And why it's not your fault. Made this post for a past self of mine. For that youth who was always swayed to be who others wanted him to be. To feel like he always had to be that funny and nice guy. To feel like he always had to be interested in whatever else everyone was interested in. To feel like to say "no" would leave him ostracised, criticised and then perhaps abandoned. The youth who gave into the fear, but lost who he was in the process. And the same youth who spent many nights sleepless, wondering why he couldn't just be himself. To that youth, this inner child of mine, I want you to ..read more

A five-step guide for smooth-sailing. I put quotation marks between the word "healthy" because this isn't always the easiest thing to do. Even after being married for years, sometimes I'm still a mean monster to my wife too. Saying things like: "Why didn't YOU do this?" And saying: "YOU should've known this or that". Instead of using statements that start with "I", like: "I feel frustrated that it's 3pm and the dogs haven't been fed". And it's not very nice that sometimes I expect her to read my mind... When really what I could've done was to tell her what I needed and what I would like her to ..read more

It starts by "feeling". In any relationship conflict, there are hearts that are hurting. And a hurting heart doesn't get to heal when all we do is try to explain our own perspectives. And why we did what we did. But not take the time to hear how or why it hurt them. And our own hurting heart doesn't get to heal if we don't share how we feel either. And if our hurt isn't acknowledged or understood. So if you're going through a relationship conflict with someone you love right now... Take a pause with them please. Ask them how they feel. Or otherwise, ask them if you can share with then how you ..read more

May I share a little secret? I've been feeling more and more disillusioned by so-called mental health organisations in Singapore. And one of my biggest worries is that I'll end up like many of them. That my (or my social enterprise's) selling point becomes the claim that a minister or some random MP (Minister of Parliament) supports what we do. Even though, by experience, many of them don't have a clue or genuinely care about mental health is at all. That maybe my focus should be bringing in more "well-known" or reputable names in as well. Perhaps, doctor this and psychiatrist that. Even thoug ..read more

A short story on lies, betrayal, lack of accountability - but why it's still also my fault. So today I got really, really angry. The tipping point was actually a trivial thing - an air-con remote controller. Albeit an air-con remote controller where the batteries went suddenly missing. This was a controller that is used to turn on the air-conditioners for our counselling rooms, the same rooms where we see our counselling clients each and everyday - who we offer heavily subsidised therapy through our social enterprise iash.sg For those of you who know me, it's been my long time personal mission ..read more

Still bridging the gap in mental health and wellness care in Singapore. It's been 2 years since we started IASH.SG, and boy, look how far we've come. It really all started off with a handful of people who saw a big problem with the way mental health support could be accessed in Singapore. For one, we know that there's still stigma attached to seeking help - friends may not be supportive, seeking help might be thought of as "weak" etc. I'm glad to say that this perception has slowly been changing due to efforts of many mental initiatives and organisations through the recent years. And on our pa ..read more

And learning to be safe, no matter what. So I've always been someone who likes to "plan things out". Because I'm sure you feel this way too, but it always feels reassuring to know what will happen next. It makes me feel safe. It makes the near future seem less daunting. It makes me feel like I'm in control of things again. But sometimes, as much as I want to plan and plan, I still can't control how things will turn out. I can't control if it rains tomorrow. But I can make wet weather plans. I can't control if my wet weather plans turn out fine - my umbrella spoils, the place I'm going to is un ..read more

And always deserved. This is for all you childhood trauma survivors out there. Where perhaps like me.. Your childhood trauma is showing up as perfectionism or a fear of criticism. Perhaps as staggering anxiety. Perhaps you might feel this ongoing sense of defectiveness about yourself. A feeling that you can't seem to shake, since it's so deeply ingrained. Or perhaps like "K" to whom I'm dedicating this post too.. Perhaps you blame yourself for not being a "better" child at times. That at times, you were angry and resentful back then. That at others, you might have been unkind too. But it's led ..read more

Why it's okay to not be OKAY. Sometimes life just doesn't go the way we want it to go. And when that happens, it's okay to be sad. To be disappointed. To feel anguished, aggrieved, overwhelmed or exhausted. To even feel a little depressed too. I don't know where the expectation that you had to be "okay all the time" came from for you. Perhaps it was your upbringing, perhaps it's the people you grew up with or spent the most time with. Perhaps it was your parents or teachers, or the various social environments you spent time in. That somehow told you that if you're "not okay"... Then something ..read more

P.s. It's not that positive. Don't get me wrong - if this works for you, then great. That's awesome, keep going. You keep doing you please. But the problem is when people start to preach this as a way of life to others around them. That to me is downright toxic. Because I've seen this happen so many times before, in the organisational context and in the therapy context too. Leaders who encourage a stressed-out or unhappy employee to just keep up a "positive mindset". To keep their heads down and turn down the "negativity". Even when they have the right to be worried and even when they are beyo ..read more