Is Love in the Air?  It’s the month of Valentine’s Day.  Maybe love is in the air for your teen?  (And maybe not–both scenarios are totally normal for the age group.)  Whether your teen is managing a romantic relationship of their own or is a bystander to the relationship of one of their peers, it’s important for all teens to recognize the signs of an unhealthy relationship.   The Rollercoaster of Teen Romance The tendency for teens to feel emotions with great intensity, combined with teens’ being beginners at relationships, are also the same reasons that many fa ..read more

New year’s Eve Negotiations With New Year’s Eve on the horizon, it’s possible your teens will be making plans to celebrate with their peers. What if your teen asks to go to a party and you don’t know the host or the host’s family?  First of all, it’s totally up to you as to whether you want to say a flat out no or if you’re willing to consider your teen’s request. If it’s the latter, it’s absolutely reasonable to ask for the host’s first and last name, the host’s address, and contact information for the host’s parents.  Sometimes, just asking for this information will put the kibosh ..read more

My late mother was a sentimental soul…and a perfectionist. This combination made holidays like Thanksgiving particularly fraught in my household. In theory, my mom loved all the little traditions like place settings “just so” at the dinner table, turkey-shaped salt and pepper shakers, and pulling out the “good china” that required hand washing. I now understand that my mom attended to all these tiny details because she believed that, in doing so, her family members would feel loved and, in return, so would she.  Yeah–that’s a lot of pressure Invariably, something would go awry, especially ..read more

Halloween with teens is a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand, the holiday gives adolescents a chance to revel in the traditions of childhood. On the other, it can be a reminder of the middle ground that teens occupy between childhood and adulthood. And that middle ground can feel awkward. Why I personally hate halloween For me, as an adult, Halloween is my least favorite holiday.  I’ve always been a little wary of the dark–theives and bad guys and all.  I don’t enjoy the feeling of being spooked–probably because I spook easily.  I don’t like the taste of chocolate, and have nev ..read more

It’s been a rough few weeks in the Straub family. And I’m parenting in crisis mode. If you follow me on social media, you may have already heard about the humongous tree that fell through the roof of our home two weeks ago, leaving my family temporarily homeless.   And if you don’t follow me on social media, buckle up, because here comes the tree-zaster story.   (And on another note, if you’re not following me on FB or IG, why not? I give out lots of free tidbits over there.  You should check it out.  Seriously.) But in this blog–the tree…and the challenges o ..read more

Back to school time means a return to routines, structures, and academic pursuits.  And, for many families, this time of year also means a ramp up in extracurriculars, now often referred to as “co-curriculars” in many school settings.  Why “co” instead of “extra”?  Schools realize that these activities play a vital role in shaping your teens’ growth, helping them socialize, discover talents, try new interests, and, in today’s achievement-oriented culture, provide a much-needed balance to the rigors of academics.  And the key word in that last sentence is “balance”.  A ..read more

The Human Brain is Wired for Comparison We humans are wired to compare ourselves to others. Evolutionarily speaking, this tendency is adaptive. Eons ago, those who could size up tribal expectations and then adapt their performance to fit into the tribe’s norms were more likely to be accepted, and, by extension, taken care of. And–with the members of the tribe as their protectors, they were more likely to live long enough to pass their comparison-capable genes to the next generation.   Fast forward thousands of years, and our current day brains are now comparison superstars.  Whe ..read more

A couple weeks ago, I sent out  the link to the first video I’d made as part of my FREE summer parenting tips series. In case you didn’t get a chance to watch that,  I’ve got valuable insights to share from that clip that I hope will have you thinking, “Okay, yeah. This totally happens in my household, but I hadn’t really ever thought about it that way.” We dived into a framework that helps parents avoid one of the most common mistakes when motivating their teens and tweens. So, grab your favorite snack and let’s dig in! Your teen is struggling, but they aren’t doing anything to fix ..read more

I tend not to make a New Year’s resolution, in part because, as an educator, my “year” has started in August and ended in June for the past four decades. Thus, January is often more of a midpoint for me than it is a beginning.  That said, over the past couple weeks, I have had a little time on my hands for reflection (thank you winter break!), and I’ve decided to change my non-resolution-making ways.   With time comes the ability to reflect The week before Christmas, my husband and I went on a brief hiking trip, and I did not bring my laptop or any work to do–a huge accomplishme ..read more

WHY TO AVOID “WHY” QUESTIONS WITH YOUR TEEN When it comes to making requests and inquiries of their teens, parent language matters–a lot.  With my parent coaching clients, we do a lot of examining of the language, tone, and timing around parent-child interactions.  We seek to discover points of intervention where the parent’s behavior–including word choice–has the potential to positively impact the trajectory of a moment, and by extension, the parent-child relationship.   What follows is one tool I frequently suggest to parents of teens about question-asking, because the wa ..read more