When you split from a partner and children aren’t involved, you don’t have to see each other. This allows time to heal and process the split. Separated parents don’t have that ‘luxury’. Their children need them both and parents need to share information and make child arrangements. That’s difficult when it’s painful to see or speak to your co-parent. Separated parents need to transition from exes to co-parents ASAP. However, conflict and hurt are bubbling under the surface and can easily spill out. We know that its not parents separating that harms children, but prolonged conflict or failure t ..read more

I’m nervous about my Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting ‘MIAM’. It’s normal to feel nervous but it’s a relaxed meeting and the mediator will do their best to put you at ease. It’s an opportunity for you both to meet and establish a rapport. The mediator will ask you for background information and about your level of communication with your spouse. They will carry safety checks to ensure mediation will be safe inside and outside the room. They will explore with you the issues you want to resolve. They will explain how mediation works and outline other methods of resolving the dispute ..read more

Divorce is a huge trauma. Accept that it’s ok to be hurt and angry and that it will take time to heal. Talk, talk, talk. Confide in your friends and family and especially those who are good listeners. Don’t get bitter. There comes a point when it can be unhealthy to continuously rehash old ground. The past can’t be changed, and you probably won’t agree on it. Pour your heart out but then decide you won’t be defined by a past you can’t change. Take positives steps to keep mentally and physically healthy. Exercise – even if that just means walking the dog. Eat well and don’t drink too much – al ..read more

A child’s long journey towards independence starts when it is born.  A very long period of dependence follows into infancy through babyhood to childhood and beyond. Parents need to be in it for the long haul, ready to encourage independence and self-reliance, resilience, confidence and survival. Children cannot have too much love and nurturing. The more people who love and care for them, the richer children’s lives will be and the more they will learn and thrive and feel secure and capable of going out into the world and forging their own path. This is one reason parental fighting over childre ..read more

Our children are not our belongings – they belong to themselves. If parents separate, children must not normally be cut off from a parent, who is after all half of their creation. Nor should their time be cut up in some cruel way without their feelings being taken into account to serve the sense of justice of others. Parents should ask themselves the only question that really matters “Do we love our children more than we hate each other? More even than getting what we want?” If the answer to that question is “Yes!” make that mean something by helping your children maintain loving relationship ..read more

Parents know how perceptive children can be. Watch this clip of Tiana, a very intuitive six-year-old. Her parents had been arguing and she asked her mother to listen to her. Tiana asked both to stop fighting and be friends again. She asked them to calm down and to stop being mean. She said if she could be nice, they could be nice to each other too. She spoke about how she likes to see people smile and she likes to make people smile. She asked them to be ‘lower’ and ‘steady’. She wanted them to be respectful to one another and treat each other kindly. Children Will Adapt, Don’t Worry. People ..read more

Divorcing couples experience trauma. It takes time to grieve for their marriage and eventually heal and move forward. Anger forms a significant part of the process and doesn’t mix well with social media. Before posting about your divorce on Facebook or other social media platforms, here are some points to consider: You aren’t only sharing your post with Facebook friends who regularly engage with you by ‘liking’ or commenting on your posts. Most users have some Facebook friends who read their posts but never interact with them. Are you comfortable sharing your divorce related updates with ever ..read more

Here’s our guide to help clients get the most from their family mediation sessions. Choose a good mediator How experienced is your mediator? You can ensure they are highly qualified if they are Family Mediation Council Accredited. The accreditation process is lengthy, and mediators must complete an extensive portfolio evidencing their competency and expertise. Can a friend or your solicitor recommend a mediator? Many Focus Mediation clients are recommended to us by our previous clients. Check your mediator’s website and their reviews. Is the website informative and helpful? Write down your ..read more

We know that the law treats unmarried couples very differently from married couples. Recently, whilst reading comments in a public divorce forum, I saw several members giving someone inaccurate legal information about the length of a relationship upon divorce. The issue had cropped up before and had each time caused confusion. The poster said she had lived with her husband for 20 years before marriage and they had 3 children under 14. She had been a full-time mother since the children were born. The marriage had lasted a year as her husband had decided it wasn’t working. He told her that as th ..read more

Parents attending mediation may already have a Child Arrangements Order. This doesn’t surprise mediators. One or both may believe the existing court order is out of date. That’s a problem with child arrangements orders; they can become less relevant as the child grows older and their needs change. For example, if an order provides a toddler will spend 9am – 4pm with a parent every Wednesday, that’s fine until the child begins school. If the child starts school at 9am and finishes at 3.15pm, and the parents can’t amend and update the arrangement by agreement, then there’s a problem. Litigation ..read more