I remember my first admission into a forensic unit after a psychotic break due to cannabis. There was nothing psychotic about it. All I did was set fire to my house with my mum and sister tied up in the cubbyhole after I’d battered them both because my pocket money was late. I wasn’t hallucinating or hearing voices. I was just peed off, irate and exasperated. Anyway, they picked me up from school and whisked me away down the back lanes. I was in there with bog ole scary murderers and everything. One night around chrimbo they plied us with bottles of Port to celebrate. All the patients, inclu ..read more

  I got called into an urgent meeting the other day. My key worker, Ste Illingworth, who I call The Illingworth, had a bone to pick with me. He said that me taking myself along to the pub for my customary two pints of beer between groups was a problem. Basically, he said it wasn’t fair on the still-suffering alcoholic. He suggested drinking after groups, if I had to drink at all. But they have ninety minute gaps between groups!  This comes during a week when my best friend (a still-suffering alcoholic), said that he wanted nothing to do with me if I carried on drinking. He said I wa ..read more

I’ve just been to church. Before I entered I prayed that my singing would be worthy for God’s ears. I tried my best. The sound of the congregation singing was sensational. Our God is a sensational God. I scored my pregabalin by the way. That’s why I’m floating instead of sitting down. The last few days have been nice off them. I’m cruising along with the alcohol as well. All is good. I’m 60% Rare. Rare is a mental state achieved by abstaining from coke, speed and porn for 28 Days. After 28 Days I feel clean and restored to sanity. It’s currently Day 17. I’m having no urges or cravings. And I ..read more

  Did I tell you about the time I saw aliens? They appeared outside my garden, lurking around the sparse bushes. I should start with Ruben. Ruben is the son of my good friend David Abraham. I know David from church. He laid hands on me with his family one time and got me saved. That puts my name in the Lamb’s Blood Book Of Life, or whatever it’s called. David’s wife had an affair on him with somebody else from the church and ruined what was otherwise a beautiful Christian family. They had prepossessing and comely portraits on the wall. They had the lot. David is okay now because he has f ..read more

Did I tell you about the time I punched a wolf? It appeared on top of me and bit me, waking me up from slumber. It was snarling at me as if I’d just burned its offspring alive in front of it; sheer animosity and hatred emanated from it. Its venomous hostility was hard to understand. As soon as I woke up properly I started punching it in the gob. My hand made contact with it. I then knew that it was real. The most difficult aspect of psychosis is defining what is real and what isn’t. It fled after a few digs to the mush. Battered. I fell back to sleep as if nothing had happened. But I recall i ..read more

Had a right old time on the ale come Monday night, with my younger brother, and his mate, Mike. Mike has this thing where there’s never enough beer and he makes late night excursions to always buy more than what is needed. He bought three bottles of brandy and two cases of beer. It turned into an all-nighter. By the morning we were pouring the brandy down the sink, it was just far too much, there’s still a case of beer left over, I’ve just had a tinny then before I come out. Now I’m just sat here typing after getting over the worst of it. It was payday last night but I didn’t use, I’m quit ..read more

I remember that once, as is per usual, I was in the grip of a potent psychosis. A rat the size of a dog had appeared from behind my washing machine and was lingering around the back of my sofa, but that was the least of my problems. The real problem was inside my head, as demons were fighting there, wanting a full-on war with my ego. They jeered me: Why won’t you fight us, is it because you’ll get battered? That was exactly it – I didn’t want to get battered by no demonic entity. Plus I’d been on drugs all night, and was experiencing an acute comedown…I had no mental clarity or energy left wh ..read more

My Stories Never End…And as I was saying, it was a hectic time before the Machete Man tapped his weapon against my window. I was masturbating at the time, watching pornographic actors who looked like members of my family banging a woman from a different planet who had the biggest knockers ever in the world. The man at my window spoke…he said that the content I was watching was illegal and that I deserved to get my head severed from my neck in return for it. I tried to delete all 18 videos one by one but I was too wasted off high-grade cocaine to think properly with the fear. I managed all but ..read more

Today I’d like to tell you about my flying lizard fantasy. It’s related to a very powerful woman named Bennie. When I first met her, I realised that I’d wrote about our meeting years ago, back in college. It was a story about lovers coming together in an art gallery. I met Bennie in an art gallery. It’s little premonitions like this that make me feel like a true apostle of the most mighty heavenly God. I fell in love at first sight. Our eyes held for a long moment, she looked so soft and meek, so Germanic and strong. I burned all my pornography the next day, down in the woods, and cried for 4 ..read more

Back again for a meaningless rant. I was going to start with a gratitude list. First up, I should be thankful for a roof over my head. My flat has rats in it, but mostly they don’t bother me. As long as they don’t crawl into bed with me, then I can cope with em’. They have done that on occasion in the past; one was on my back and I somersaulted in a lying-down position. I think I’ve got them under control now. But I have a bed to rest in; a tap to drink water from; an oven to cook cheese on toast in; cupboards to keep my food in; wardrobes to keep my fashionable clothes in; a DVD combo TV to ..read more