A day after a Western Sydney council voted to remove a same-sex parenting book from its libraries, there have been calls to remove the world’s most popular book about same-sex parenting, The Bible. Regarded by many experts as the original manual on raising a blended family, The Bible tells the story of a boy raised by two fathers and a surrogate mother in the Middle East. Critics say it is inappropriate for the book to be shelved in public libraries, given it celebrates non-traditional parenting methods. “It’s completely unsuitable for children,” Sydney resident Graeme Releigh said. “We don’t ..read more

A new rating scale, launched this week, will allow Western governments to more clearly express which meaningless platitude they are using about the situation in Gaza today. Advocates say the new system will help reduce confusion about exactly what empty statement is being expressed, while Governments continue to do nothing. “I had a situation last week where I thought my government was Profoundly Troubled by the slaughter of civilians in Gaza, but it turns out they were only Deeply Dismayed. This new system will make things a lot clearer and avoid any confusion,” Australian Jess Koh said. Amer ..read more

Just minutes after agreeing to pay the competition watchdog $120 million for advertising cancelled flights, Qantas has cancelled the payment. We have secured a leaked copy of the email sent to the ACCC. The post Qantas Schedules Payment of ACCC Fine for Tomorrow. Immediately Cancels It appeared first on The Shovel ..read more

The Federal Government has announced a bold new funding package aimed at ensuring gendered violence is no longer a hot media topic. “We are confident that this package will ensure we can deflect responsibility away from male voters, while also being large enough that anyone who complains sounds unreasonable,” said Prime Minister Anthony Albanese at a closed press conference. “The women of Australia have shown us that they’re not going to sit down quietly unless we do something. So we’re going to make a big show of doing some of the things we already promised like legislating paid DV leave, but ..read more

Budget carrier Bonza has managed to maintain a higher standard of service than Qantas, despite being shut down since Tuesday, aviation experts say. “It’s definitely a better customer experience,” industry analyst Jason Burnetti said. “You know what you’re getting with Bonza”. Many travellers agreed. “Sure, my flight didn’t go ahead, but on the plus side my luggage isn’t broken into eleven pieces,” Bonza customer Sally Nguyen said. Another Bonza customer who was scheduled to fly from Albury to the Sunshine Coast yesterday, said his luggage was still in Albury. “Last time I flew Qantas to the Su ..read more

An exasperated man has been at pains to point out that many women simply don’t understand what mansplaining is, despite widespread media coverage of the word. “Let me explain it to you slowly and simply so you can understand,” Sydney man Mitch Lambert said today. “Mansplaining, in its most basic form, is to explain something to someone – typically a man to a woman – in a manner regarded as condescending or patronising. I’m not sure why that’s so hard to understand”. He said it was frustrating to have to explain the meaning of the word over and over again. “But look, I’ll happily do it. We’ll j ..read more

Following support from thousands of Australians, and bipartisan support signals from the Opposition, the Government says the best way to solve the gendered violence crisis is with an extra $50 billion in defence spending. “Our country is facing a crisis that we can’t keep steadily ignoring for another 30 years. And that’s the dramatic underfunding of our defence sector,” Prime Minister Anthony Albanese said at a press conference that he previously declined to speak at. “This is an emotional time for our country and when I’m emotional, I think about what really matters, from my mum growing up i ..read more

The internet is divided on who is in the right, after a baby kicked a stand-up comedian out of its playpen yesterday. The comedian allegedly broke into a comedy routine, distracting the baby’s attempts to chew the wheels off a toy truck. The baby in question, Asher, attempted to crawl away from the comedian, but when he continued to make gags, things escalated. Asher began crying and slapping the comedian’s shoe until he removed himself from the area. People are split on whether the child did the right thing. A representative for Asher said that this is just what babies are like and that the c ..read more

The world has banded together to offer Donald Trump a fourteen-figure sum in exchange for never talking about anything at all ever again. Saying they were willing to pay whatever it takes to stop that ‘excruciating fucking noise emanating from the US’, the world’s citizens agreed to crowd-fund the hush money payment to silence the former President. “I’ve chipped in ten grand. If it means I never have to hear that whinging, crying little twatface man-baby throwing a sook again, it’ll be money well spent,” fund contributor Belinda Curnow said. “I have three toddlers under the age of four. But th ..read more

The owner of a viral Bruce Lehrmann tattoo has been traced to high profile Toowoomba man Bruce Lehrmann. Lehrmann owned up to the body-art, saying he wanted a permanent reminder of his ordeals. “I wanted to commemorate the time where I had to struggle through being given a rent-free three-bedroom home for a year, and had all my desires paid for by sleazy TV producers. “Going through the trauma of having my criminal trial dropped because another dodgy man refused to follow rules, and then being vilified for something I can still technically deny doing was a tough point in time for me. I wanted ..read more