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In a bold, unexpected move that highlights the twisted and, frankly, fucked up nature of our current reality, Macklemore just put out some really good music.    Okay, yeah! We’re confused by this dramatic turn of events, but good for him!   The rapper who is famous for being really explicitly not gay on his song “Same Love” from 2012 just released a single yesterday entitled “Hind’s Hall,” in which he expresses vehement support for the Palestinian people and disgust with our leaders’ inaction, then calls on artists to use their platforms to speak out against genocide. Macklemore ..read more

In a story coming out of a 70-degree and sunny Brooklyn, NY, 28-year-old Mariah Holden has figured out exactly how to make the most of this beautiful day: bringing her work laptop outside.   “It always sucks when it’s nice out but you have to work,” Mariah told reporters. “If you’re like, ‘Ugh, I wish I could fully embrace this incredible weather!’ but you’re stuck inside at your nine-to-five, I’m here to tell you that you can! Just bring your work laptop outside.”   “Of course, you won’t get any work done because of the glare on your computer screen and the constant stimulation maki ..read more

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In a devastating story emerging from a local dive bar in Los Angeles, California, your current attempt to avoid eye contact with the man intently staring at you has been, unfortunately, misread as flirting.   “Immediately upon entering the bar, this lone dude would not stop staring at me,” you told reporters from the bar bathroom, where you had taken refuge, lest the man work up the confidence to approach. “Like, staring daggers. Not even a flirty stare. A scary stare. Unblinking.”   Eyewitnesses at the bar confirm the guy’s vibe was super off, and it was extremely clear to them that ..read more

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Mothers’ Day is right around the corner, however, if you’re reading this right now then it’s probably today — but don’t fret! Here are five wonderful gift ideas to give to your mom that all say, “I didn’t just realize that it’s Mothers’ Day— I’ve been preparing this for weeks!”   Bouquet of Flowers So, you woke up and saw several Mothers’ Day posts from your friends on your feed.  No worries! Simply go to nearly every grocery store within a five-mile radius from your apartment to find this one bouquet that wasn’t damaged by all of the other people rushing to buy flowers, and your mom ..read more

In a developing story out of Seattle, WA, 32-year-old Meredith Waterson has somehow stumbled her way into stable, long-term happiness despite spending her entire life in pursuit of instant gratification.   “Everyone kept telling me that if I kept choosing instant gratification instead of holding out for something that would provide more enduring satisfaction, I’d end up unfulfilled and unhappy in the long-run,” Meredith told reporters. “I guess they didn’t account for the fact that I’d choose instant gratification so consistently that it actually would translate to long-term satisfaction ..read more

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