Episode 135 - Developing Differentiation with Gina - Client Spotlight Differentiation is the ability to hold onto who we are in an authentic way when we are staying in connection with other people and doing that in an emotionally and mentally mature way.  My client, Gina, has been working on developing the skill of Differentiation, and has made so much progress, I want to highlight her and let her share her experience and some of her journey. Gina shares why she decided she wanted to work on this particular skill, some of the difficulties she went through, and what was especially helpful ..read more

Episode 134 - How to Not Take Your Hard Week Out on Your Family Have you had a hard week? Do you feel depleted and have nothing left to give? Has your brain and/or body shut down because you just can’t do any more than you’re already doing? If this is you, listen to this episode for five things you can do right now to begin taking care of yourself.  You don’t need to take an expensive vacation, go shopping, or get a massage (unless you really want to!). What you really need when it’s been a hard week, is to do a different type of self-care. This is the kind you can do to take care of your ..read more

Episode 133 – Is it Conflict or Contention? Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but contention is not. What do you do when you find yourself in conflict with a member of your family? The way you view them and you will determine if you’re escalating into contention. In this episode, I review the Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Each of these horseman are red flags that you’re relationship is heading (or already is) in a contentious state  Tina Gosney is a certified life and relationship coach. She helps her clients strengthen themselves so they can survive and th ..read more

Episode 132 – Defensiveness The seventh Losing Strategy is being defensive. When we get defensive, we are going to war with the other person. We put on our armor and we gather our weapons. Defensiveness comes from our inability or our refusal to take a look at ourselves and self-confront. It is also one of the 4 horsemen the Gottman’s have identified as red flags in a relationship.   If you want to begin learning some winning relationship strategies, register for my upcoming class: Healthy Relationships from the Inside Out March 21, 11:00am MDT CLICK HERE TO REGISTER   If you don’t w ..read more

Episode 131 – Resentful or Costly Accommodation The sixth Losing Strategy is Resentful or Costly Accommodation. This happens when we collapse who we are into what we think other people want us to be. We deny our own needs and desires, and we give up or refuse to look at what is important to us. Resentment can easily set in when we give us so much of ourselves and deny our own needs.    If you want to begin learning some winning relationship strategies, register for my upcoming class: Healthy Relationships from the Inside Out March 21, 11:00am MDT CLICK HERE TO REGISTER   If you ..read more

Episode 130 - Withdrawing from a Relationship The fifth Losing Relationship Strategy in this series is – Withdrawal. When we withdraw from a relationship, we are disinvesting in it. When we are criticizing and fighting, we are still invested in the relationship. Withdrawal is a sign that we’ve given up and are no longer giving our energy to the relationship.  Here’s a question you can ask yourself: Have I ever withdrawn from a relationship? How did I get to the point of withdrawing?   If you want to begin learning some winning relationship strategies, register for my upcoming class ..read more

Episode 129 - Punishment and Retaliation – Losing Strategy #4 The fourth losing relationship strategy is Punishment and retaliation. This can show up in covert and overt ways, but at its core, we turn ourselves into a victim of the other person and we are then feeling justified in withholding approval and affection, or even punishing in a physically harmful way.  We are designed for human connection, and we are designed to want our independence and agency. The problem is we don’t know how to get both of those things at the same time. We either give up our independence or we cut ourselves ..read more

Episode 127 - The Sneaky Ways You Are Trying to Control Other People Part 2 of Losing Relationship Strategies is all about how we try to control the way other people think of us, the way we try to control what other people do, and how we are trying to control situations in our lives because we can’t handle our own anxieties about things not going the way we want them to.    If you want to begin learning some winning relationship strategies, register for my upcoming class: Healthy Relationships from the Inside Out March 21, 11:00am MDT CLICK HERE TO REGISTER   If you don’t want t ..read more

126 - Needing to be Right Our brains have a natural need to be right, and that comes from the way we take in our experiences and make meaning of them. We each have a different way of taking in experiences and how we make meaning of them, and that works directly against forming strong relationship connections with others when we fight for our view of the world and refuse to see an alternative view.  Needing to be right and fighting for that right is one of the losing relationship strategies I’ll be covering the next few weeks. This is part 1 of a 7-part series on Losing Relationship Strate ..read more

Episode 125 Finding the Progress in Your Life This is part 4 in a 4-part series on setting relationship goals. You can accomplish less than you think you’re supposed to in the short-term and much more than you think you can in the long-term. Relationships are not sprints; they are marathons. Let time work on your side but show yourself how you are progressing along the way. This episode will show you how to do that.    Want some help with what you’re learning in this 4-part series? Download: The Step-by-Step Guide to Setting a Relationship Goal I’ll walk you through each of the steps ..read more