I’m constantly ahead, but always behind. That’s how it can feel. My mind is always steps ahead, because my family needs it to be. I’m sorting what I need to get for dinner tonight, the Christmas presents for kindergarten next week, all while I’m scheduling the kids’ dentist appointments for next month. Yet I am still behind with so many things. I have a washing pile in our end room that keeps getting bigger by the hour. I have more and more emails being marked as “unread”. I have a car that desperately needs a clean. And then there’s myself. Where do I even start? This is the season I’m in. I ..read more

How do you describe a love like this? You are meeting someone new, but you have always known them. You carry them into this life, and they carry parts of you every day that they walk this planet. You are in something so much bigger than yourself. This is a mother’s love. It’s love at first sight, Followed by a long glance at the ever evolving. It’s commitment for a lifetime, With effortless celebrations of your love in the quietness of your ordinary moments. It’s creating a home with someone, Knowing you will slowly move out. It’s different to the rest, this love. It’s a love story of two bein ..read more

Everyone else sees the magic as the children open their presents. I see the mother having spent weeks organising them and then hours late at night wrapping them. Everyone else sees the excited children playing with their family members. I see the mother holding her overstimulated and overtired babies when everyone else goes home. Everyone else sees the perfect family photos and the happy family posts. I see the mother who has given everything to keep it all on track, even when she’s felt like she’s going off the rails. I see you, mama. Magic master and memory maker. You are responsible for the ..read more

You’re a child. Your mother has recently had a baby. So you now have a new sibling. It feels like a big deal. And you have a lot of mixed feelings about life these days. ⠀ Your mother looks so happy. That makes you happy too. ⠀ She smiles when she holds her new baby. Just the way she does with you. ⠀ But she can’t hold you as much any more. That makes you sad sometimes. ⠀ Some days you want it to go back to how it used to be. When you were the baby of the family. ⠀ And you tell her this sometimes - When she’s with the baby, Which feels like always. ⠀ “Please be with me”. “I’m still here”. “I m ..read more

It’s not like it used to be. Hugs are not as frequent as they once were. I have to ask for them some days. Sometimes she doesn’t want me to pick her up when she’s with friends. I have to carry her to the car. I am not always the one she runs to first. And some nights I’m the last one she wants to put her to bed. She’s bigger now. Her needs have changed. They are ever-changing. She is growing up. Away. And into her independence. She’s blooming, like the beautiful flower I’ve been watering every day. And it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever loved to see. I want her to grow up. That’s the whole point ..read more

There are more children now, but part of it feels easier. I’ve been here before, twice. My eldest has been here before, once. And my middle child has never known a life without having to share me. The dynamics are different and new, yet not as foreign. But part of it is harder too. I am completely outnumbered. I haven’t grown another arm so someone is almost always waiting. When things go, they really go. The tantrums, the tears, the standards in our home. And then parts are easier and harder at the same time. My toddler and preschooler play, when I feed the baby. That makes it easier. But the ..read more

We meet sometimes Kids in tow At the corner cafe Or a park we know ⠀ It’s always loud Someone’s having a day And inevitably we’ll leave With much more to say ⠀ We text sometimes Or start a chat About how tired we are For this or that ⠀ But soon it ends Messages remain read Responses left Phone batteries dead ⠀ We think sometimes “I need to get out” “I wonder how’s she’s doing” “I’ll give her a shout” ⠀ But then we’re called That name we’ve caught “Mama, mum” So we end that thought ⠀ Because this is life As mothers and friends These are the days where Your availability depends ⠀ On nap times, a ..read more

Motherhood is beautifully weird. I feel like I’m drowning most days, yet I am floating on cloud nine generally. Those little people I get to raise are the best. Even on my worst days - the days where I am well and truly in the depths of being a human being asked to do superhuman things and it all gets a bit much - my love for them never waivers. Neither does theirs, although I don’t feel like I always deserve it. I had a bath the other night. It was meant to be relaxing. But all it ended up being was another opportunity to think about what I still have to do. I rushed out, trying to forget my ..read more

Dear husband, Let me write down what I often struggle to explain, when I am at home with our baby. I need a break sometimes. And like you, I want something for myself outside of parenting. But it’s not easy for me right now. I’m feeding our baby from my body. And comforting her from simply being there when I’m not. I can’t “just go” whenever I want to. Leaving her takes a lot of planning to get there and stress when I’m actually there. Because while I want a break - I’m desperate for a break - I don’t want to miss her. It’s complicated. Even though she is her own person, her reliance on me in ..read more

I can live without the sleep, although sometimes I feel like death. I can live without the quiet peaceful home, although sometimes I want just five minutes of it. I can live without the regular time for myself, although some days I complain about it. I can live without the tidy home, although sheer overwhelm often gets the better of me. I can live without finishing projects, although I often wonder what the point of starting anything is. And I can live without the personal space, although at times I need a break. But I can’t imagine having to live without the sound of their laughter as they pl ..read more