PHILADELPHIA – The release of Dungeons & Dragons’ first collaborative set with LEGO got off to a rocky start this afternoon after a local man consulting the instruction booklet for his new purchase was immediately shamed by his fellow players for metagaming, sources report. “We’re all gathered around the table, ready to get to building like we do every week,” said Chris Daughtler, the resident tank of his local D&D group. “It’s a little different every session. But no matter what, there’s always this expectation of respect, you know? When Miles took out that instruction booklet and st ..read more

QUINCY, MA — New homeowner, Jessica Weiss, shocked guests with her desperate insistence that guests join in a party game. “I’ve thrown plenty of parties back in college, but this is my real adult gathering. I wanted it to be fun and classy. I made the perfect playlist, got a nice selection of hard seltzers, and a charcuterie platter from Market Basket. I just needed a sophisticated social game. I researched, watched playthroughs on YouTube, and even went down to the Knight Moves board game cafe to get some expert advice on the best games for a mixed group to socialize and landed on Salem 1692 ..read more

YOUR LIVING ROOM – In a stunning display of poor judgment the least charismatic member of your D&D group has inexplicably chosen to play a Bard, sources confirmed yesterday. According to reports the campaign, which once held the promise of epic adventures and collaborative storytelling, has been steadily deteriorating since the fateful day when you extended an invitation to your coworker, whose sole qualification was having read The Chronicles of Narnia as a child. “I thought he’d fit in,” said the group’s Forever DM, who now regrets ever agreeing to host this unkillable burden of a game ..read more

ESPORTS ARENA – Officials from the International Chess Federation FIDE along with Chess.com executives announced today a new, bustier Rook with a cute little pink bow, which women should just gobble up like crazy. “We were devastated to hear women are less likely to pursue the rigorous game of chess and to work right away,” said the President of Chess, John Bishop, while avoiding eye contact with the woman interviewer the entire time. “So today we are unveiling exciting new Girl Power initiatives across the board, including Cookie the Rookie, the Rook’s quirky, cute lady friend.” Chess.com’s ..read more

CAIRO – A thorough analysis of the past and present state of the Yu-Gi-Oh meta this weekend revealed the game’s legendary Egyptian God cards were noticeably absent from the competitive scene, an omission that could be chalked up to them probably being too powerful, assumed the Egyptian Gods. “I have known power, and with time I shall know it again,” said Obelisk the Tormentor, voice booming with arcane thunder and wings beating the air into a furious maelstrom of a thousand last breaths. “When it comes to the world’s third most popular children’s card game, only the cruelest, mightiest monste ..read more

A BASEMENT — A local Dungeons & Dragons player reportedly has spent several hours isolated in their basement focused on picking out the correct dice to match their new character, which was made in 25 minutes as a joke. “Look I understand some may say I’m overthinking this, but all I’m doing is making sure I can enjoy this game as much as possible,” said Timothy Gaines, longtime D&D player. ”Just because my character ‘Sbeve’ was largely made from hitting randomize on D&D Beyond doesn’t mean I shouldn’t put some thought into how I play him. Besides, I’ve spent so much money on dice ..read more

CHICAGO – Friends of Chicago gamer Brandon Proski, avid collector of horny video game and anime statues, have staged an intervention following his latest purchase of a statue depicting Street Fighter’s Chun Li mid-squat. “I was on my way back from meeting my dealer, mentally rearranging my display shelf to make room for Chun Li, when I noticed all of my friends’ cars outside my building,” Proski said. “I didn’t think I had a problem. I guess they saw it differently.” Amanda Smith, Proski’s ex-girlfriend, says the collection began while they were together and was the catalyst for the dissoluti ..read more

If your first time playing Yu-Gi-Oh was at a local card shop surrounded by twitchy pro players and the sweet fumes of so much cardboard, turn back now. This list is not for you. This list is for those who sit, right now, in the grass, mulch, and dirt, on the steps of plastic slides and at scalding hot steel picnic tables, cards in hand, blissfully ignoring the basic rules and strategies of Yu-Gi-Oh. That’s right, I’m talking about the playground meta. In the same way a newly hatched turtle knows instinctively to crawl toward the ocean, nascent Yu-Gi-Oh players are compelled to gather their pr ..read more

Fantasy worlds wouldn’t be complete without distinct non-player characters — all possessing their own unique backstory, personality and related accents. It adds essential flavor to any RPG adventure. Unfortunately, your well-meaning but talentless Dungeon Master Nick literally can’t do anything except his own standard Northeastern American. That, however, hasn’t stopped him trying. And trying. And trying. 1. Posh British Noblemen in your DM’s universe are supposed to possess the perfect BBC-anchor-pronunciation of King Charles, but in Nick’s mouth end up sounding like that one cousin of your ..read more

Well well well, aren’t you a curious one? Today we journey into the forgotten realms with a different sort of goal than slaying a dragon or exploring a dungeon – well maybe a certain kind of dungeon if you know what I mean? Today we determine which level 1 spells are the most titillating. Now before we begin let me answer a few questions you might have: Why not start with cantrips? Well that’s because the sexiest cantrip is obviously Sword Burst, and Vicious Mockery is not far behind if that’s what you’re into. Also there’s just more to sink our teeth into in level 1. Why only 50 spells? Bec ..read more