Ever since the last stretch post, a lot of things happened to me. I am still processing the hiccups and turbulences, it was hard and confusing at times - that explained my hiatus. But most of the time, I was just too busy surviving the chapter. My brother asked me why I'm not updating anything - I couldn't, I am still processing. - ☾₊ ⊹ First Week of Raya Raya was triggering, as per usual. I was back at my mom's and it wasn't that great (because I couldn't avoid it this time, I had to go through it without any distractions). I think both my younger siblings can agree that this Raya was a bit ..read more

Note: I'm back from my Raya holiday quite early, so to end my hiatus I will finish up drafting this post and actually click the 'publish' button. Salam Aidilfitri ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆  Books I Consumed in March - April : The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante - loved it. Would read more books by Elena Ferrante. My Husband by Maud Ventura - A French woman obsessing about her "ideal" husband and how to make their marriage more passionate even after 15 years together. It was annoyingly obsessive, would question where is the line between love and obsession. Strangers by Taichi Yamada - heyyy ..read more

Intense final week: I dreamed of my work last night, in my dream, I was managing which task to do first. Lining up all the tasks in their order and priority, thinking about how on earth to manage multiple tasks concurrently so I wouldn't be late to submit everything. Whole day working and I continued working even in my dream. But despite that, because it is week 8 of the training, I have managed my expectations and possibly my stress as well.  BUT, I might be in denial - maybe I am just not as hysterical as before, but the stress is still really high. Or else, I wouldn't be waking up la ..read more

  I'm continuing back this book: The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. I bought this book last year and have been trying to finish this up (but it is taking too long). The issue with this book is how it is written, the penyampaian of these philosophies - it is boring, well not as boring as reading a textbook, but boring enough. In this book, the philosopher is having a conversation with a youth, explaining the philosophical theories by Alfred Adler. No stories, just a really long conversation so it felt like ideas were being preached to me instead of reading a s ..read more

A couple more weeks to survive this crazy work phase (17 days to be exact) - of working full-time with 2 companies. At the same time, I managed to officially finish all my client work yesterday and that felt like a burden being lifted off my shoulder - a bit.  I slept through the night for the first time - last night.  - I work on weekdays and weekends, early morning until night time, which includes public holidays. None respected my time because apparently as a "freelancer" I made myself available all the time (because I always work odd hours to manage multiple projects, so I ju ..read more

A Bit Too Tense : I've been having minor migraine for 5 days. I could even feel the pressure on my jaw. Yesterday I had to try the migraine massage in Putrajaya, just to try something. I know I'm stressed out and overbooked, but I have no option but to go through this until the end of March. This morning I woke up anxious, I couldn't eat and felt nauseous. I tried the acupressure mat and my heart rhythm slowed down a bit.  I tried the massage, I tried the acupressure mat, I tried drinking warm water (supposedly to hydrate), and I tried breathing practices. But I still can't manage my st ..read more

Didn't feel like writing :F Work-wise: February is mostly a work month - I'm "supposedly" working full-time with 2 companies. The agency that tried to sue me because I signed a contract but I canceled on working with them before the date started (in Nov) and also the fintech that has been offering me a full-time position since July last year but has not yet given me a proper contract to sign half a year later. Like I said before, career-wise, it is an odd phase for me. I can't say for a fact that I am working officially for anyone - but, yes, I am working unofficially for them. Because of th ..read more

I went to a de-stress treatment at Virtue TCM in Bangsar South. My sister paid for a de-stress treatment (guasha + cupping + acupuncture) for an hour. You get a consultation and an explanation about the whole treatment. After I explained my 'whole' health history, the practitioner explained and advised me on how to manage the stress and anxiety, how important it is to overcome the sleeping problem, the bad posture, the gut issues, etc etc etc. She suggested Chinese medicinal herbs for sleeping and gut issues, to help improve my body, so that I can manage my 'emotions' better - which I rejecte ..read more

 - Don’t worry it does get better.    You promise?  I promise. Listen, I was on the airplane the other day, and I realized, I mean, I’ve been longing to say this out loud, so.. Women are born with pain built in. It’s our physical destiny. Uh, period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out. They invent all these gods and demons and things, all so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own. Then they create wars so they can feel things and touch e ..read more

Last weekend my siblings and I were invited to my cousin's Nikah (it has been a while since I went to a wedding). We were invited as the representative of the bride's family. I think it is one of the most stressful weddings we've been invited to because we had to make extra preparations - like wearing specific matching colours and with limited 'only-invite' seats (no kids event - means no Sofi), needing to arrive at the specific time, and of course, it was my dad's side of the family - so, if you know, you know.  But it is the fanciest that I've been to so far.  It was like being i ..read more