And learning to let them be instead. So I've been feeling a little bit melancholic today. Which is most probably the culmulation of being sick on and off for the last two weeks. And me being me (yes I'm human too), I hundred percent failed to practice the things I talk about here as well as with my therapy clients. And found myself really struggling with this feeling today. Not liking that it's there. Not liking the way it made me feel. Where if you sit down and think about it, it's such a funny thing to try and chase away your own feelings. Almost like an internal tug of war for control ..read more

And the real root cause of it all. Because how on earth would you ever learn to handle something you weren't allowed to have in the first place? There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You were just never taught how to feel, how to regulate. You and I, we were simply told to stop feeling altogether instead. And that was never meant to be the way. I can't tell you enough how often this question gets asked to me. If there's "something wrong" with me for feeling this way. Or if there's "something wrong" with me for not being able to STOP feeling that way. Nothing is wrong with you a ..read more

And this is why. To the soul out there who feels like you're a major letdown. Who feels like you've made the people around you suffer because of you. I get how horrible you feel. That you feel like such a disappointment. That you feel like such a burden too. That despite how hard you're trying each day, you still can't seem to "shake out of it". Passing all of those "bad" emotions to your loved ones around you against your will. And it sucks when the people you love get affected by you. It sucks to think that you're causing pain. It sucks especially when you also know... That that's the last t ..read more

On triggers and going deep into our feelings. And being okay again. Because frankly, if you are monster for getting triggered, then I am a monster too. A few days ago I got really really triggered. I felt an immense sense of loneliness and emptiness I used to feel, for what would seem like no good reason at all. But this feeling kinda tore at me. And made me feel all out of sorts. I wish I could tell you that this suffering was the end of it but it wasn't like that all. Because triggers are hard to go through alone and who was next to me when I was triggered? ... Unfortunately it was my dear w ..read more

Some musing on a distant past and how you can find yourself too. This is the story of the hardest journey I have ever been on. The journey of learning to reconnect with "myself" again. For the longest time in my life, I had no idea what having a sense of "self" was. Because what does it mean to be "myself" really? My sense of self in my growing up years was always fragile, ever changing and shifting. With certain friends, I was the fun and funny one. With others, I was quiet and sensitive one. With yet others, I was always the kind, considerate and giving one, willing to sacrifice myself so th ..read more

And also to the hurt. Sometimes people ask me, "Is it tiring to see people each and every day and listen to their problems?" Of course it is, there's alot of emotions going on most of the time. But while this work is tiring I'll have to admit it also thoroughly invigorates me. Above and beyond the emotions I have to witness and go through during our sessions. Why? Well, just yesterday I saw someone who went through too much trauma as a kid - emotional neglect, unloving and dismissive parents, so much so they felt so "small", worthless and utterly defective for the last 30 years of their lives ..read more

And why it's not your fault. Made this post for a past self of mine. For that youth who was always swayed to be who others wanted him to be. To feel like he always had to be that funny and nice guy. To feel like he always had to be interested in whatever else everyone was interested in. To feel like to say "no" would leave him ostracised, criticised and then perhaps abandoned. The youth who gave into the fear, but lost who he was in the process. And the same youth who spent many nights sleepless, wondering why he couldn't just be himself. To that youth, this inner child of mine, I want you to ..read more

A five-step guide for smooth-sailing. I put quotation marks between the word "healthy" because this isn't always the easiest thing to do. Even after being married for years, sometimes I'm still a mean monster to my wife too. Saying things like: "Why didn't YOU do this?" And saying: "YOU should've known this or that". Instead of using statements that start with "I", like: "I feel frustrated that it's 3pm and the dogs haven't been fed". And it's not very nice that sometimes I expect her to read my mind... When really what I could've done was to tell her what I needed and what I would like her to ..read more

It starts by "feeling". In any relationship conflict, there are hearts that are hurting. And a hurting heart doesn't get to heal when all we do is try to explain our own perspectives. And why we did what we did. But not take the time to hear how or why it hurt them. And our own hurting heart doesn't get to heal if we don't share how we feel either. And if our hurt isn't acknowledged or understood. So if you're going through a relationship conflict with someone you love right now... Take a pause with them please. Ask them how they feel. Or otherwise, ask them if you can share with then how you ..read more

May I share a little secret? I've been feeling more and more disillusioned by so-called mental health organisations in Singapore. And one of my biggest worries is that I'll end up like many of them. That my (or my social enterprise's) selling point becomes the claim that a minister or some random MP (Minister of Parliament) supports what we do. Even though, by experience, many of them don't have a clue or genuinely care about mental health is at all. That maybe my focus should be bringing in more "well-known" or reputable names in as well. Perhaps, doctor this and psychiatrist that. Even thoug ..read more