By Punch Bowl Staff Quaker Days are upon us, and you know what that means.  As one of the oldest clubs at Penn, we’ve decided to exploit our elder members for their wisdom, and have laid it out here, for you, the next generation, to take forthwith into your bright future as a Quaker.  Below […] The post Fuck, I Am Old! appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more

Listen man, I’m only telling you this because you’re my good friend and I want the best for you: we all know that you’re wearing Margiela, that is not the issue; the problem is just that we do not care. We can all see the four stitches below the back of your neck loud and […] The post I promise nobody cares that you’re wearing Margiela (Or, to comfort an art bro) appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more

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PHILADELPHIA – The University of Pennsylvania’s sole remaining literary society–the Philomathean Society–is seeing record interest from Wharton students. From 2021 to 2023, the number of Wharton students applying to join the society grew 37% year-on-year, in 2024 this number shot up to 54%. Philo–typically home to people whose majors relegate their job prospects to reheating […] The post Wharton Students Excited by the Pre-Professional Opportunities of Literary Society appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more

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Here enclosed I putThirty haikus for your taste.Enjoy carefully. Friendsgiving’s no funWhen your friends are all veganTurkey, ham, meat, PLEASE No Christmas music!Don’t mention New Year’s; or I’llturn you into roast ham, swine. No wine for me, please.I’m an expecting mom: myFood baby’s due soon. Mom’s cooking has changed.Turkey’s burnt, gravy’s like mud.Damn you, Alzheimer’s! […] The post Thanksgiving Haikus 2023 appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more

To help you face of the environmental disaster polluting our dear Philadelphia waterways and the subsequent shortage of bottled water (which, by the way, has already poisoned your blood with microplastics), we handcrafted a list of effective ways to stay hydrated off of latex solution. Enhance the taste Find an alternative source Only if you’re […] The post Favorite ways to drink latex infested water appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more

I stare blankly out my window, entranced by the surreal beauty of the soft sunset pouring into my room as I gently pull the shutter closed. I feel around in my pocket, pushing aside sharp thumbtacks, clinking metal coins, and mini cucumbers to find the pocket watch my father gifted me some years ago. I […] The post The Misinterpretation of Dreams appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more

After living amongst the savages at a fraternity party for one hour and following the natural activities of the environment as a neutral and non-interruptive observer, I have set out to present a structured text that methodically describes the culture of the party ritual. Chapter 1: The demographic Participants in the fraternity-party culture can be […] The post Partakers of the Penn Fraternity: An ethnographic study of late-night partygoers appeared first on The Pennsylvania Punch Bowl ..read more