The King (drunk as shit): "LET THE HORSES TRY" submitted by /u/Doctor__Hammer [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

“Forgive me father, for I have sinned.” “What have you done?” asks the priest? “I have sinned by being vain. Every morning I look in the mirror and think to myself, I am such a beautiful woman. Any man would be lucky to have me.” “That’s not a sin” says the priest. “Really?” “No. It’s a mistake” submitted by /u/mr-mansl [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

A few days later, she goes back to him and tells him that the closet shakes when the train passes by her house. The carpenter goes to her house and sees there’s nothing wrong with the closet but he adds a few nails to the closet anyway and tells her: there you go. A few days later, she goes back to him again and tells him the closet still shakes when the train passes by the house. The carpenter that didn’t believe her gets mad and tells her: OK, I’m gonna go inside the closet and wait here until the train passes by. Right after he steps inside the closet, the woman’s husband comes home and he ..read more

They have a lot of sediment. submitted by /u/lauren10086 [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

He drove his car into the garage and closed the door. He left the car running and waited for the fumes to do their job. A few hours later his Tesla ran out of juice. submitted by /u/geronika [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

...and the friend takes his towel off to get dressed. The friend greets him and goes about the usual small talk. The first man stops him and says, "Sorry I'm going to have to stop you. I'm so sorry, I hope I'm not weirding you out, but holy shit, you have the biggest penis I've ever seen! I couldn't help but notice and I'm so jealous!" The friends looks around to make sure no one is listening in and replies. "I'll let you in on an old family secret. It's not natural. Going back generations, the men in my family grow our Johnsons to be this way. I'll tell you how if you want but you can't tell ..read more

After an hour, the baker steps outside and shouts "no bread for Jews!", and some people leave. After another hour, the baker steps outside again: "no bread unless you're a Party member!", and some more people leave. After yet another hour, the baker steps outside again: "no bread unless you've been a Party member for 20 years", and most people leave. After another hour has passed, the baker steps outside yet again, gives a long patriotic talk to the remaining people in line and then explains that unfortunately, there won't be any bread at all today. As the remaining people are leaving, one tu ..read more

None helped. In the end we even tried covering her in lard. But after that, she went downhill fast. submitted by /u/Major_Independence82 [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

I mist. submitted by /u/UnfazedObserver [visit reddit] [comments ..read more

When you talk to them face to face, they look at your shoes instead of their own shoes. submitted by /u/edfitz83 [visit reddit] [comments ..read more