Todd Boehly to appoint next Chelsea manager on a rolling 45-minute contract
NewsThump Magazine
by Spacey
5h ago
After Mauricio Pochettino left the club by mutual consent less than 12 months into the role, Chelsea have confirmed their new manager will be given a 45-minute rolling contract by the club's owner, Todd Boehly ..read more
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‘We will be slightly less shit than the Tories’ – Labour unveils latest election pledge
NewsThump Magazine
by Mark Molloy
10h ago
Labour has unveiled another ambitious election pledge today, with the aim to be just slightly less shit than the Tories should they be elected ..read more
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‘Full English’ legally defined as ‘at least TWO of everything’
NewsThump Magazine
by Lucas Wilde
10h ago
The government has finally passed a law that everyone can get behind ..read more
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What category of profile picture twat are you?
NewsThump Magazine
by JS Harding
10h ago
It would be childish and reductive to judge, label, and list reams of hostile opinions upon another human based solely on their social media profile pic. So here goes ..read more
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‘Enjoy this moment as no one can ever take it away from you’, Lance Armstrong tells Man City
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
1d ago
As Man City secured their fourth Premier League title in a row, Lance Armstrong has leapt to their defence to insist they should not let the 115 charges of financial doping affect their celebrations ..read more
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Man at other urinal clearly had asparagus for lunch
NewsThump Magazine
by Mark Molloy
4d ago
The man standing at urinal six at the other end of the bathroom had asparagus for lunch, it has been revealed.  ..read more
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To fix sewage pollution crisis we’ll need to raise executive bonuses by 50%, insist water companies
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
5d ago
Water companies have insisted they are making a serious effort to prevent sewage pollution by announcing a 50% rise in executive bonuses ..read more
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Ancestry test reveals woman distant descendent of Rylan Clark
NewsThump Magazine
by Neil Tollfree
5d ago
A Chelmsford woman was left stunned when an online ancestry test revealed the bombshell news that she was a very distant descendent of TV favourite Rylan Clark ..read more
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17-year-old stuns neighbours by leaving original exhaust on car
NewsThump Magazine
by Michael Simons
5d ago
Baz Bazson from Kingston upon Hull has left his neighbours stunned by leaving the original exhaust on his 2006 Renault Clio ..read more
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Fictional alien time travellers can’t be black, insist morons
NewsThump Magazine
by Andy Matthews
5d ago
Travelling through space and time in a police box requires white skin, according to several Internet morons today. As Ncuti Gatwa began his stint as the new Doctor, lots of angry idiots have spent way too long trying to find ways to say the Doctor shouldn’t be black, without saying the Doctor shouldn’t be black ..read more
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