Originally published at Medium on March 26 2020 My wedding ended early. Though Hasidic weddings generally stretched into the wee hours of the morning, my parents made sure all the wedding celebrations ended by midnight. “It’s the first time I’m late,” the wedding entertainer hired to preside over the mitzvah-tantz, the ritual dance at the very end of the wedding joked, as he began his routine, and the crowd chuckled, a little nervously. The music, too, was carefully chosen. “I don’t want music so loud that it will burst my eardrums,” my mother said when she spoke to the musician several weeks ..read more

Originally published at Medium on April 6, 2020 For twenty of the twenty-two years that I was married, I shaved my head. I hadn’t intended to shave off my hair. Unlike my stricter Hasidic female married relatives who shaved their heads when they got married, my mother always kept her hair covered with a short modest wig. At night, she wore a kerchief when I was young, and later when styles changed, a turban. I expected to do the same. I knew she did not shave her head because every now and then I would see little tufts of hair sticking out from under her wig or turban, in front of her ears and ..read more

Originally published at Medium on May 14 2020 “You have bipolar disorder and here is the medication you need to take.” It was a warm September morning in 2007 and I had been unexpectedly called in for an urgent appointment with Dr. Pence, a psychiatrist. I’d been a patient at the clinic for the past year and a half and this was the first time I’d been called in for an appointment. My appointments had always been pre-scheduled — weekly appointments with the therapist Leslie, and an appointment every few months with Dr. Pence, the psychiatrist. I squirmed on the hard plastic chair, its sharp edg ..read more

Originally published at Medium on June 11, 2020 April 21, 2014 It was thirteen days after I left my marital home in the middle of the night with my four youngest children and six days after I received temporary custody and a temporary Order of Protection from this very court. A chill hung over the glass-walled room with the small black sign “PROSECUTORS” pointing to it. My newly purchased open-backed heels dug into my ankles as my tiger patterned shirt hung loosely over my black mid-thigh length skirt. My attorney, a grey-haired sharply dressed middle aged man who was standing next to me had r ..read more

Originally published at Medium on March 11, 2019 For the last several days my social media feeds and email inbox has been full of inspiring memes and articles about inspirational women in tribute to International Women’s Day, which in case you don’t know, was on Friday, March 8th, 2019. In truth, my feeds are always filled with inspiration and motivation about strong women. I have purposely curated my feeds and online exposure to include only news, and information that inspires me to reach to greater heights, professionally, socially, emotionally and spiritually. This is the first year however ..read more

Originally published at Medium on March 19, 2019 As a child growing up in an Ultra-Orthodox Jewish home, my life was predictable. I knew which food I was allowed to eat and which clothing I was permitted to wear. From the time I was three, my skirts needed to cover my knees and my sleeves had to cover my elbows. When I was nine years old, my stockings had to cover my knees so nary a sliver of skin would show. I knew that that the Shabbat Queen would arrive every Friday night promptly at sunset. It meant that there would be a hustle and bustle of preparation for hours, but that once the sun wou ..read more

Originally published at Medium on March 25, 2019 “You are so stupid and careless”. I heard the voice shouting at me as I reached for the wrong spice, taking the paprika from the spice shelf instead of the black pepper. I turned around in shock and recoiled in horror, looking around me to find my attacker but there was no one there. I was all alone. It took only a split second to recognize that the harsh voice came from within. I clenched my chest, as I gasped in horror, sitting down to catch my breath for a few moments before quickly got up and continued cooking dinner, ensuring that the perfe ..read more

Over the last few weeks, I have been discussing the impact of harmful religions publicly, on my facebook page, my blog, and one on one with others. In this essay, I will clearly delineate what I mean by harmful religions. To be clear, I will not be discussing the validity of religions or the truth behind them (or not). I will solely be focusing on the characteristics of a religion which causes emotional, psychological, financial and personal harm to its adherents. These issues cross all religions and borders. Though you may find them to be more prevalent in some religions than others, wherever ..read more

Originally published at Medium on April 8, 2019 “Blessed are you, Lord, our God, ruler of the universe who has not created me a woman” I must have seen this prayer in my Siddur, prayer book thousands of times. I saw it first when I started saying the required Jewish prayers in my girls-only kindergarten. My teacher simply told us to skip out that prayer since it was reserved for the boys and men. For many years, I did not question this practice. I simply accepted it, just as I accepted the requirement to sit behind the wall with the women in our small synagoge and wear a long skirt at the tend ..read more

Originally published at Medium on April 15, 2019 It is five years to the day that I made the monumental decision to leave my marital home after twenty-two years of marriage. I didn’t think that I would be leaving for good; I thought it would just be for the upcoming holiday, Passover. But my mind knew, what my heart refused to accept, I was leaving for good. To outsiders it seemed to be a rash move. Which Jewish Orthodox woman leaves her marriage to a Rabbi? In reality however, it was a decision that was long in coming. For years, I had been grappling with staying in a marriage where I was slo ..read more