“Mommy, my hair is weird and I’m brown”
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
This summer, Miles had a swim lesson at a public pool. It was sunny and hot out, so when he was done, we stayed for open swim. He had just that day conquered his fear of water and was enjoying leaping into the pool over and over again. After about the fourth time, he climbed out and stood on the edge of the pool. Almost as an after thought, he said, “Mommy, my hair is weird,” as he pulled taut one of his adorably tight ringlets. I bristled. He’d never said anything like that before. I immediately answered, “Your hair’s not weird, Miles. It’s beautiful. The most beautiful hair I’ve ever seen ..read more
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Trump’s first action as President confirms my fears as a mother of a Black son
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
Unlike many people I know, who understandably turned their backs on it, I watched Trump’s Inauguration this morning. I sat there with Miles and we watched it together. (Well, he sorta-kinda watched it while playing with his trains.) I felt the need to sit through it, though, to experience the excruciating reality of this new era we are embarking on because Miles cannot–my family and so many others cannot–escape the consequences of it. At one point, Miles asked me who Donald Trump was. “Who that, Mommy?” I cringed as I replied, “That’s our new President.” “I want a present, too ..read more
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Life Lately
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
It’s been an exciting start to 2017. We recently moved into a new place and have been having a lot of fun exploring the neighborhood. We’re in the Pacific Northwest and of course it’s been raining… so we’ve been puddle jumping! And finding all the good places to rest while we’re out on walks. The fluffy moss on this treed makes it especially nice for sitting. We found a fantastic new barber just a couple of blocks away from our new place, so we went and got Miles a fresh line-up. He’s still not sure about the clippers being that close to his head, so we had ..read more
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A new year, and my 2017 parenting goals
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
The end of a year is always the perfect time to reflect on the successes, failures, and misgivings of the prior year and to make goals for the shiny, sparkling promise of a brand new spin around the sun. Now that I’m the mother of a precocious nearly-three-year-old, my parenting choices, strengths, and weaknesses have moved to the top of my year-end self-eval. In summary? Strikes and gutters. I’d say that I did pretty well as a mother this year, overall, and maybe even had a few stellar super-mom moments. But there are decidedly a few areas in which I need to improve. To m ..read more
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Future adoptive parents: How can I best help you?
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
I’ve been receiving emails from potential adoptive parents (which I absolutely love) asking different questions about the adoption process or our agency or my thoughts on different things. I’d like to compile answers so I have somewhere to point people when they ask, but I’d love to hear exactly what you’d like to know so I don’t leave anything out. How can I use my experience to best help you? What specific questions do you have at this point in your journey? What do you wish you could ask me over coffee? Leave a comment or email me directly at: myrealkid@gmail.com Thank you all, an ..read more
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Why I want my son to know his birth family
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
When I started writing this blog, I committed to not writing about anyone else’s story or experience with adoption but mine. I’ve never mentioned personal details about Miles’ birth family and don’t plan on it. But, now that Miles is two and a half and is becoming more aware of what family means, they’ve been on my mind a lot. I’m still not going to name names or show photos without their permission, but I think it’s okay to write in more general terms. I’m fortunate to have stayed in contact with Miles’ birthmother since he was born. She’s a wonderful, strong woman who loves him so much. He’s ..read more
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New Beginnings
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
It feels like I’ve lived an entire lifetime since I published my last post. That’s pretty much true, actually–in the past few months, my little family moved all the way across the country from Charlottesville, VA to Portland, OR. Where to begin? Phew, it all happened so fast. I won’t get into details, but we were thrilled when Jamie got a job offer in a city we were excited to live in, where we have best friends, and that puts us closer to immediate family: back out west where we’ve both been since high school. Jamie and I have moved across the country before ..read more
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Tantrum time! On discipline and setting boundaries
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
Yes, our family came together differently than most others. And yes, issues surrounding my son’s adoption are pretty much on my mind 24/7. But sometimes I forget that I’m just like any other parent out there and that my toddler is just like any other toddler out there–throwing the tantrum to end all tantrums from time to time. “No, that’s mine,” were the first three words he ever strung together. It was so cute and endearing that I had to laugh. In fact, most of the naughty things that he does are so cute that I have to laugh. Sometimes I don’t know how I will ever be able to d ..read more
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Watch this: A Conversation About Growing Up Black
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
A Conversation About Growing Up Black is part of a NY Times series of interviews on race. It’s a short (5-minute) “Op-Doc” in which Black males talk about the challenges they face growing up as kids of color. It’s one thing to read about racism, but quite another to hear about it from children who actually experience it. My heart breaks when 10-year-old Maddox says, “I want people to know that I’m perfectly fine and that I’m not going to hurt anybody or do anything bad.” I know that at many points in his life, Miles will deal with these same challenges. I hope that my husb ..read more
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But, is it diverse enough?
My Real Kid: life as a transracial adoptive mom
by alliegferguson
3y ago
I have always loved to travel, and to live in new places. I’ve called seven different cities and countless more rental houses home in the past 20 years. Each time I’ve moved, there were numerous decisions to be made: where to live, where to work, where to play being among them. In the past, I was always free to pick and choose the best neighborhood I could afford, closest to the biggest park, and the amenities that were important to me at the time. Not once–not one time–did I have to rule out a city, town, or neighborhood I desired based on the color of my skin. While ..read more
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