This was originally written in writing group on Monday, October 2, 2023. Then I did a lot of editing and adding material since I hadn’t had time to finish. Today is Beltane, it seems an appropriate time to publish this. I was talking with some friends about our work and vocation, and one of them asked me if I taught folk dance and astronomy to prove that I was a good person, or intelligent.  I realized that the truth was my motivation was because I loved folk dance and astronomy, and loved sharing them with people who wanted to learn.  I have a degree in Astronomy, and was asked to t ..read more

From the Center for Action and Contemplation, the Daily Meditation for April 28, 2024. Written by Richard Rohr: Like Jesus, my spiritual father Francis of Assisi (1182–1226) was connected to the Source. He truly experienced radical participation in God’s very life. Such practical knowing of his value and true identity allowed Francis to let go of status, privilege, and wealth. Francis knew he was part of God’s plan, connected to creation and other beings, inherently in communion and in love. Francis taught his followers to own nothing so they would not be owned by their possessions.  Ri ..read more

I did the first draft of this back in October 2023.  Never finished it. Looking again at it, I see that it fits with my previous post about Vocation.  How amazing! From my journal for November 23, 1995 I wake to terror.  My husband said yesterday that we will owe the IRS over $100,000 for this year’s capital gains taxes, and that sets off a round of fear. I come up to my desk and find a note to myself:  “CLARIFYING: Does this belong to the social-political world? or to the path with heart?” and that reminds me that Neskaya is a path with heart.  And that starts a warm ..read more

I’ve been reading Parker Palmer: Let Your Life Speak.  In some ways it’s a continuation of what I did with Stephen Cope’s book.  Parker Palmer talks about vocation.  How do you know what your vocation is?  Not from ego, not to be important or famous or make a lot of money.  Something your have to listen for, a calling from the soul.   My book, The Feminine of History is Mystery, developed out of a dream class, taught by Charles Poncé.  He was a Jungian and looked at our dreams in terms of archetypes.  I began to see a polarity: Sun-Moon, Male-F ..read more

The combination of early trauma and the possibility of cancer has been totally disruptive. I have been having a very hard time sleeping.  At least three nights when I didn’t sleep at all, and most nights waking at 2 or 3 and not sleeping after that. I am exhausted and finding it very hard to function. This has been going on since the beginning of March. After another night of no sleep at all, I gave in and took some Melatonin two nights ago. I did manage to sleep most of the night. Last night I did the same thing, but was awake before 3:00. So I am barely functional. This morning the song ..read more

I’m having a really bad time this week. Last night I didn’t sleep at all. I’ve been sleeping very badly, but not sleeping at all is a disaster. Erica is away this week, so I don’t have her help. I’ve been alone too much, haven’t been able to find ways to be with people. I’m sure my early trauma has been triggered, and I’m also stressed out about the possibility of further cancer. I’m so tired I can’t think. I’ve been reading murder mysteries by Ellis Peters. Mocha is barking and I can’t stop her. Almost crying, I went into the bedroom and shut the door. She stopped barking so I came out. She d ..read more

Because of the upcoming solar eclipse next month there’s been a lot of interest.  Two friends sent me the link to Maria Popova’s Marginalian on Annie Dillard’s description of an eclipse.  Annie Dillard is one of my favorite authors, but this is one I had missed.  O my!  She even notices the metallic color of the grass!  She sees more than I did.  My experience of a solar eclipse is the combination of two eclipses.  The first one, July 20, 1963, crossed the state of Maine.  The zone of totality was on the far side of Penobscot Bay.  We parked the car ..read more

I’ve just been rereading a blog post containing a long passage from 1996. It comes from the journal volumes that I wrote but stopped typing in 1995, because I realized that the book I was putting together from journal entries, was in fact an effort to “prove that I deserved to live.” I was horrified to see that that was my motivation.  I contrast it with my motivation for building Neskaya, which had nothing to do with “justifying my life,” but which was to create a place where I could teach sacred dance, an activity of spiritual importance to me. It interests me to see that that fits with ..read more

Intense therapy session with Erica.  We did some parts work which I found very complex and confusing at the time, and I was upset when it ended.  But reading back over my notes, I was able to make a lot more sense out of it.  I’ve been feeling a lot better today, not so lost, more grounded, back to my “real” self. The important piece had to do with what IFS calls “polarization,” where two parts are pulling against each other.  The external circumstance was a dinner table conversation the night before.  At the table were two men I know somewhat as friends, and a woman i ..read more

Written in writing group, Monday, March 18 Well.  What’s going on?  I’ve been scared a lot this morning.  Mostly I’m worried about not being able to deal with complex arrangements around my surgery.  Not having to do with the surgery itself, but with the arrangements I have to make for Mocha.  I’ll need to find a place for her to stay during the day of my operation.  I wonder about asking Susan P.  There’s also the question of how to tell people how much food to give her.  Maybe I could do a breakfast that could be set out at the right time. O gosh I wis ..read more