I met the strongwoman as she helped me rehab a broken elbow from a mountain biking accident in 2019 – then she introduced me to free weights and I was hooked. For me, Just two years before starting lifting weights I had been using a wheelchair for 5 years, I barely had the strength to stand – so when I was able to squat with a bar equal to my body weight I found it and continue to find it so empowering. It took a number of weeks for Shiv to casually mention to me that she competes in Strongwoman, ‘a bit’ – unassuming and humble as always – she is an athlete, an international athlete – she was ..read more

After almost two years of hearing how people, “can’t even imagine” my life and what it is to be a bereaved parent I’m finding myself in a position where people are imparting their knowledge or experience on me because they at some point had a child (who lived). I understand that this is a common experience amongst new parents. The problem is that we aren’t new parents. No one was available to offer advice in the newborn period after Lenny was born on the basics like how to organise a funeral for your child, attending post mortem results, how to feel like your life is remotely worth living – th ..read more

I’m so aware that there are people in this community who desperately want to be in my position but I also feel I owe it to those who have been PAL, are currently, or may be PAL in the future to be honest about this. In the past 18 months I’ve left two babies in a hospital mortuary, held two funerals, attended two post mortems, spoken at one funeral and contributed to an investigation. I’ve set up and run a charity, led the biggest research projects of my career, trained my postpartum body to be physically fitter and stronger than I’ve ever been and cycled the length of a mountainous country ..read more

It is 3rd July here in the UK – National Bereaved Parents Day and July is National Bereaved Parents Month. The idea of this day and month is to raise awareness that very sadly children die and leave behind grief stricken parents. This is to recognise parents bereaved through pregnancy, infant and child death at any age and through any cause.  We have been bereaved parents for just over 18 months now, we became bereaved parents just 27 minutes after we became parents for the first time and welcomed our son Lenny into the world. We have been twice bereaved parents for nearly a year as our s ..read more

The last Ethel update was back in October 2022. Wow, we have done a lot since: many more Ethel’s, we are up to 46/95, 48% complete. For those who don’t know the Ethel’s are 95 prominent peaks in the Peak District. We have also cycled the length of New Zealand, and are currently making a short documentary adventure film on baby loss, which is being edited as I type. We have gained charity status for Lenny’s Legacy, and have been working hard behind the scenes to develop the charity into an organisation which will hopefully support many bereaved parents. Mim has been working her socks off submit ..read more

To the dads on Father’s Day,  For the dads who have experienced infertility, or the loss of a baby or child at any gestation, age or in any circumstance, or a combination of the above. This is for you.  I am sorry that your fatherhood doesn’t look like it should and that today is not the celebration that it should be. I know that no matter how long it has been, no matter how many living children you have, and no matter the specific circumstances of your loss that today is likely to be a particularly hard day.  There are numerous versions of masculinity and what it means to be a ..read more

A job title I wouldn’t have known existed a year ago. It doesn’t even make sense. A job title that is in itself an oxymoron- death and birth in one job title. Birth and death coexisting together? Happening at the same time? I long for the days I thought that only happened in a bygone era. Of course it doesn’t make sense. Babies dying. Healthy, full term babies dying makes quite literally no sense. Yet it happens. On average 13 babies per day die shortly before, during or shortly after birth in the UK. 13 families per day experience this devastating, universe altering loss. Yet so many hospital ..read more

Over the last few months Ethel Walking has become an integral part of our lives. New walks often include an Ethel or two. We sometimes walk with friends, but always with our Lenny and Bhai. If we’ve not seen someone in a while, a meet up and Ethel walk is always a good thing to do. We have done quite a few recently and have almost ticked a third 29/95. But we are taking it steady and enjoying them as they come. We have ticked the most off in one day with Stu and Sophie, a few weeks back. (This was filmed and will be on here soon) – 5!, with a tasty pint or two half way around and a curry at th ..read more

We cycled from Auckland to Queenstown over two months, 2250Km via some amazing, beautiful locations, we made the route up as we went along based on recommendations from locals. We averaged 55km a day and elevation gain of 660m/day which overall means we Everested more than 3 times, this means cycling up Everest 3 times in total over the whole trip, total elevation gain- 27000m. For reference, our plane on the journey home was travelling at 12,000m altitude so we cycled twice as high as that in total. Simply put – it was not flat! We did this trip for a few reasons; We wanted to honour Lenny a ..read more

28th December 2022 little Bhai’s due date. Though to prevent risks of meconium aspiration I would likely have been induced 2 weeks earlier- around Lenny’s first birthday. Bittersweet. We knew his arrival wouldn’t make Lenny’s death easier or the grief easier but we also knew he would bring us so much joy. Pregnancy after loss was scary. Really scary. I’m no wimp I’ve done the world’s highest bungee and abseil, Europe’s highest skydive, some gnarly mountain biking at bike parks and my fair share of white water kayaking but this was a real white knuckler! On paper I was lower risk than most – I ..read more