Many of you are doubtless waiting for the next edition of The Foxhole, the new sex advice column from Bystander’s General Manager-cum1-lay2-sexologist Laura Fox. Be patient. Each column Laura writes is the hard-won fruit of a prolonged spelunking into the weirdest crannies of human behavior, and such cave-diving takes as long as it takes. And what happens when you spelunk in haste? People die. So let’s consider the waiting itself a form of participatory journalism, specifically into the question, “Are ‘blue balls’ real…in readers?” *** The last time you and I spoke, I was coming clean about th ..read more

YES, I AM ALIVE! Thanks to everyone who has written, texted, and even called, concerned over my e-silence. As always, I have been thinking furiously and, if anything, living louder than usual—I am a full 2688 miles away from my desk in Santa Monica, look at me ma, top of the world!—but I admit I have been recalcitrant in my Substackin’ duties, and I apologize. Do you want to hear about my YA novel set in Ancient Rome? I’m working on that again. I do not think you do, and perhaps this is a generational quirk. I have found that one of the gifts (?) of middle age is a general diminishment of Thi ..read more

News and notes to dominate your league…if that’s something you’re into. Read more ..read more

This week, I’ve been returning to the life and work of Bob Flanagan (1952-1996), the performance artist and masochist. Bob had cystic fibrosis, and was in a longterm D/s relationship, both of which come up in his work a LOT. I’m not going to link to said work because…it’s not for the faint of heart.  Bob gets mad respect for living openly and unapologetically in a way that most of us don’t have the balls to do. But he also earns it for the questions his work asked about masculinity, disability, and sex: What does it mean to be tough, to be a man? How does our childhood influence our sexua ..read more

We’re departing from our usual programming just for a moment—I’m in Chicago with my folks, not at my desk where all the jokes and cartoons live. (I bet you can guess why.) To celebrate my dad’s Sweet Sixteen x 4.375, I arranged this one-of-kind t-shirt, drawn by our wonderful John Cuneo. The mysterious-looking woman is my mother (and boyhood flying companion). The shirt is great and if any of you would like one of your very own, I’ll reach out to John and see if we can print up a few more. My dad is a wonderful fellow—his love of the Chicago Cubs is regrettable, but somehow this small flaw ..read more

A reader writes in to ask: “Mike, is it true you are an archduke???” The short answer is: yes, can you believe it? The longer answer—the “skinny” as it were—is a pretty entertaining family story, and I am in a generous mood, icing my knee and fairly dripping with noblesse oblige, so I’ll tell you what’s what. Occasionally in these posts I have mentioned my great-grandfather Tony. Tony—whose last name I am not going to share here—emigrated from a fishing village in Sicily called Cefalú around the turn of the last century. He settled in Baltimore, where he was a man of uncertain employment, ju ..read more

Note: Some of the links in this article are NSFW. Note #2: “The Boss is Away So Let the Fox Play” Sale is still happening, but it ends at 11:59pm EST tonight. Click the link to get maximum Bystandin’ at a discount, plus limited-time reprints of all our issues. Today, during a rambling early-morning phone call, a friend and I were debating whether The Legend of Rene Descartes’ Animatronic Daughter was fair game for a sex column.  My position? “Oui.”  I find it fascinating that the first modern philosopher–a man who was wary of passion and emotion, and emphasized the importance of a ra ..read more

I will NOT let this bit go so long as it makes one person laugh, even if that person is ME. MG is traveling, and I’ve been in charge since he hopped on his plane Wednesday. You think he’d know better by now. Sure, I’ve been doing some work. There are always customer service inquiries. I’ve been working on the store, that’s just every day. I’ve written the next installment of The Foxhole. Work, work, work… The American Bystander is a reader-supported publication that thrives on chaos. To receive new posts and support said chaos, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. —Fox Enough of th ..read more

TOM CHITTY is a cartoonist and illustrator living in Toronto. His Substack is ..read more

Some things I learned in The Greatest Night in Pop, Netflix’s new documentary about the making of “We Are the World”: Steve Perry was called in last minute to cover for Tom Waits who hopped the wrong freight train and wound up in Butte.  Philip Glass’s suggested line (“Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, ten, eleven, nine”) was revised with Lionel Richie’s help to “It’s true we’ll make a better day, just you and me.” Billy Joel started a fire in the A&M Studios bathroom. Kim Carnes to Kenny Rogers: “No, that’s Bonnie Tyler. I did ‘Bette Davis Eyes.’” Carnes to Warwick: “No, that’s Bon ..read more