By Mia Lambert ..read more

By Charlie Splete You fell in love with their charitable hit “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”. Now, pop-rock amalgam Band Aid has a brand new song: “Are They Aware Of Our New Waterproof Seal?”. Bob Geldof and Co. have produced a heartwarming new tune about the wonders of advanced bandage technology and the immense medical influence of Johnson & Johnson. “We feel really strongly about this charity,” Geldof commented while in a portajohn at Live Aid, “all proceeds will go directly to the conglomerates at pharmaceutical corporations in need.” With the exception of speedo-clad former Police fro ..read more

Illustrated by Sam Adkins, Written with help from the Gargoyle staff ..read more

Written by Trey Norbey, Illustrated by Audie Hobson ..read more

1963-2024 Today we honor the life of America’s favorite Big Mistake: Clifford the Big Red Dog. On the morning of January 21st, 2024, Clifford stepped into the street and was struck by Roger the Bigger Red Car and was killed instantaneously. Clifford will be remembered by his owners, the neighborhood pups, and the living other members of Epstein’s list. We will all remember Clifford for his community involvement, such as his accidental use of the mayor as a squeaky toy, causing intermittent urine flooding of the city streets, and successfully establishing creationist theory in all public schoo ..read more

By Sam Adkins ..read more

By Madeline Lewis ..read more

Hiiiiiiiiiii this is my first fanfic so pls don’t leave mean commentsss!!!!!! It takes place between the first and second LOTR movies, I hope you enjoyyyyy!!!!!! After a long night with little rest, the two hobbits continued along their treacherous journey to Mount Doom. They’ve been walking for miles with no end in sight and were starting to fatigue. Sam could tell Frodo was still sore from their evening activities, and the burden of the Ring was certainly not alleviating his pain.  “I’m sorry about last night, I just can’t help myself around you, Mr. Frodo. If the Ring’s hurtin’ ya aga ..read more

Wyatt and Irma were not very rich; He sold scrap metal and she was a witch; They weren’t well off by any old means, And they’d’ve been better if it weren’t for the beans. The beans in question were def’nitely magic; Belonged to a giant whose death was most tragic. A giant stalk would serve the paupers no use– So said Wyatt, “Imma use’m buy cig’rets n’ shoes” Upon reaching the market Wyatt searched for a stall That wouldn’t, he hoped, demean him at all; Excited, he saw one and yelled crudely with glee, “Wut kin you gimme fer these fucken’ beans?” Came the response from the shopkeep in perfect r ..read more

Above art done by Sam Adkins Above art done by Annika Smits ..read more