My 2022. I needed to write this blog, firstly to give an honest account of what has been happening with me. Secondly, to apologise. I don’t really know where to start but I’m just going to write the truth and write from the heart and I hope it makes sense. I have been struggling a little bit. 2022 has felt like an incredibly hard year. Not in terms of my eating disorder, thankfully I’ve been maintaining my recovery well. However, what I have been struggling with is my mood. I was diagnosed with depression well over 10 years ago and it has been managed pretty well since then with the help of me ..read more

In my last blog (Top 5 things I missed most about being an inpatient in an eating disorder unit) I discussed the things I missed about being an inpatient in an eating disorder unit. It was really important for me to share those things because it is something that is generally never discussed or even “allowed.” But in thinking about the things that I missed from being an inpatient, it also reminded me of the worst things about being an inpatient in an eating disorder unit. There were some things I found really hard about being an inpatient in an eating disorder unit. There were certain things t ..read more

I saw something on social media recently saying that there is nothing to miss about being an inpatient and that people should not be glamourising admissions. I totally agree that admissions should not be glamourised. However, I disagree that there are no elements to eating disorder inpatient admissions that you would miss. I think it would be wrong, and unhelpful, to deny this. I have been an inpatient three times. Each time I was discharged, there were parts to of being an inpatient that I missed. A lot. And it was also the parts that I missed which made adapting to life after admission so ha ..read more

Goal setting in anorexia recovery. This is what we are often encouraged to do to help with our recovery. Set ourselves anorexia recovery goals – things we want to do, things we want to achieve. Write them down. Then, whenever we are struggling with anorexia, we are to remind ourselves of our goals. We look at them, we read them, and we get the focus and motivation we need again to fight anorexia. That is how it is meant to work. And often it does. Setting anorexia recovery goals is a very common and successfully used tool. But what about regret writing? Recently, I wrote down a list of regrets ..read more

I have written a book! Running Free: My Battle with Anorexia is being published on 9th August 2022. Here is a short extract: “Organ failure. Resuscitation Unit. Death. What causes someone to starve themselves to the brink of death? To starve themselves to the point where they can’t walk, can hardly talk, and where their heart is barely beating to keep them alive? The answer? Anorexia.” Running Free: My Battle with Anorexia is my harrowing yet inspirational true story of how I went from Olympic hopeful to hours away from death, detailing my suffering and recovering from anorexia. I was first di ..read more

The Mental Health Act and Anorexia. In the last 14 years, I have been under some form of the Mental Health Act for 13 years and 4 months. Since 2008, I have only had 8 months not under the Mental Health Act. I had 4 months not under the Mental Health when I was discharged from my first eating disorder admission in 2009. Within those 4 months, I rapidly relapsed and had to be readmitted to hospital. I was again placed under Section 3 of the Mental Health Act because of anorexia. I had another 4 months not under the Mental Health Act when I was discharged from this second admission. But again, I ..read more

Athlete to anorexia to athlete. My unexpected journey through life. I grew up as an athlete. That was what I did. That was who I was. When I was eight years old, I lined up on the start line for the sprint race. And my love for running began. When I was a teenager I joined my local athletics club and soon started to take my running more seriously. I was a sprinter and I would compete for my club, along with racing in county, regional and national races. I wanted to be an athlete and run for Great Britain. That was my dream. My story should have ended there. Athlete. Unfortunately, the dream tu ..read more

For the first time EVER, my community eating disorder service has employed a psychiatrist specifically for the eating disorder service. I have been wanting my community eating disorder service to get a specialist eating disorder psychiatrist for years. So I was very pleased to hear that my community service was getting an ED psychiatrist. However, my optimism with this news was very short-lived. I have been discharged from hospital now for nearly 11 years. In those 11 years, I have seen a specialist eating disorder psychiatrist twice. I wrote about this in a blog a few years ago (which you can ..read more

When I was 14 years old I went to the doctors. I started my periods when I was 13. By the time I turned 14, they had stopped. So after about six months of not having had a period, my mum insisted that I go to see the doctor. My mum and I sat down in front of the doctor and explained what was happening with my periods. I was a competitive athlete and spent a lot of time training and competing and explained this to the doctor. My mum explained how she was concerned that my periods had stopped. She wanted to know what it might be caused by, and what we should do about it. The doctor responded by ..read more

Many people with anorexia speak about having an anorexic voice in their head. They explain that anorexia speaks to them, and it is this anorexic voice that drives their behaviour. For example, anorexia may be telling them that they’ve eaten too much and they are going to gain lots of weight so eating disorder compensation behaviours are needed. Also, it is this anorexic voice that people will often say speaks to them constantly telling them that anorexia will make them feel better, that they are nothing without it, that anorexia is the answer to all the problems. I don’t doubt that many people ..read more