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NewsThump Magazine

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NewsThump is one of the UK's fastest growing humour websites providing a daily satirical take on current affairs from around the globe, only without the facts.

Office psychopath organises Friday afternoon meeting on first warm weekend of the year

NewsThump Magazine

by Neil Tollfree

15h ago

It has emerged that a total psychopath has organised a meeting which you will be compelled to attend later today, despite it being Friday afternoon and the sun is out for the first time all year. The meeting is set to last an extraordinary two and a half hours and will begin at three o’clock ..read more

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Man who wrote ‘happy to discuss’ in email really hoping he doesn’t have to discuss

NewsThump Magazine

by Chris Ballard

15h ago

A man who signed off an email with the phrase ‘happy to discuss’ is reported to have been lying about that sentiment ..read more

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Rats attempting to flee sinking ship trampled underfoot by Tory MPs

NewsThump Magazine

by Andy Matthews

2d ago

Rats have today complained of Tory MPs ignoring the recognised order of things and trampling over them in order to flee their sinking ship ..read more

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Man pivots seamlessly from criticising trans rights as ‘a threat to women’s safety’ to defending Russell Brand as ‘no threat to women’s safety’

NewsThump Magazine

by Andy Matthews

2d ago

A man who spends many hours a week abusing people online in the name of 'women's safety' has today insisted there is a conspiracy against Russell Brand because he clearly represents no threat to the safety of women in his general vicinity ..read more

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King and Prince Harry unable to meet up due to hating each other

NewsThump Magazine

by Mark Molloy

2d ago

King Charles and Prince Harry will not be able to meet up during Harry’s visit to the UK, due to them fucking hating each other ..read more

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Man celebrates warming oceans because ‘it was too cold to swim when I was in Bognor’

NewsThump Magazine

by Andy Matthews

2d ago

50-year-old Basingstoke resident, Simon Williams is today celebrating the increasing temperatures of the world's oceans, insisting it will make British beach holidays much more fun ..read more

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Man already offended by imaginary criticism of him celebrating VE Day

NewsThump Magazine

by Neil Tollfree

3d ago

A man commemorating VE Day began the morning by being offended by a variety of imagined criticisms of his celebrations ..read more

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Grandad reminded “we just say ‘dark brown’ now”

NewsThump Magazine

by Lucas Wilde

3d ago

Grandad has embarrassed everyone in the local hardware store by asking for a particular shade of brown ..read more

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Couple in ‘extremely passionate relationship’ actually just hate each other

NewsThump Magazine

by Lucas Wilde

3d ago

A man and a woman with “firey” personalities are destroying themselves from the inside out ..read more

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Man decides it’s just easier to become climate change denier than waste his life washing out food containers

NewsThump Magazine

by Dan Sweryt

3d ago

A man has decided it’s easier to become a climate change denier than spend 90% of his free time scrubbing out the remnants of an M&S Broccoli Cheese or Waitrose Cannelloni in order to recycle them ..read more

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