A veil of sadness, loss of purpose and loss of self-worth have descended upon the world. This is causing a rise in severe depression resulting in suicide especially in young people. In the United States the chief cause of death in 10 to 14 year olds is suicide. This is shocking and alarming. Kids whose lives are barely started, are giving up on life. I noticed I had numerous readers from Singapore. I do not know any readers identity, but this program allows me to see the number of readers from different countries around the world. I was curious to learn why my blog would have so much appeal in ..read more

Whenever I watch a crime show on TV, I think of my son. I told him not to go see this young woman he had been dating. I felt his life was in danger. But, he did not listen and went. He was shot and killed. No one was ever charged due to her father's political influence, a corrupt county solicitor and corrupt medical examiner. So when I see these shows and the efforts some families have gone to for twenty to thirty years, I always question myself. I guess this one show seemed especially painful due to Christmas being here and having just been to the cemetery.  I told my husband how I was f ..read more

There is a unique terrible pain when children die  tragically without the parent being with them. This is what happened in Maui and Afghanistan. I was not with my son either when he was killed. It is very difficult thinking,"I was not there to protect my child. How did he/she die? Did he/she suffer much?What were his/her final moments like?  Did he/she she cry for me? Did he/she think of God? Was he/she gone in an instant and not suffer?"  On top of all of the above, we are aware of the incompetency, lack of accountability, lack of information, and finally the feelings that we a ..read more

Losing a child brings an overwhelming fatigue---exhaustion. Plus, inability to concentrate, memory problems and feelings of despair. All of which make our exhaustion worse. Every simple task is like climbing a mountain. Even getting enough energy to get out of bed or up from a chair seems impossible. How can we possibly move and break this spell of inertia. We know we should be doing at least the everyday things, but how?  Knowing and doing are two different things. Yet, we must venture out of our protective shells to interact with society again, pay bills, wash clothes, take a shower, ca ..read more

It takes courage for us as parents to go on with our lives after losing our children. What is courage?Courage is strength and fortitude. It takes faith and trust in God or your Higher Power to find courage during the most terrible times in our lives.  It takes courage and faith to realize that whatever trials or tragedies that brought about our children's deaths are now over. It takes prayer and faith to accept that are children are at peace. They are no longer suffering. They are safe. It takes courage to accept this. Of course, we would much rather have our children physically with us ..read more

On top of Mother's Day looming, lately, I have been having a hard time. Tomorrow will be three months since my back surgery. It seems I have been dealing with some serious kind of pain or another for the last three months. Mental and physical exhaustion and grief are not a good combination. A vicious circle most of us have experienced. Again I asked God, "Have I not suffered enough? "I keep picturing the images of Christ in the light and our meditation circle holding each other up. But, I still don't like this nagging feeling of wanting to give up. Not wanting to get out of bed or wanting to h ..read more

Loneliness is defined as feeling alone, miserable or isolated. These feelings take on a new dimension after losing a child. First, there is the permanence of losing our children. We know they are not coming back. Then all sorts of "never agains" can come flooding into our minds. One of my firsts was knowing I would never hear my son, Chris, play the guitar again. When he was home, he was always strumming on his guitar. Playing this or that. Asking me which chords sounded better. When he died, I could not listen to any music in the house for over a year. So many other familiar things were gone ..read more

 If you have lost a child, no matter the age or cause, I do not have to tell you just how hard life is. I had an experience a few nights ago. Recently I had a lumbar spinal fusion. I am supposed to avoid bending or twisting. Have you ever counted the number of things you drop in the course of one day? I was in my bedroom closet and struggling with something not going my way, when I broke down and had a little conversation with God. I asked Him. Pleaded with Him. "Have I not suffered enough? I have had it God. It is time to come home to You. I am done with life." I listed all my travails w ..read more

Yesterday, I witnessed the most despicable display of cowardice and meanness by United States government officials that I have ever seen. I have great empathy for the parents and families of any of the beloved children or loved  ones who were attacked, injured or killed in one of the United States' major cities. Parents and families were asked to testify before a congressional committee. Why? The local District Attorney is accused of misdirecting his efforts and resources in place of addressing crime and the deterrence of crime in his district. Violence statistics and little or no punishm ..read more

Here we are during Easter, Passover and Ramadan. Times which should be devoted to faith and peace. Yet, not only are we grieving the loss of our children, but we are seeing troubles worldwide. The war in Ukraine with unspeakable crimes, especially toward women and children. A once beautiful democratic country reduced to rubble. Tyrants in Russia. Plus China, Afghanistan and North Korea remain on the stage as bad actors. Always saber rattling about nuclear weapons.  And much division, unrest, hatred, crime and violence in the United States. Brought about by a political party in the White H ..read more