against women,” seemingly without realising that he is literally in charge of the fucking government. “I’m hear at this protest because enough is enough,” said Albanese after seeing his polling numbers, “Whoever is in charge around here should really be doing something.” “This country is failing women. Everyone here is very angry and talking about the lack of funding for support and preventative measures, and I agree. Make sure to get a picture of my good sid ..read more
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Millennials told to make sacrifices if they one day want to be able to afford a packet of chips
The Chaser
by The Chaser
1y ago
Single mother and retiree Janice Rothschild III has today suggested millennials should cut back on luxuries like ‘shelter’ and ‘drinking water’ if they one day want to be able to afford a packet of Chilli Lime Red Rock Deli chips. “Back in my day, interest rates were at 20%, and I still managed to buy chips,” explained Janice. “The problem with kids these days is they were born at a time of wage stagnation coupled with upward inflationary pressures on living expenses, along with a compulsory super contribution that reduces their spending power by ten percent, and an expectation to take on tens ..read more
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Scientists predict that by 2050 every popular show may involve Pedro Pascal escorting magic child to safety
The Chaser
by The Chaser
1y ago
UN Scientists have today issued an urgent warning that if trends continue, the world may soon be completely over-run by TV shows involving an initially hesitant gruff yet fatherly Pedro Pascal escorting a magical child who can save the world through a series of death defying adventures. “At first when the Mandalorian was detected, we weren’t concerned,” explained one entertainment researcher. “After all it was like nothing we’d ever seen before. However, the Pascal outbreak has since spread from Disney to HBO and as of last night he also made the jump to free-to-air TV via an SNL host, potenti ..read more
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