An Open Letter To My Dog Who Won’t Stop Licking Himself
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
1y ago
Original photo by Sloane Hughes You’re a good boy but enough is enough Dear Remy, Let me start by saying that I love you, and it’s important you know this doesn’t change that. That being said, this has gone on for long enough and it’s time I addressed it. You gotta stop licking your dick and balls all the time, buddy. I think we can agree that for the most part the last year of me working from home has gone pretty smoothly, and I’m grateful! I am! Spending all day everyday together for over a year is a lot, and it’s not like you can just open the door and take yourself for a walk to get some s ..read more
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20 Signatures To Spice Up Your Emails
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
1y ago
Getty Images Give your email that extra oomph it needs During the pandemic millions of people have had to adjust to their jobs, schooling, childcare, and anything else that would regularly happen face-to-face being conducted pretty much entirely virtually. After over a year of living life under lockdowns, it’s to be expected that we’d all be feeling a little technology burnout. So to help reinvigorate your day-to-day, here are some alternative email sign-offs and signatures you might want to consider. Stoically while staring out at the sea, See you in Hell, Baby bye bye bye (bye bye bye), AAAA ..read more
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Sharks Are Apparently Walking On Land Now, Excuse Me But No Thanks
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
1y ago
Barcroft Media via Getty Images What the hell, you guys If there’s one thing that everyone can agree on, it’s that sharks are cool as shit. They’re fast as hell, they’ve got hundreds of bitchin’ razor sharp teeth (except you, whale shark, but you still rule), even their skin is made up of essentially microscopic teeth, and just like your dependable best friend from elementary school, they haven’t really changed over the hundreds of millions of years they’ve been around. Or so we thought! Apparently over the last few million years, at least nine shark species off the coast of Australia and New ..read more
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This Foster Chihuahua Hates Everyone And Everything And The Internet Is In Love
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
1y ago
Prancer is 13 lbs of concentrated rage and anxiety. You should adopt him Over the course of the pandemic many people have adopted or begun fostering pets, both because lots of folks found themselves with way more time on their hands in lockdown and because everybody has been clinging to literally any form of socialization and anything that provides the slightest bit of joy in this ceaseless nightmare. If you haven’t welcomed an animal companion into your life yet there is still time, and this might be the dog for you. So long as you’re not a man, or a child, or someone who lives with men or c ..read more
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Everyone Can Relax, Yoga Is Still Banned In Alabama, America Is Saved
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
1y ago
The LIFE Images Collection via G Stretching? In OUR good Christian neighborhoods?! Nuh-uh, buddy! It’s always good to see elected officials and civilians coming together to push for positive change, and focusing on issues that really matter. This is not one of those times! Earlier this week Alabama Rep. Jeremy Gray put forth Bill AL HB246, the purpose of this bill being to overturn a ban on yoga in public schools that has stood since in 1993. Let’s all take a deep breath in through the nose, out through the mouth, and then come to center to read that again. Yoga has been banned in Alabama publ ..read more
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The Ship Is Free, Why Am I So Sad
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
1y ago
Suez Canal Authority via AFP/Get Put it back.... put it BACK Last week the world was captivated by Ever Given, the cargo ship that became lodged in the Suez Canal, effectively halting 12% of the world’s trade for a full work week. This caused many people to say, “Hey, perhaps it’s not very good that a single waterway’s functionality can make or break a sizeable chunk of global trade.” But then a much more important revelation was made, which was that Ever Given’s final course before getting stuck in the canal drew a giant dick and ass in the Red Sea. Vessel Finder There was never an official c ..read more
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Texas Diner Owners Charge $50 Anytime They Have To Explain Why Masks Are Mandatory
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
2y ago
AS THEY SHOULD We all know that just because someone holds political office that doesn’t guarantee they’re the brightest bulb in the box, and occasionally there are moments that are just impossible not to laugh at. Like when Ben Carson, the goddamn Housing and Urban Development secretary, genuinely thought Congresswoman Katie Porter was asking him about Oreo cookies because he didn’t know what REO’s were, or when Utah Senator Mike Lee tried to argue against the Green New Deal with pictures of Aquaman. Unfortunately for everyone though, way more often than it is funny, having dim bulbs in offi ..read more
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All Hail Betty The Treefrog, Our New Easter Bunny
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
2y ago
Cadbury USA / Instagram SHE IS BEAUTY AND SHE IS GRACE You really do learn something new everyday, for example I had no idea until about thirty minutes ago that Cadbury puts on a contest each year to decide who will be the new Easter Bunny for their famous clucking bunny commercials. I figured they had a roster of A-list actor bunnies for that, but this method of selection, called the Cadbury Bunny Tryouts, is much more adorable. Apparently there’s a lot of competition to be dubbed the new Cadbury Bunny, which makes sense when you think about it, that is the highest rank any rabbit could aspir ..read more
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Trump Wax Figure Removed From Louis Tussaud’s Because People Won’t Stop Beating It Up
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
2y ago
This honestly does not feel like a loss regardless of your political views Well, this comes as sad news to Mr. Trump and extremely inconsequential news to everyone else, in fact it’s pretty generous to call this “news” at all but hey man, we’ve been in a pandemic for over a year now and it’s hard to find entertaining stuff to write about when everybody’s inside and literally nothing happens. It’s either this or making you all read in-depth reporting on the drama at the bird feeder outside. (Lesser goldfinches have recently moved in and the house finches who run this spot are being pretty huge ..read more
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Ryan Reynolds Finally Watched ‘Green Lantern’ And Live-Tweeted His Reactions
Funny or Die
by Sloane Hughes
2y ago
He’s a hero for even embarking on this journey If you ask anyone, “Hey, do you remember Green Lantern from 2011?” There are only two possible answers, “No,” or, “Ugh, unfortunately.” We’ve all got our own share of mistakes. For the entire cast of Cats (2020) it was Cats (2020), for Ryan Reynolds it was Green Lantern. In fact, the film was so profoundly bad and impacted so many people because of how bad it was that during the credits of Deadpool 2, Ryan Reynolds (as Deadpool) goes back in time to 2011 and shoots himself in the head so that the movie is never made. Apparently, Ryan Reynolds had ..read more
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