Let’s face it. This country has changed and not for the better. Inflation, never-ending wars, global warming, and overall lack of decency. We all know… The post Our Next President Needs To Bring Back Family Values, By Which I Mean Korn’s Semi-Annual Family Values Tour appeared first on The Hard Times ..read more

SACRAMENTO, Calif.— Deftones frontman Chino Moreno was recently discovered belting out various moans and screams into an oscillating fan while working on one of his… The post Chino Moreno Caught Moaning Into Oscillating Fan Again appeared first on The Hard Times ..read more

INDIANAPOLIS — Nu metal superfan Travis Cornwall reportedly sat his son down to have the “Nookie Talk” after the teenager started asking about the “birdz… The post Nu Metal Dad Sits Teenage Son Down to Have the “Nookie Talk” appeared first on The Hard Times ..read more

Hand to god, this thing was a steal. At least I thought it was. 2001 Pontiac Aztek GT. 40k miles. One owner. Spotless Carfax report. A clean machine, my friends. Even had the original floor mats. And ran like a ferret when I test-drove her. But that’s also when things got weird. As I whipped around the 5 Below parking lot, the seller was super anxious, all shifty-eyed in the passenger seat and whatnot. When I reached for the stereo to play some tunes, he swatted my hand away like I was trying to get to second base. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but this dude couldn’t make the sale ..read more

Helmet is less of a band and more of an idea and really a solo act with supporting musicians. Paige Hamilton is the only constant in the band’s 35-year history and with his singular vision for precise syncopated rhythms is the one responsible for their unique sound. And while Helmet may have had a direct influence on giving the world the idiot-shiver-inducing sub-genre nu-metal they also influenced such post-hardcore heavy hitters as Snapcase, Cave In, and Refused as well as many others. Though taking the occasional multi-year hiatus here and there, Helmet has consistently churned out their ow ..read more

Let’s get this straight right off the bat: Nu Metal fucking rules. Also, it’s “Nu” and not “n” followed by the motley crue letter. And no, I’m not gonna type that weird ”u” either. Or even use capital letters. Because that shit is old metal. The metal we’re talking about today is “Nu.” Many people have music dedicated to certain moods or experiences. They may have a workout playlist or a rainy-day mix. For me, Nu Metal is the perfect soundtrack for when your normie parents provoke your righteous anger by doing something egregious like refusing to buy you a CD with a parental advisory sticker ..read more

APPLETON, Wisc. — Hot Topic co-workers, Brandy Graff and Dilan Hoffstedter, were “hella stoked” to welcome healthy twin boys conjoined by a single dreadlock, into their life, hospital representatives reported. “Watching my sons Phreak and Bizkit come into this world was like the nacho effect–ya know, where you grab one chip but then another is attached by melted cheese, except in this case it was two babies attached by a dreadlock,” Graff explained. “Being a new mom really changes you. Holding them for the first time made me think, ‘Ya know what, maybe I won’t let these bodies hit the floor ..read more

BIG FLATTS, N.Y. — 51-year-old nu-metal fan Ricky Clud recently expressed that Saliva’s early 2000s classic “Click Click Boom” was the secret to getting hyped up for his prostate exam, several crudely tattooed sources report. “Before I hit the big 5-0, I was quite the badass. I’d always rock out to Saliva before getting drunk at the bowling alley picking fights, getting drunk at the county fair each year and picking fights, or even going to weddings then getting drunk and picking fights,” Clud explained, adding he’s settled down in his old age. “Now I use that ‘Click Click Boom’ energy to get ..read more

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — DJ Crockroach of famed metal act Assfault Muffinz admitted that he spends most of his time on-stage at the band’s gigs listening to more sophisticated music, sources within the band’s crew reported. “Ever since noise canceling headphones got really good, I spend our gigs listening to free jazz and ‘70s prog, which is a huge improvement over our dogshit songs,” confessed Crockroach, who only hasn’t quit because the band sells out every venue due to either nostalgia or irony. “You can only hear my scratching in like two songs anyway, and everyone wants it to sound identical ..read more

Late 90s/early aughts hard rock bands that couldn’t get a good word written about ‘em via the elitist press at the time like Creed, Nickelback, Breaking Benjamin, and Take That are now bigger than ever thanks to TikTok, open minds/hearts, nostalgia, and a heavy dose of non-ironic irony. Limp Bizkit is without hesitation one of those bands as well, possibly the largest, and we decided to rank their six album catalog from worst to best below. Also, the band recently infected the mainstream media with a twenty-four date (get it?) 2024 Summer Tour announcement with host Riff Raff and openers Bones ..read more