​An almost perfect stay at a local hospital turned into the hospitalist treating me like I don’t matter.   Trying my best.  I went to ER on October 15, 2023 with excruciating abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting and shortness of breath. Scan showed pleural effusions, right greater than left.  My absolute neutrophil counts were critically low. During my stay I was seen by 2 hospitalists and a new one day of discharge. The pulmonologist told me Monday he was not aware of pathology of pleural fluid.  2 liters right, 1 liter left (Fri/Mon) I’m finally home on oxygen and dilaudid ..read more

There is a link to our cancer ministry below. I’m certain you are confused, how could someone with so many medical traumas and emotional traumas be faithful? Last week I went to confession, received an anointing of the sick and enrolled in the brown scapular. God is allowing my PTSD. God is allowing my cancer. God is allowing me to have difficult relationships and experience abandonment.   Jesus experienced the ultimate suffering as an innocent Lamb of God. Every day I think about how nice it would be to have a “normal” life, even with cancer.  I rely on really amazing friends and ha ..read more

​My radiation oncologist took a long time to show me radiology images and in detail explain the treated areas.  I thought we were treating pelvic lymphnodes but not.  It was a communication issue.  I trust him after he took time to listen, explain and help.   I am still fighting to live.  I have 2 more radiation treatments.  I explained my PTSD to him and he will refer me to the oncology psychologist. We are talking plans after radiation sessions end and I will get labs/UA before next two radiation treatments.  My 1900 CA125 scares me.   I think I want p ..read more

Because my prior gynonc gave me too much gemzar and rendered me with septic knee and daily antibiotics, he was fired. Now I have no choice but to travel 1-2 hours for cancer care! This is my new challenge: Gemzar now too toxic. My radiation mapping is off by an inch or two.  I have 3 sessions left.  They redo the tattoos each time with markers. I just found out my radiation oncologist has only been board certified for a year.  He has no messaging system so I am relegated to talking to schedulers about my concern over the mapping. That is not going well for me. It makes me nervou ..read more

For 5 weeks I will receive radiation treatment to my bladder dome and pelvis. My first dose was this past Wednesday. I am in excruciating pain. The most recent Gemcitabine and MVASI infusion sent me to the ER. I have not yet recovered. I was spilling red blood cells into urine, had fevers, severe addominal pain and lowered cell counts. My pain has not gone down much, Tramadol and Azo do not take my pain away. i hate this pain, not gonna lie. I sleep all the time, am in constant pain and literally have a very difficult time doing anything. I don't want to resume Gemzar, the side effects are not ..read more

​Hi.  I hope you are well.   I had Gemcitabine and MVASI Thursday (24th) and ended up in the ER on the 25th.  My new gynonc was able to figure out dosing for both Gemcitabine and Granix, thankfully.  My regimine has required me to take a morphine pill after my Granix on Fridays.  It renders me to bed by 6:00 on Fridays. We changed out Morphine this week to Tramedol because I cannot tolerate morphine side effects. But if I don’t avert bone pain from Granix I end up crawling on floor, unable to walk and my spinal cord feels like it is on fire. My new gynonc has made ..read more

​It’s Mother’s Day weekend.  I miss my mom!  Now I am dealing with consequences of 4 bad doctors, men who don’t hear me. The latest just the same as the rheumatology resident, giving me too much medicine.  I told my oncologist I wanted  to start with small dose of Gemzar.  It is even in the protocol.  I literally do NOT understand! I am emotionally distraught today.  I miss my cat Marilyn.  I miss my Mom. I know God walks with me but today I don’t feel him.  I can’t take the brutal disregard and abuse any more.  I’m struggling.  I should n ..read more

​  gave a good confession and received Anointing of the sick and holy communion.  The original Gemzar  included microdosing, which are written in drug manufacturer website.. I want apply mocro-dosimg gemzar protocols to minimize toxicoty first doses, then later in treatment.increase gemzar dosing.  I had asked for that during patient visits both Behbakht.  The requsts ere made during phone calls, to Dr. Diab and staff any time i had the option to talk about Gemzar. It is 10:10 pm May 9, 2023 and I am at Health One Medical Center Of Aurora.  Outcomes from May 2, 2 ..read more

​Waiting on a transfer from an ER  to a non-UC Healrh hospital for prophylactic antibiotics.  Trying to reject the mandatory bed alarms. While here in the ER the freezing flow from A/C has exacerbated my arthritis.   This is the oncologists fault! I asked for a lower dose to avoid ER visits because I know my body.   I can’t shake this upset, which is contributing to my sudden RA flare. I hate this.  I promise I am trying to find Jesus in this, he is there.  Why do doctors keep pushing me around?  I should have died in 2009. My vision is very blurry so please ..read more

I just now received results that my CA125 did go down slightly with Gemzar, so I have to find a way to keep taking it.  I don't even know what that will entail.  I can barely see what I am typing.  I will go to the ER if symptoms get worse but I did not deserve any of this. This is why I am upset.  I cannot work very easily while on Gemzar, obviously because my labs are in a poor state and the side effects have taken a huge toll on me with just one treatment.  My previous gynonc will never be held accountable, not will the radiology resident. I did NOT deserve to be pu ..read more