Eyes are ears and other myths
A diary of a mom
by jess
2y ago
Last night, I posted the following on Diary’s Facebook page: Oh, Brooke. I’m so sorry. I saw that worksheet that came home in your backpack. The one on which you’d so diligently parroted back the lessons about what’s necessary to convince people that you’re listening to them, writing in “eye contact” so neatly, right there on the line. I promise I’ll talk to your teachers, kiddo. We’ll make sure that they all know what it means to “respect your autistic identity,” just like it says in your IEP. You see some people – a lot of people – are, well, pretty confused. For some reason, they perceive ..read more
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The Updated Version of “How to get Your Teenager to Talk to You in 9,876 Easy Steps” by Katie
A diary of a mom
by jess
2y ago
Hey, folks. Katie here. Last year, my mom and I came to the realization that not all parents/children have the close relationship that my mom and I manage to have. Today, I realized that the post the two of us wrote last year on how to get your teenage child to talk to you was, well, fairly outdated. So, after much consideration, here is the updated list.   Do not, I repeat, DO NOT ask how their day at school was.This is uncomfortable on so many levels, especially if you aren’t particularly close with them at that moment. Asking how someone’s day at school was is like saying ..read more
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A meltdown is not a tantrum
A diary of a mom
by jess
2y ago
{image is a photo of a young man curled into a ball, covering his head with his hands} – On the outside it might look like a sudden explosion, but it’s actually the final few minutes of a process that may have taken hours or even days to develop. Bec at Snagglebox, What Does a Meltdown Feel Like? – I thought she wouldn’t stop. . I didn’t know she couldn’t stop.I didn’t know there was a difference. . I just didn’t know. . Diary, Getting There is Love, 2008 . – An autistic meltdown is not a tantrum. One is about control. The other is a loss of control. One is about testing boundaries. The ..read more
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You should tell your kids that they’re autistic, by Chavisory
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
There are so many things that inform my parenting. None, of course, more than my study of my children and my deep and abiding love for them along with the conviction that if my Mama gut is telling me something, I should likely listen. But when you parent a child who, in some fundamental way, experiences the world differently from the way that you do, there’s another step — seeking out those whose experiences more closely mirror hers and learning from them. Over the years, we’ve talked to a lot of ‘experts,’ many of whom have had some pretty fancy sounding titles and some really impressiv ..read more
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Respect + love + restraint = trust
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
I wrote the following last summer. Last July, to be precise. My dad is a hugger. He’s not a polite hugger, nor even a typically straight-male-pat-on-the-back-while-hugging-to-preserve-his-masculinity hugger. He’s a look-out-cause-here-he-comes hugger. He’s a hands on, I-love-you-and-I’m-a-gonna-show-you hugger. He’s an I-haven’t-seen-you-in-far-too-long-so-get-over-here-and-hug-your-papa-kiddo hugger. He is the most physically demonstrative person I’ve ever met. I’m 45 years old and still, I can’t walk by him without him reaching out to stroke my hair or squeeze my shoulder. Wh ..read more
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Dear suzanne – again
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
Dear Suzanne, It seems we’re here again. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be having a different version of the same old tired conversation. But I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how else to counter the harm that you continue to do in the name of some terribly perverted version of “advocacy” in my daughter’s name. Your intentions may be pure, but the road to Hell is paved with those. It’s time to take responsibility for the collateral damage that you wreak every time you take to your bully pulpit. Have you met Sparrow, Suzanne? She’s an autistic advocate. One of the people whom ..read more
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The divinity of love
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
{image is a photo of yours truly, delivering a sermon from the pulpit} In January of 2020, I was asked by a dear friend, a reverend, to deliver a sermon in her stead. What follows is my attempt to honor her belief that I was even remotely qualified to do so. Watch here Friends, I am so incredibly honored to be here with you today. It strikes me as terribly improbable that I’m the one standing in the pulpit, and I think it’s only fair to tell you why. I’ve never done anything remotely like this before. And hey, depending on how well it goes, I may never do anything like it again. I am not what ..read more
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Invisible
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
If ever you hear my words, if ever you take in any single morsel of the reams and reams that I write, please, I beg you, let it be these. I didn’t see it. I didn’t see HER. I’d asked her to come speak with me. I’d raved and raved about her words, her thoughts, her insights, the urgency in her truth. See me, she shouted through her typed words, painstakingly spelled one … letter … at … a …. time. SEE ME. I can think, she said. I can hear you, she said. I can learn, she said. Teach me, she said. Believe in me, she said. SEE ME, she said. Sitting next to her, I pleaded with the students – th ..read more
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Trust
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
Last night, as my dad drove us home from the amusement park, he said, “Brooke, we’re about three minutes away from home now.” In another minute, he said, “Brooke, about two minutes left, okay?” As we got close, he said, “We’re going to go around the river, up the hill, and then around one bend. And then we’ll be home.” “Around the river and up the hill?’ she asked from the back seat. “Yup,” he said, “and then around the bend and we’ll be home.” “Ooooooookay!” she shouted back with a grin. This has become a thing. Over the past few months, since we’ve been coming down, my dad has narrated the ..read more
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You can’t put on a coat while holding a lunch box
A diary of a mom
by jess
3y ago
Editor’s note: I have done something that I don’t typically do here. I have changed some details of the scenario you are about to read. Although they have no bearing on the story itself, they are important in the context of Brooke’s privacy. That’s all. Carry on. {image is a photo of Brooke at the zoo at age five, when she was in kindergarten.} It was Saturday morning. Luau would be home from work soon and I was trying to get myself and the girls ready to go to my dad’s. Despite our best efforts, we were moving like the Keystone Cops in a vat of molasses. Efficient we were not. I told Br ..read more
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