I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist or other mental health professional, even though I’ve researched and worked in the area of mental health my entire professional career. I am a sociologist and youth development researcher. Varied youth development research demonstrates time and time again, four distinctive pillars for positive youth development. They are: A sense of belonging (teens have identified with a group and feel deeply connected and committed to it) A sense of power and influence (teens can exert choices and influence the world around them) A sense of competency (teens feel that t ..read more

Getting your teen back on track is key to their success, and the quality of your relationship will help them get there! One of the key things I learned is that parents and kids hold different positions in the social order. Seems obvious, right? But there are profound implications that lie deeper. There is a natural power differential or inequality in the parent-child relationship. The difference in social location can be a barrier to real connection, especially if our focus is controlling behavior and not relating heart to heart. I came to believe that every interaction counts towards creating ..read more

Getting your teen back on track is key to their success, and the quality of your relationship will help them get there! One of the key things I learned is that parents and kids hold different positions in the social order. Seems obvious, right? But there are profound implications that lie deeper. There is a natural power differential or inequality in the parent-child relationship. The difference in social location can be a barrier to real connection, especially if our focus is controlling behavior and not relating heart to heart. I came to believe that every interaction counts towards creat ..read more

Many adults on their own re-parenting and consciousness journey identify with some or part of these roles because their unique voices were not heard as children. Sometimes it’s helpful to look deeper in our family of origin to define tendencies that block us from becoming and expressing our authentic selves. Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse’s seminal work in Another Chance: Hope and Health for the Alcoholic Family identifies six survival roles the family adopts. Four roles are designated for the children. Depending on birth order and personality traits, they are: hero, scapegoat,&n ..read more

I am incredibly grateful that my family found recovery, but like many of you, I sought to break the generational cycle of alcoholism in my family. Many children of alcoholics and high stress families, say, “It will never happen to me. I even got a degree in substance abuse counseling in an effort to facilitate that for myself and others, but the disease of alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful, if not insidious. I am also a recovering alcoholic with nearly 22 years of sobriety now. I am grateful to report that the disease, trauma and subsequent recovery became the pathway to freedo ..read more

Here’s what I know as a substance abuse counselor, recovering alcoholic with 21 years of sobriety, sociologist, youth development researcher, parent and teen communication coach and mother of two awesome, powerful young adults who have navigated their way clear of generational alcoholism. According to research and the experiences of many conscious parents, here are the top three things that parents can do to help prevent teen substance abuse. 1. Connection Your heart-to-heart connection with your teen is the best protective factor against substance abuse. In other blog posts, I’ve shared ways ..read more

Don’t apologize for wanting to know what’s going on in your teenager’s life. We don’t suddenly stop caring about what they’re experiencing as they become more independent. Wanting to know who they’re talking to, what they’re thinking about, what their plans are — it’s all totally normal. Engaged parenting can even prevent risky behavior. I’ve found that if you listen more and talk less, you’ll be better received by your teen and better able to model authentic relating and problem solving. (Of course, there is a way to listen and talk that is most effective with teens and that’s part of wh ..read more

How did the teen summer camp, internship or family vacation go? If you and your teen had a great time, this blog post is NOT for you. This email targets those parents who are doing their best to facilitate positive experiences with their teens and co-create not only your relationship, but also the summer plan and things have not gone according to plan. (If you’re in another hemisphere and winter is upon you, think of those times you worked hard for your teen, and it didn’t go the way you planned.) Your teen hated the internship you called in favors to set up. Your teen complained about the me ..read more

I’ve encountered so many misconceptions about conscious parenting lately, especially what it means to consciously parent teens. Conscious parenting is NOT permissive parenting. Conscious parenting prioritizes the relationship with our child. To me, it means freeing myself up as much as I can to be fully present in as many interactions with my teen as I can. Realistically that means, I have a way to examine my triggers and regain centeredness to be able to relate to kids as cleanly as possible. But the truth is, I will be triggered! And so will you, my friend. That reality can even be framed po ..read more

I grew up in an alcoholic home. I am incredibly grateful that my family found recovery, but it was not until my adolescence and it came at a great price, my parents’ divorce. Adult Children of Alcoholics Battle Cry: It Will Never Happen To Me The battle cry of every child of an alcoholic is a firm commitment to not let it happen to us. We are passionate about doing better as parents and yet, 80% of us become alcoholics ourselves, marry an alcoholic or other compulsive personality, which includes choosing partners with mental health illness. I am a recovering alcoholic with 19 years of sobriety ..read more