Recently, someone gave my husband a bag of Tootsie Roll Pops. I ate one today and suddenly, I was back in Sunday School. Funny how our minds and nervous systems work. I don't remember why Tootsie Roll Pops and Sunday School are connected, but my body does. With one taste of that candy and my memory escorted me back to Mrs. Harris* and her less than 5-foot-tall frame, legs swinging as she sat atop some large piece of furniture in the classroom. She died when I was about 10 and it's the first time I remember feeling grief ..read more

Parenting is such a wild ride—full of ups, downs, and everything in between. You’ve finally nailed the toddler and elementary years when, wham! You wake up one morning and now have a teenager in your home with those years full of their own challenges, developmental stages and complexities. When you’re also carrying the weight of your own childhood trauma, parenting can often feel like an even bigger challenge. But here’s the thing: your trauma is not your child’s trauma. In fact, showing our kids how we learn, grow, and tackle tough stuff can be one of the best lessons we can give them ..read more

Care Bears are part of my Religious Trauma story, so when I found this mug at an estate sale with and the quote, “Love is great for growing things,” it all made healing sense I should get it. Inside fundamentalist and control based religious environments, love is often mocked. “Those people just believe that LOVE fixes everything...that’s not true...you need Jesus combined with Holy living, to call out sin and to live by these specific Biblical principles ..read more

One would assume that the church would be a place of acceptance and love, grace and belonging, but instead, many enmeshed within a church culture find it a place, which feeds intense shame. Why is this ..read more

Hey there, friend. Can we talk about something that's been weighing on my heart lately? It's about how love sometimes gets twisted in Christian homes, turning into a tool for control instead of the beautiful, unconditional thing it's meant to be. You know that feeling when you're a kid, and your mom promises you can go to your best friend's house on Saturday? You're so excited, counting down the days. But then Saturday morning rolls around, and you forget to clean your room on Friday. Suddenly, that play date you've been looking forward to all week? It's gone. Poof. Just like that. "If you can ..read more

Let’s be honest, the Holidays can be demanding. There are so many expectations - dinners to make, parties to attend, attire to select, gifts to buy, family to see, pictures to take, lawns to decorate, cookies to bake and trees or tables to adorn. Add in the journey of faith deconstruction or religious trauma recovery and that “ho-ho-ho” might feel more like “woe-woe-woe.” I’ve been there. And frankly, still have my own struggles during the Holiday season. It’s easy to become jaded, isolated and Grinch-ish because the pain of your adverse religious experience and subsequent religious trauma is ..read more

When you’re married or in a committed relationship, one of the hardest parts about experiencing faith deconstruction or a Spiritual Identity Disruption TM, is the toll it takes on that valuable relationship. Realizing you had been handed a toxic, controlling or abusive version of faith is hard enough, but what comes next as you process everything can retraumatize, devastate and potentially shatter an already fractured sense of self. Struggle within relationships is one of the top things I see with clients and friends as they begin to dismantle unhealthy systems, thoughts and belief foundations ..read more

Christian singer/songwriter, Matthew West*, released a new song and video this week called, “Modest is Hottest.” Mr. West has over a million followers on Facebook alone and has topped the CCM charts. In the music video, which had over 180,000 views in two days, West is attempting to educate his two daughters as to why they should dress modestly. My social media has been full of praise for this “hilarious song with such a great message for girls today,” so I had to check it out for myself. I didn’t laugh once. Instead, I cringed. *Update - 6.24.21 - The Modest Is Hottest video was removed less ..read more

“Co-opting is taking vocabulary, experiences and thoughts from a person, culture or community and repurposing or using them for your own, often different, platform or for your own purposes.” — Rebekah The church is often seen as a sanctuary, a place of healing and support for those who seek spiritual guidance and community. However, a pattern and uncomfortable truth I have observed is that not only has the church become a place where great harm is done or covered up, the church is sometimes guilty of co-opting survivor language and experiences - the very survivors they created or silenced the ..read more

Did you grow up in a high-demand religion or a cult? Have you ever felt like an outsider to life and couldn’t put into words exactly why? If so, you are not alone and perhaps, what I explain in this article will resonate with you. One day as I was having a conversation about my childhood (and subsequent religious trauma recovery journey) with a dear friend of mine, Dr. Paulette Bethel, she suddenly said, “Rebekah, you’re a TCK!” This expression was new to me so I asked her to explain. My friend has done extensive work professionally with Third Culture Kids and even raised a handful of them her ..read more