We cut last week's episode short, so we needed another one to finish our conversation about expectations. In last week's episode we talked about the need to lower expectations if our kids are showing us with their behavior that they can't do the task. But what if your kid has done it in the past and now all of a sudden they are refusing or saying they can't do something anymore? There is still a function behind this behavior, and I choose to see this behavior as a CAN'T do as opposed to a WON'T do. This helps me view them in a more loving, compassionate way, as opposed to simply getting frust ..read more

This episode talks through the expectations we have for our kids, how to make sure they're realistic and look at them differently, through this new parenting lens. Can we differentiate our DESIRES for our kids from the EXPECTATIONS of our kids. Expectations feel like boundaries or rules, which can lead to the punishment, control, shame, or coercion we're trying to change in this type of parenting. If we truly believe that "bad" behavior is a lack of a skill, lack of connection, etc. and that all behavior makes sense, then it's impossible to truly expect "good" behavior all the time. It is ne ..read more

How do we treat our kids like full human people without treating them like adults and forcing them to grow up too quickly. Let's talk about it! Treating our kids like full people simply means that we welcome all of their humanness and don't try to minimize or talk them out of their experiences. It means that they deserve as much respect as any adult. There is not a topic that's off limits with my kids. There is a spectrum of the amount, intensity, and way information is shared. For hard topics:  Tell the truth Follow their lead Share what's developmentally appropriate Welcome follow up ..read more

This episode finishes our conversation about bias, inclusion, and how our brains are wired for sameness , making these changes hard. In order to start to change our unconscious beliefs, we first have to bring it into our conscious awareness so we can then override those that are unhealthy, dangerous, wrong, etc. We have to consciously choose to access the parts of our brains that challenge our biases and help us develop new pathways regarding people and situations that are "other."  Interactions with "others" gives opportunities to challenge our unconscious beliefs about them Our brai ..read more

This episode talks about what can sometimes be a taboo or hard topic: bias, diversity, and race. We utilize science to talk through how our brains are wired for sameness and build bias into our system, in order to protect us. For more information about this topic, check out this book, that we used to start our conversation. Understanding the science can help take the shame and judgment out of this topic, which can then make it easier to have productive conversations. Our brains are designed to identify and empathize more with people who look like us. Our conscious beliefs and what we would s ..read more

Guess who's back!!! We're slowly getting back into the swing of things with our first episode of the new year! This episode talks about several topics and situations we encountered over the last few weeks and different approaches and suggestions for dealing with them. Anxiety isn't something that we can simply overpower. It has to be managed and processed in a way that honors it, validates it, and teaches our kids ways to manage it on their own. Forcing kids to repair with their peers can teach them to ignore the fact that they were mistreated. This isn't the goal for parents, and we want ou ..read more

It's our last episode of 2023!! This one talks through various topics, including lying, managing big behaviors, and managing different opinions of family members. You can hear our episode on lying here and the episode when Lincoln had a hard interaction with his teacher here. Bottom line: Give people grace and approach behavior with curiosity. If you're looking for more information on parenting differences, that one can be found here. What are your non-negotiables? What is reasonable to expect from others? It's also important to remember the difference between boundaries and requests or d ..read more

Last week was all about learning what our attachment style is, now this episode takes about what to do about it. We have no control over how our attachment is developed. We do have control over how we adjust moving forward. Attachment healing can only happen within relationship. To change attachment the patterns first have to come into our awareness. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram ..read more

This episode talks about adult attachmen styles, which is important for us to learn, so we can understand how we relate to others, including our children. We need to normalize all attachment styles, while also understanding that we can work toward being secure. Our comfort level with and willingness to allow  closeness and intimacy determines our attachmen style in adulthood. Recognizing how our insecure attachment can be so easily passed down to our kids through our interactions, and deciding to try to do things differently even a little bit, is how generational cycles are broken and ..read more

This episode dives deeper into the relationship between parents and adult children.  What do those relationships look like now? What if parents aren't able to do what you need? How do you know if you're ready to have hard conversations? For adult children, true healing can only come when we stop being dependent on our parents for our validation, regulation, and wellbeing. If our parents weren't able to meet those needs in our childhood, it's unlikely they'll be able to do it differently when we're adults.  We're created to want connection with our attachment figures, even if that i ..read more