Too Tired for Hope
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
8h ago
I didn’t sleep well last night. Yes, again. I was overthinking the whole lupus-rheumatology thing, even though I promised myself I wouldn’t. So it’s back to moving the compulsive thoughts to the frontal cortex. I’m not feeling anxious, really. Just uselessly spinning the cogs, because I can’t do anything else. On one hand, I’m tired of wondering what’s wrong, bitter about needing to. And on the other hand, I can barely use a fork because it’s too heavy, and wouldn’t it be nice to know why? Maybe even treat it? I vacillate between letting myself hope for something better and believing the only ..read more
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4 New Appointments
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
22h ago
I started the day with one appointment and ended the day with four new appointments between now and early July. My oncologist asked if there was any particular reason I didn’t do my infectious disease and rheumatology appointments. I explained that I was too tired, there were too many things going on, and I needed a break. He understood but encouraged me to see the rheumatologist because of my positive speckled ANA results, and then he mentioned some soft tissue shenanigans and wondered about lupus. Man, I am not Googling that shit again. I asked the doctor if there was any rheumatologist he c ..read more
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Book Review: One Zentangle a Day
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
22h ago
In 2018, I began my doodle art journey with the book One Zentangle a Day by artist Beckah Krahula. I’d seen some videos here and there of people turning meditative patterns into gorgeous art, and I thought to myself it looked like fun—drawing for the pure joy of it. Maybe, I thought, I could learn to Zentangle too. Enamored with the oddly satisfying doodle art videos I’d watched on YouTube after my adjuvant cancer treatments, I decided to record my daily lessons along the way. I tried new patterns and then put them together. The results were not great at first. As I learned and improved, I ..read more
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Sodium Lauryl Sulfate in my Toothpaste
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
4d ago
I’ll get to the sodium lauryl sulfate in my toothpaste in a sec. But first! Yesterday was definitely a day. Mom landed in the ER. (She is okay, but in pain). I got another rejection letter from a literary agent. And I broke my website. Mom was trying to load some old patio chairs into her Jeep to take to the ReStore in Collinsville, but they didn’t load easily. She fell, putting a pretty substantial gash in her ring finger and giving her a torn meniscus. The ER was hopping yesterday too, so she was at the hospital for like 6.5 hours, during which time I pretty much felt like a useless eater ..read more
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5 Types of Meditative Art for Anxiety
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
4d ago
Before I list my favorite types of meditative art, we really should have a mutual understanding of what it is. My working definition is this: meditative art is anything creative that brings you into the present moment and keeps you from focusing on past trauma or future worries. (The stuff that makes us anxious.) For this post I will be discussing visual art. What are the benefits of meditative art? Well, I’m glad you asked. In addition to reducing stress and anxiety, meditative art can bring clarity and help you examine your emotions, express yourself, and find a sense of freedom and empow ..read more
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Go Home, Merlin. You’re Drunk.
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
4d ago
Maybe on Wild Turkey. I’ve had the window open most of the day. Much to Ollie’s delight. He likes listening to the birds as much as I do. He’ll jump up to the window sill and chatter delightedly at their busymaking. This morning, though, he had serious zooms. Jumping up and back down and running to the next room to see what the birds were doing outside that window. At one point, Ollie made impact with the floor as he was vocalizing a half-meow half-chirp while Merlin was recording. In a matter of nanoseconds, Merlin identified a wild turkey. Oliver is heretofore nicknamed Wild Turkey. While wi ..read more
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Am I Allergic to Toothpaste?
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
1w ago
I think my natural toothpaste caused my lymph node swelling? Question mark? Am I allergic to toothpaste now? I can’t confirm anything yet, because my lymph nodes are still slightly enlarged, but they’re much smaller and way less angry. And the only thing I can figure out is that I switched toothpaste. See a couple of years ago, during chemo, brushing my teeth made me gag. (If you know, you know.) At the time, the Peroxicare stuff Dan and I both used was super foamy, which made me want to puke more. It also aggravated my dry, burning mouth, so I switched to a natural, non-fluoride brand. Tom’s ..read more
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Another Bill, Another Day That Ends in “Y”
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
1w ago
This not what I want to be doing with my time. It’s not that I feel undeserving of financial help when it comes to medical bills, it’s that I hate asking for money when I could be building this website or putting on clean underwear. Plugging my GoFundMe uses up energy I would rather use elsewhere. But here I am, in the soulless United States of America begging for help covering medical bills for biopsies that didn’t help diagnose a damn thing anyway. Trying to keep these charges from going to collections. It’s no wonder I’m broken. If you would like to help, I need like 5 people to share thi ..read more
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Zentangle Pattern Bijou Tile Gallery
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
1w ago
Close-up tiles from my YouTube series videos. Which pattern will you draw next? Pineple by Mei Hua Teng, CZTIrradial by Tomas PadrosCaro by Lucy Farran, CZTOns by Curtis Hwang, CZTAnooka by Smita TokeFloral Waves by Svetlana KrasnobayFriendship by Nicole DreyerAkebia by Gloria Barocio, CZTAngel Fish by Marizaan van Beek, CZTBublz by Kristi WallinSeta by LonettaHeartgram by Cyndi KnappAlcatraz by Diana E. MarshallReflections by Cheryl CraverDicentra by Diana E. MarshallSanaura by Hiroko Matsuo, CZTHeartlock by Candace MokArium by Hiroko Matsuo, CZTArukas by Molly HollibaughHoot by Erika Bonham ..read more
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76 Resources for Writers
Emily Suess Blog
by Emily Suess
1w ago
Before you get started, a few notes on the links. First of all, I don’t necessarily use or outright endorse all of these resources for writers myself. Thing is, in compiling this list I started thinking, “Who am I to judge what is helpful for other writers?” My goal is to provide you with a starting point for online exploration, not tell you what to do. So if you hate some of this stuff? Fine, not my fault! If you love it? I take full credit! There really is a lot of stuff here. I recommend bookmarking this page. Come back any time to browse, because it took me days to compile and it’s not goi ..read more
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