Coming November 4th to Amazon: Beneath the Ashes: Haikus on Narcissistic Abuse and Healing by Daniel Ryan Cotler. From best-selling author, poet, and renowned advocate for survivors of narcissistic abuse, Daniel Ryan Cotler brings a deeply personal and transformative collection of 215 haikus that explore the journey through narcissistic abuse and the profound process of healing. Cotler, a survivor of narcissistic abuse and a nine-time suicide attempt survivor, has dedicated his life to raising awareness about the devastating impact of narcissistic relationships and the possibility of ..read more

Narcissists are masters of emotional manipulation, and one of their most insidious tactics is deliberately engaging in behaviors that they know will hurt you. These behaviors aren't accidental or done out of ignorance; they are calculated actions designed to exert control and derive satisfaction from your distress. Ignoring Boundaries and Requests When you share your boundaries or express your dislikes to a narcissist, you expect that they will respect your feelings. However, for a narcissist, your vulnerability is not something to be respected—it's an opportunity. They see your requests ..read more

  For years, I was conditioned to stay quiet. Trained to keep the peace, I held my tongue to avoid conflict and discomfort. I had learned to smooth over situations, even when they crushed my spirit. I absorbed the false narrative that maintaining a calm exterior, no matter how turbulent the storm inside, was my duty. I became an expert at protecting everyone else’s peace at the expense of my own. But after enduring the most horrific narcissistic abuse and finally embarking on my healing journey, I made a decision: I would no longer protect my reputation, or anyone else's comfort. Inste ..read more

New Book Release: "Beneath the Ashes: Haikus on Narcissistic Abuse and Healing" by Daniel Ryan Cotler Available Exclusively on Amazon November 4, 2024 St. Louis, Mo — Daniel Ryan Cotler, best selling author, poet, and advocate for survivors of narcissistic abuse, is set to release his latest book, Beneath the Ashes: Haikus on Narcissistic Abuse and Healing, on November 4, 2024. This transformative collection of haikus delves into the profound emotional turmoil experienced by victims of narcissistic abuse while offering hope and pathways to healing. Drawing on his personal experiences and e ..read more

.Many people look at survivors and think we wear survival like a badge of honor, a symbol of strength or resilience. They assume we’ve "overcome" the abuse and are now somehow better for it. But the truth is, surviving narcissistic abuse is anything but glamorous. It’s not a victory lap. It’s not an empowering slogan. Surviving is painful. It's messy, relentless, and exhausting. It's an ongoing battle with no end in sight, and each day feels like you're just barely making it through to the next. Surviving means waking up every day to a fight that no one else can see. It means battling throu ..read more

The Weaponization of Mental Health: How Manipulative People Label Their Victims as "Crazy" In toxic relationships, whether romantic, familial, or professional, manipulative people like narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths often resort to a cruel tactic to maintain control over their victims: labeling them as "unstable" or "crazy." This is not a random insult, but a calculated strategy designed to isolate, discredit, and dehumanize the person they are trying to control.  By questioning their victim's mental health, these manipulators not only cast doubt on their target’s credibility ..read more

My Journey of Healing: Becoming an Expert in Narcissistic Personality Disorder I never set out to become an expert in narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), sociopathy, or psychopathy. But sometimes, life leads you down a path you never anticipated, and you find yourself learning lessons you never wanted to learn. This is my journey. It’s a journey that’s taken me through the darkest parts of the human psyche, where manipulation, abuse, and grooming thrive. And through that journey, I’ve emerged with a profound understanding of these disorders—not by choice, but by necessity. Over the ye ..read more

There’s an uncomfortable truth that we don’t talk about enough: men, especially gay men, can be victims of abuse too. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) runs rampant in the gay male community, but the stigma surrounding male abuse—whether it’s emotional, physical, or sexual—keeps so many of us silent. We’re told to be strong, to keep things private, or worse, that it’s somehow our fault. For a long time, I stayed quiet, ashamed of what I’d endured, thinking I wouldn’t be believed or understood. But silence only allows the abuse to thrive. I was in a relationship for eight months that ..read more

  When people learn about the abuse I endured, the response is often the same: "Well, the abuse made you stronger." I know this is meant as a compliment or an attempt to provide comfort, but it misses the mark entirely. The truth is, the abuse didn’t make me stronger; if anything, it tried to destroy me. The abuse I went through gave me deep scars that will never fully heal. It left me with Complex PTSD, which means I deal with nightmares, flashbacks, and constant hypervigilance. I’ve had moments where I couldn’t trust anyone, where the world felt like an unsafe place to exist in. It m ..read more

The Truth of Surviving Narcissistic Abuse: A Battle Every Day Surviving narcissistic abuse is not just about leaving the relationship or cutting ties with the abuser—it’s about fighting a war within yourself every single day. It’s about battling the endless waves of trauma, guilt, and self-blame while trying to rediscover who you are beneath the wreckage. For many survivors, including myself, survival means resisting the pull of hopelessness, the siren call of escape through suicide, and the overwhelming hurt that threatens to consume every part of your being. Living through narcissistic abu ..read more