The Only Life You Could Save
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
2M ago
My client struggles to put a life together. A vice-president, 48 years old, he treats his existence like a balance sheet, or rather a series of potential balance sheets, because in the moment things are out of balance. He has a good job with hopes of advancement, yet no partner, lives in a cold city he doesn’t like a long way from family, nurses chronic health issues without even the dog he’s always wanted to keep him company. He thinks about change as a series of potential trade-offs. “If I look for a partner,” what happens if I do meet somebody but then decide to move to a warmer climate? I ..read more
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Thinking for Yourself
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
2M ago
Thinking for yourself means thinking independently — being conscious of old patterns and biases and working to overcome them as you make your own judgments. This process can be about identity, work, relationships — anything at all. And it’s important to consider because when our past conditioning is in charge it does much of our thinking for us, mechanically, unconsciously and sometimes absurdly. Thinking for yourself means standing back from the impulse to do things that mindlessly please others or mindlessly rebel against them; instead attempting to see between these poles what the right thi ..read more
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In Praise of Quiet Moments
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
3M ago
There was a time in my life when I traveled a great deal for my consulting work. Not every week, but every other I was on a jet someplace to work with client companies. The stress of the work was matched by the stress of a challenging home life, with two little kids and a marriage that was gradually disintegrating. (It was like what they say about bankruptcy — it happens little by little and then all at once.) In those days, now many years past, the only place where I felt genuinely at peace was on the plane — in transit. I resolved not to try to be like the other road warriors I saw around me ..read more
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Three Voices: Truth, Kindness and Destiny
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
3M ago
Over time, I’ve come to feel there are three internal voices that influence our larger choices. This is a metaphorical way of saying things — the voices I’m talking about are just patterns of thought and perception: Self-Truth: This voice provides ongoing assessment of the realities we must face — both the external and the internal ones. When impaired or not present, this voice can lead to self-deception and distortion. If there is “too much” self-truth we may be immobilized by its critical judgments that we misinterpret as truth. If “too little” we lose contact with reality. Self-Kindness: Th ..read more
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The Shadow of Psychological Safety
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
5M ago
It is probably inevitable that when a concept achieves broad acceptance that there will be debate over what it is and what it is not. Surveying LinkedIn and other social media sources, it’s apparent that the concept of psychological safety developed by Harvard Business School’s Amy Edmondson has both achieved this level of acceptance and also is subject now to the debate. It’s hard to miss the infographics that attempt to simplify a sophisticated concept and practice. Every strong concept does tend to bring up its Shadow. Recently, for example, a client said to me: “Well, it’s gotten to the po ..read more
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Running into Other People’s Unconscious
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
5M ago
In Marilyn Monroe’s last interview, titled “My Own Private View of Myself,” she explains what fame has meant to her. Conducted only a month or so before she died, her words are resonant with both strength and melancholy, offering a glimpse into her inner world. “…when you’re famous you kind of run into human nature in a raw kind of way. It stirs up envy, fame does. [Others] feel fame gives them some kind of privilege to walk up to you and say anything to you, you know, of any kind of nature–and it won’t hurt your feelings–like it’s happening to your clothing.” “You’re always running into peopl ..read more
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Growth Now
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
6M ago
By growth I mean a positive change in the effectiveness of a person in their leadership capacities. This is actually harder to pull off than it sounds like it might be. We are built with strong, stabilizing internal mechanisms that show up as behavioral patterns etched into our personalities. To change that stuff means something fairly dramatic has happened, a major emotional event, or we’ve just been working at it for a long time. For most of us, whose lives probably aren’t movie material, it’ll be the second option. Working with a recent client — who had received some tough feedback about h ..read more
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The Power of Mea Culpa
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
7M ago
As a coach who works with all kinds of leaders, it’s inevitable that a certain percentage don’t come voluntarily. That doesn’t mean they aren’t excited to work with me; it means somebody else has said they need to find someone to work with — in some cases with an implied “or else.” What I find in working with this group is not resistance to me or the process of coaching, but sometimes to their own turn toward self-reflection and self-leadership. It’s hard when you’ve been told you have a problem to accept that indeed you have a problem. The natural response is to explain away, avoid or block c ..read more
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The Nature of Negative Assumptions
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
9M ago
By negative assumptions, I mean beliefs that you or I might hold about others that label their character or motives in pejorative ways. Seeing another person as weak, for example, or fundamentally selfish are examples of negative assumptions. Such conclusions have a lot more power than we might expect. For one thing, negative assumptions about others can combine in a reciprocal way to form cycles of mistrust. These cycles embed tensions and distances among people into relationships in predictable and all too often devastating ways. Left unchecked, they erode and fracture our connections with o ..read more
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The Connection Between Thinking and Behavior
Unfolding Leadership
by Dan Oestreich
10M ago
It isn’t always so clear how our thinking drives our behavior. Some time ago I found myself working with a leadership client who I’ll give the fictitious name, Michael. I asked him during one of our conversations: “Michael, how do you feel about working with your colleague, Jeff?” “Oh, Jeff’s okay,” he said to me, but he’s like a lot of people here. They are just out for themselves.” “You think he’s mostly self-interested.” “Yes, if he thinks he can get me to do something for him, he’ll try to work an angle on me. That’s how he is, but to be fair that’s how most people are in this department ..read more
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