The owner of a viral Bruce Lehrmann tattoo has been traced to high profile Toowoomba man Bruce Lehrmann. Lehrmann owned up to the body-art, saying he wanted a permanent reminder of his ordeals. “I wanted to commemorate the time where I had to struggle through being given a rent-free three-bedroom home for a year, and had all my desires paid for by sleazy TV producers. “Going through the trauma of having my criminal trial dropped because another dodgy man refused to follow rules, and then being vilified for something I can still technically deny doing was a tough point in time for me. I wanted ..read more

In a relief for Australians who have struggled to get enough information on Arj Barker’s brief interaction with a mother at a comedy show on Saturday night, sources have confirmed that a dedicated 24-hour news service will be set up to cover the incident properly. A joint venture between Australia’s major media outlets, the new station will allow for much-needed new detail about the two-and-a-half minute encounter. “The problem with this story so far is that it’s only been given eight to nine minutes on each of the major television and radio networks. So Australians have really been left in th ..read more

A Melbourne woman who briefly looked at a chair on the Freedom Furniture website in 2019 will be subjected to nothing but ads for chairs until at least 2028. “I bought the chair. I literally don’t need any more chairs. Is there a way I can let them know I don’t need more chairs?” she said today, as a pop-up for ‘20% off all chairs’ ad appeared on her screen. The woman said she had been trying different methods to stop the ads. “I’ve been writing posts about all of the chairs I have. I’ve been Googling ‘I have a lot of chairs and I literally don’t need any more’. But it hasn’t worked. “I’ve bee ..read more

Joe Biden has told Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to scale back attacks on civilian areas in Gaza, or risk a barrage of empty statements, the likes of which have never been seen before. “Last month I said we were ‘deeply dismayed’ about the situation in Gaza. Well, if things don’t change soon, I will release a statement saying we are ‘intensely upset’ or even ‘severely displeased’. I don’t have to tell you the effect that could have on the situation,” Biden told journalists today. Biden ran through a list of statements the US could fire off – including ‘dissatisfied’, ‘disgruntled ..read more

Describing it as minor tweak to Australia’s citizenship requirements, Anthony Albanese says applicants will now need to provide evidence that they have launched a 30kg pole at a mass murderer in order to have their submissions processed. “It’s a fairly straightforward requirement,” the PM told a press conference today. “We’re simply asking people to answer some basic questions such as, ‘What is the meaning of ANZAC Day?’ ‘What is on the Commonwealth Coat of Arms?’ and ‘When was the last time you stopped a knife attack with a piece of street furniture?’ I don’t think that is too onerous”. Oppos ..read more

REVIEW: Seven’s new season of Dancing with the Dickheads is off to a cracking start with more gaping holes of morality than you can poke your stick into. Bruce Lehrmann’s wardrobe malfunction in last week’s breakdance to R Kelly’s ‘Don’t You Say No’ was finally reviewed by British lipreading experts who confirmed the former liberal staffer exclaimed “lol, my cock’s hanging out, let’s get lit” during an otherwise technically perfect execution of the worm. Saved by the grace of guest judge and previous DWTD winner, Wayne Carey, Lehrmann swore on the lives of all disgraced Channel 7 personalities ..read more

Letter deliveries will shift to every second business day from now on, according to a statement Australia Post mailed to media outlets four years ago. The organisation said they wanted to give Australians several years to get ready for the change, but the announcement was held up in a sorting facility in Dandenong South for three years, before finally being sent to media outlets in Sydney and Melbourne last December, via Broome. “Unfortunately once it got to Broome it was then mistaken for a Christmas card, which meant it was held back for three months and only only delivered today,” a spokesp ..read more

When you’ve been accused of doing something wrong in public life, the response usually is to go to ground and keep your mouth shut.  In the Defo Awards we celebrate those brave men, and other men, who took a different route. The men who, against all advice, against all logic, against all public relations theory, boldly set out to sue their accusers and monumentally fuck it up. There have been some stunning performances. Here are our winners …  Best Lead Actor in a Defamation Fuck-Up Winner: Bruce Lehrmann Judge’s Comments: When it comes to overestimating one’s own abilities, Bruce Le ..read more

Pointing out that it was a long time ago and that his memory isn’t perfect, former political staffer Bruce Lehrmann says he cannot remember the outcome of today’s defamation verdict, or even launching proceedings in the first place. “I don’t recall ever initiating defamation action. And if I did, I certainly don’t have any recollection of losing the case,” he told journalists. He said it was unreasonable for him to be expected to remember in detail something which happened dozens of minutes ago. “The supposed date of the findings – 15th April 2024 – is a very long time ago. I don’t even rememb ..read more

Peter Dutton has stubbed his toe while walking to the kitchen at his family home, immediately drawing parallels to the pain and suffering felt by victims of the Twin Towers attacks of September 2001. It comes after he compared last October’s pro-Palestine rally at the Sydney Opera House to the Port Arthur Massacre. In a statement to media, Dutton said his stubbed toe – which he referred to as ‘the events of April 11’ – was a significant moment that would be seared into the Australian psyche. “While no one was killed during the events of April 11, it was akin to 9/11 in terms of its social sign ..read more