A man who’d just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The Blonde Mortician The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, ‘I don’t care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.’ The woman returns the next day ..read more

The post Older Men are Disappearing first appeared on Slay.me ..read more

A Husband went Christmas Shopping at a busy shopping mall just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on his cell. The wife said ” Where are you, you know we have lots to do.” He said “You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?” Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up… “Yes, I do remember that shop.” she replied. “Well I am in the golf shop ..read more

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, “It’s certainly not a ship” As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft. Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit. Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask and zipping down the top of the wet suit stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde! She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a good cigar?” “Ten years,” replied the a ..read more

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes, (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter, old man? Never done anything wild in your life?” Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in c ..read more

The madam opened the brothel door in Butte and saw a rather dignified, a well-dressed, good-looking man in his late fifties. May I help you sir?”  she asked. The man replied,  “I want to see Valerie.” “Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies.  Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam. He replied, “No, I must see Valerie.” Just then, a gorgeous Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5,000 a visit Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. T ..read more

Joke of the Day Fred and Larry got married in California. They couldn’t afford a honeymoon so, they go back to Fred’s Mom and Dad’s house for their first married night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred’s little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Larry are up yet. She replies, “No.” Johnny asks, “Do you know what I think?” His mom replies, “I don’t want to hear what you think! Just go to school.” Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, “Are Fred and Larry up yet?” She replies, “No.” Johnny says, “Do you ..read more

Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and wine to last a month! Day 2 – Opening my 8th bottle of Wine. I fear wine supplies might not last. Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who knew?? Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas. Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!! Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m sooo excited, I can’t decide what to wear. Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!! Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen.” You have to gather all the ingredients and make y ..read more

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells theAmerican diplomats accompanying him, “You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land, for just $100.” The American diplomats go into a corner to discuss it for a few minutes. They return and tell him they want Donald Trump shipped home. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gestures and declares “You’re fired!” at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, June 17, 2015. REUTERS/Dominick ..read more