Photo by Ruby Schmank on Unsplash I never really remember how these newsletters are supposed to be constructed, so “format” may look silly. I would add that it’s been a long week and we are all tired, but that has been the status quo since roughly the middle of 2016, has it not? So forget I said that. I know I will. We started the day with Tabs, as ever, and thank heavens it had kittycat pics. Evan wrote a really smart discussion of really stupid decision-making at the New York Times, and why the Grey Lady is such a jerk about Joe Biden’s age. Spoiler: it’s because he hasn’t given the Times ..read more

That cucumber peel was a pain to work with, but it make the drink really pretty. Greetings, Wonketeers! I’m Hooper, your bartender. Spring is really, truly here now, honest. I’ve been a little stir crazy these past few weeks in Ohio. Time to make a completely over the top summer drink, something with all the ingredients that make a gin cocktail good. Let’s make a White Linen. Here’s the recipe:   White Linen 1 ½ oz Vim & Petal Gin ½ oz St. Germain Elderflower Liqueur  ½ oz lemon juice ½ oz honey syrup 4 English cucumber slices  2 oz sparkling wine Cucumber peel garnis ..read more

Nyuk nyuk nyuk. If you are a school employee who must commit a crime, do not — and we can’t stress this enough — commit a crime that is easily investigated by the principal of your school. But if you do commit a crime easily investigated by the principal of your school, do not — and we also can’t stress this enough — compound your problem by committing more crimes. But if you must commit more crimes — and really, again, don’t do this — do not commit them against said principal in an obvious and blatant act of revenge designed to fuck up his life and derail the investigation of your original ..read more

Wonkette photoshoop. Original pics by Gage Skidmore and Gus Taf, Creative Commons License 2.0 The Biden administration’s ongoing war on “junk fees” and other general pains in the ass for consumers continued this week, with the Transportation Department filing final versions of two new rules aimed at making major airlines straighten up and fly right. The first rule requires airlines to do one seemingly simple thing: Disclose the full price of tickets before people buy them. This price must include whatever dumbass made-up fees will apply, from fees to check luggage to fees for keeping the doo ..read more

Russell Maze holding his son, Alex Maze I understand that we must, to some degree, coddle people who believe in stupid things. It’s better to say “I don’t personally believe in ghosts” than “Ghosts do not exist, you fucking dumbass.” I may not be scared of ghosts, but you can bet your ass I am scared to death of people who believe in ghosts cornering me in conversation and telling me about their ghost encounters and then demanding to know if I still think they are a liar. But there has to be a line. You don’t get to send people to prison based on the testimony of a ghost eyewitness that only ..read more

Oh for the halcyon days of 2012, when high-profile Republicans simply terrorized their family dogs by strapping them to the roof of the car instead of murdering them. But like everything else in our rapidly spiraling dystopia, we find ourselves forced to confront something even uglier than the image of an Irish Setter’s diarrhea slow-rolling down the windows of Mitt Romney’s Chevy Caprice station wagon as he and his family zoomed at a respectable 55 m.p.h. towards Lake Huron. Subscribe to Wonkette, where we are nice to our pets. Kristi “Killer” Noem, governor of South Dakota and alleged n ..read more

Photo: Jenny RAPTOR Hey! Here’s some really good and happy news for everyone — the FCC has restored net neutrality, another thing that Donald Trump and his evil corporate minions (not even hyperbole) stole from us! Net neutrality regulations were first implemented during the Obama administration and undone under Trump, as his appointees to the FCC hated nice things just as much as he did. These regulations being restored not only means that we will have a free and open internet where major players don’t get to pay our internet providers for a special fast lane, but also that as long as we ke ..read more

As horrified as many of us are by the future implications of AI, conservatives have been pretty thrilled by it — cheering for a future where art, movies, television, music, etc. can be created by robots instead of actual human beings. They don’t exactly have a ton of talent and they hate having to rely on us for entertainment, so they have to hope for a sad future where they can fashion themselves an episode of “Seinfeld” in which Jerry asks “What’s the deal with women voting?!?” or can make Nick Fuentes’s words come out of George Carlin’s mouth — or when, finally, they can make their own A ..read more

Happier times. There was peening, and there was paying, but the shushing didn’t last! On our last episode of As The Pecker Turns Tuesday, tabloid grandpa had just taken the stand and whoomped-there-it-is’d that he hadn’t only been catching and killing bimbo-eruption stories for his old pal Donald, but also was letting the campaign have its way with the editorial pages, to push Dying-Hilary-Rubio-Cocaine-Dealer smears against his enemies.  Since then, Trump’s opened his weird wet little mouth to violate his gag order at least four times, smacktalking about Michael Cohen and sneering that ..read more

NYT publisher AG Sulzberger waiting for his fucking Biden interview, as portrayed by a cute kitten. Man, every time the New York Times disappoints you, it’s like “HOLD MY BEER, I’LL SHOW YOU DISAPPOINTMENT,” and you’re like “you just did,” and they’re like “I’LL SHOW YOU AGAIN,” and you’re like “I believed you the first time,” and they’re like “I SAID HOLD MY BEER.” Politico has a report out on what a petty snotnosed little twink the Grey Lady really is about Joe Biden. Literally. “The Petty Feud Between the NYT and the White House,” it’s called. The Times comes off like a brat throughout, b ..read more