Wife: “You boys should work on Christmas lists today.” Me: “Maybe I’ll make my list too…. Let’s see…. what do I want…. Love…. Respect…. Hugs-“ 12yo: “Dad. You won’t be getting any of those things from us ..read more

https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Famzn.to%2F3PBQdAB&t=ZjFlMzMyZGEzMmIzODYyMzdhMjZjMmU4YTM0NTE5OTdhYTYwOGVmMywyYThjZDc2Y2Q0YWE4MDJjZmY2YTkxYjM5NzFhMjk0ZDBlMjE2NjI1&ts=1688066542 Yet another misleading internet product. Squirrel feeder? I think not. THANKS FOR RUINING MY MOTHER’S DAY PRESENT, CHIPMUNK. Amazon.com : Woodlink 24717 Adirondack Squirrel Feeder, Red : Patio, Lawn & Garden ..read more

**Helping kids get their lunches together** Me: “Okay, here’s a wrap for you.” 11yo: “Yes! Let’s hear it! Will it be on the same level of one of Eminem’s orrrrr ..read more

“Why would I want to listen to all of Bach’s churros?!?” 11 year old, on day 3 of listening to the Bach Brandenburg Concertos numbers 1-6 ..read more

Me: “How was your first day back at school after Thanksgiving? Did you walk right up to the biggest bully in school and say ‘How was your turkey?!’” 12yo: Me: 12yo: Me: “Who is the biggest bully in school anyway?” 12yo: “You are.” Me: “Well, maybe if you weren’t such a DWEEBAZOID I wouldn’t have to bully you so much.” 12yo: “How was your turkey ..read more

10yo: “I need a hat.” Me: “Well, we’ll have to ask Uncle Wally to knit you one.” 10yo: “But does he have any black yarn? How can I maintain my tough-guy image with PEPPERMINT ..read more

My 10yo made me go with him into a mall store just so he could make a punny bathroom joke about the store’s name to the person working there. “Excuse me, do you have a bathroom? Because I have to go VERA BRADLEY.” The heart, it swells with pride ..read more

***Three boats full of Disney characters come by, 10yo ignores them*** ***Boat full of drummers comes by, 10yo waves*** 10yo: “You see, I wave at people who KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING - not just some crazy people sweating to death inside animal costumes ..read more

My 10yo just casually mentioned that the Tostitos logo contains two people dipping a chip into salsa. HOW HAVE I NEVER EVER NOTICED THIS ..read more

And how are you all doing on syrup, Denny’s? Need me to loan you some? You know, just until the 15th ..read more