“I wasn’t surprised that my kid looked at inappropriate content online. I know it comes with the territory,” a parent recently confided. “What upset me more is that he lied about it.”  “This is always so tricky,” I sympathized. “We only see a little snapshot of what is going on. And it can be hard to talk about – for all of us!” She nodded, clearly still upset about how this had played out. “I periodically glance at the browsing history on his phone as we agreed on in advance. Last week I noticed a few concerning links. No one else had access to his phone that day so it’s clear he had spe ..read more

I can still remember the poster hanging in my fourth-grade classroom. Against the backdrop of a star-studded night sky, a comet blazed across the image accompanied by text that read, “You can be a star!”  As a child of the eighties, I grew up during the self-esteem movement. Posters, programs, and books consistently communicated, “‘If we say you are great, you will feel great about yourself.” While self-esteem is a household term today, the concept actually dates back to the 19th century. Renowned psychologist William James was the first to write about self-esteem in the late 1800s when h ..read more

“But who is going to help her?” Jacob asked. Jacob was a seven-year-old we had just met on the playground. He, along with several other kids including one of my own, had been playing the tag game “Sandman” on the play structure. Suddenly one of the kids tried to take a shortcut off the side of the ladder and fell to the ground. A worried Jacob watched as she got up quickly and ran towards the park building.   It was clear that Jacob was not convinced that she was okay.  “It makes sense that you are concerned!” I said to him. “That was a big fall. Should we go in and check to mak ..read more

Mark Zuckerberg turned toward a group of grieving parents this week and issued a public apology. “I’m sorry for everything you’ve been through,” he said. “No one should go through what you and your families have suffered.”  This latest admission at the Senate online child safety hearing was not the first time that Zuckerberg has tried weakly to make amends in the wake of some kind of incident or crisis. But for parents eager to see someone take responsibility for social media harms, it might have hit a little differently. The caregivers I talk with around the country are exhausted. They a ..read more

If you have ever spent any time with a preschooler, you know that their curious minds are always active. “Why is that squirrel eating a nut? Where do you think it lives? Why are there nuts on that tree? Where are the other squirrels? Why? Where? How come?” While charming, these endless questions can also get exasperating. At the end of a long day, “Because I said so!” is sometimes all we can muster in response. However, stepping away from the tedium of explaining a squirrel’s complex relationship with the forest, it’s helpful to remember that curiosity doesn’t just help us turn toward the tree ..read more

“I need you to get going!” I told my middle schooler. This reminder came at the end of instructions about what-to-do-next in the unstructured day ahead. My pre-teen, more engaged in a podcast than my game plan, didn’t budge. I considered increasing volume, providing more information, or adding in some exasperated sighs for emphasis. Before I could decide my middle schooler made it clear in both body language and words that my help was not needed.  Meanwhile my eight-year-old overhead my instructions and realized that a couple of them were relevant to him. Without even being asked, he was ..read more

“How are you feeling about going back to school?” I asked my youngest over breakfast. “I’m excited!” he responded quickly. I was grateful for the enthusiasm but realized that there might be more to the story.  Sure enough, the same child was on the verge of emotional collapse five minutes later. He was beside himself because his water bottle didn’t fit into his backpack.  That’s the thing about going back to school – a single feeling rarely captures the emotional complexity of the moment. Parents, educators, and students alike have all kinds of changing and conflicting emotions. Exci ..read more

“There is nothing to do,” my youngest kid wailed again. In case we hadn’t heard he increased his volume when he repeated the word nothing. Then he scanned our home as if it were a barren wasteland.  I glanced at him and within seconds could pick out any number of enjoyable activities he could try next. Admittedly, it might have been hard for him to generate ideas given that he was lying prone on the floor. Just seconds earlier, both the TV screen and his eyes had been bright as he created a new Minecraft structure. Now both the screen and my kids’ desire to do anything but Minecraft had g ..read more

“Wow, this is stunning,” my oldest said facetiously, staring into a wall of dense gray clouds. After a couple of hours of hiking in the dense forest, we had finally made it to the big, dramatic view.  Except that instead of a sweeping green vista, there were clouds. And we were inside them. “Isn’t it cool to be in a cloud?” I responded feebly. It was clear to anyone inside the cold, gray, pea soup that it wasn’t all that cool.  Without even acknowledging my attempt to re-frame the experience, my youngest asked loudly, “Can we go back now?”  “Back” was a six mile return hike to ..read more

“Here is what I know I don’t want,” a high school junior recently shared. “ A summer of scrolling. A little bit is fine – you know, to just relax and check out for a bit. But I don’t want to get lost there all summer.”  This young person’s reflection comes at just the right time for all of us. Summer is here and can be less structured. This means more time to play, hang out, and yes…to scroll.  Is scrolling always bad? While a few may ditch their devices and head into the woods this summer, most kids and adults will continue to use technology. With all the much-needed atte ..read more