Lately I have been feeling incredibly grateful for the life I have created. That does not mean bad things do not happen. They still do. I have just been reacting less to them when they happen. My husband has been curious about why - having always known me as someone who can tend to be on alert for changes. Why am I suddenly so much more go with the flow? Life happens, it always has, it always will, it will never stop things from happening. No matter how much I plan, prepare, catastrophize, overthink. Overall, I am just really grateful for what I have. And that has outweighed the anxiety about ..read more

If you’re reading this, you might have a tendency to avoid something. Maybe it is a chore you need to do. Maybe it is a person you do not care to speak to. Maybe it is a topic you feel uncomfortable with. Maybe it’s therapy. My long-term clients know this topic well. And they know it is one of my favorites to talk about: Avoidance. Both powerful to do and actually quite controlling in itself. I totally understand. It is easy and intriguing to avoid. In your mind, avoidance probably protects your feelings. It probably makes you feel safer. It keeps you from having to deal with difficult people ..read more

Has anyone noticed the most common form of expression (other than happiness/joy) in society is anger? -Running late for work: angry -Argument with spouse/friend: angry -Wrong order at a restaurant: angry -Feeling misunderstood by a parent: angry Some people pose the question, “Why is everyone so angry all of the time?” Well…people are not actually angry all of the time. People are actually a million different feelings. And… Anger is the one feeling people are the most comfortable sharing outwardly. It is one of the feelings that people are the most accepting of experiencing outwardly. There is ..read more

Recently, whenever I am asked “how’s life?" I tend to respond with one word: chaotic. I follow it up with…”and good!” I have a feeling a lot of people can confirm that life is pretty chaotic for them as well. It’s hard sometimes to remember that we are not the only ones. Life is chaotic for everyone, in different ways: busy kids, hectic work, extra curriculars, family health concerns, transition in life, juggling variety of responsibilities, etc. Life can also be good! for everyone in different ways: healthy family, more free time, catching up on reading, starting a new class, new exercise reg ..read more

Judgement free zone of the term “waiting.” I have been a fan of waiting to do a lot of things: -Once my kids get over being sick, I will start back at the gym. -Once my schedule gets more flexible, I will start setting up my self-care appointments. -Once life gets less busy, I will start cooking more/getting more protein & veggie intake. -Once the holidays are over, I will ask my parent about their health. But here’s the catch: there’s always going to be something. Look, the term “avoidance” doesn’t sound great, and…that is probably what’s going on. Taking that next step to be vulnerable ..read more

Just the other day, I had a conversation with an 11-year-old who is very close to my heart. She mentioned she doesn’t like silence. I hear that often. It bums me out. I asked further exploratory questions. Me: “Hm. Why do you think you don’t like silence?” Her: *shrugs* “I don’t know, it makes me anxious.” Me: “Do you think that’s something you could explore someday? Maybe start to exercise times where you have silence? Doesn’t have to be long.” Her: “Hm, I don’t know.” Let me explain why that bums me out. First, I know, a lot of people don’t like silence. For various reasons. -Maybe it makes ..read more

I recently decided all social media is a no-go. It’s one of those things…I thought about it for a while, cut out each little by little, took a long break to reflect, and realized the changes were wonderful. We have mixed reviews over social media all across the board. -”But it helps me connect with people!” Totally true.-”But I learn so much more about other things from it!” Also totally true.-”And I spend way too much time on it.” Absolutely the case. -”And I feel worse when I close it out, compared to when I clicked to open it.” Yep. You can totally love certain aspects of social media. That ..read more

If you’re a client of mine, you’ve heard me say this a variety of times. First and foremost, probably the very first session we met. “Don’t Should on yourself. It’s disgusting.” For those who are less familiar with the in-depth work I do with my clients, let me explain. Should is a pressure word. Just as must, need, and ought are pressure words as well. Should makes us feel like we have already failed, or will fail if we don’t follow. Should is an Unhelpful Thinking Style. Also known as a Negative Cognition. So, as you can see, “shoulding” on ourselves is unhelpful, unhealthy, and overall just ..read more

Often times, I hear my adult clients report their birthday as “any other day.” I don’t know when we “got used” to dismissing our birthdays, but at some point this happened. Whether you “got used” to other people dismissing your day, felt uncomfortable celebrating yourself, or didn’t have people to celebrate it with you, you might find yourself thinking your birthday is “any other day” like some of my clients do. So, if this is you, I am going to challenge you. Celebrate yourself. Even if no one else does. Celebrate yourself. Even if you have children. Celebrate yourself. Even if you don’t hav ..read more

How long has it been since you thought about how you are really doing? - Think about that for a few seconds longer. - Now inhale. - Recognize what you’re feeling after reflecting. It might not feel great. Or maybe it does feel great. Or maybe you have no freaking idea. Stay with me. How long do you think you have been coasting? When I say coasting, it could mean a few different things: -Busy beyond belief, zero time to stop and reflect. Simply exhausted when downtime hits. -I have downtime, but I am really not at all connected to myself. Staying super distracted or maybe sleeping more than I ..read more