Jennifer Marberger Brothers  Jennifer Marberger Brothers eased into immortality on January 6, 2024, after 60 years of love, compassion, and grace. Born in Chicago, IL on the first of April 1963, she was nobody’s fool. Raised in Ogden, she was a beacon of mindfulness and creativity, known for her caring and thoughtful approach to life. She was a woman of many talents and accomplishments, including a Sterling Scholar at Ogden High School (class of 1981), a Spencer W Kimball Scholar at BYU (class of 1984), an empathetic therapist and social worker, and skilled artist and musician. Most impo ..read more

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
 Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
 To the last syllable of recorded time;
 And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
 The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! 
Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
 That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
 And then is heard no more. It is a tale
 Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury
 Signifying nothing ..read more

 No Hard Feelings When my body won't hold me anymore And it finally lets me free Will I be ready? When my feet won't walk another mile And my lips give their last kiss goodbye Will my hands be steady when I lay down my fears, my hopes, and my doubts? The rings on my fingers, and the keys to my house With no hard feelings When the sun hangs low in the west And the light in my chest won't be kept held at bay any longer When the jealousy fades away And it's ash and dust for cash and lust And it's just hallelujah And love in thought, love in the words Love in the songs they sing in the churc ..read more

I've held off on any new posts because my focus has been on holding my shit together while my wife is dying. Jennifer has been in memory care for more than six years due to her disastrous diagnosis of early onset dementia (frontotemporal dementia). She has been slowly declining and a couple of months ago was placed on hospice. She's transitioning. No one knows how long she will live. We've had active dying, vigils, rallies, stable status, and all of the misery in between. People look to me to be the source of information and coordinator of everything and it's exhausting. I don't know how many ..read more

Last fall I reserved a place in a University of Utah-sponsored tour of the D-Day Beaches and battle sites in Normandy. It was an amazing trip, led by a retired Colonel and our group of 17. It was humbling to stand on Omaha beach at low tide and look at the 500+ yards those Americans had to walk under murderous crossfire before they could even fire any weapons. Our guide told us that we could draw a circle with a 10 foot radius anywhere on that beach and it would intersect with a spot where a GI died on June 6, 1944. Yet they persevered and within six hours had broken through the beach defenses ..read more

Last Thursday, March 2nd, I had another set of CT scans. For some reason, readings by the radiologists were not completed until today. Dr. Maughan had looked at the images and told me he didn't see anything that concerned him, so I wasn't too worried. But I waited on posting an update until all three readings were posted. Last Friday the abdomen/pelvis scan confirmed no new mets. On Saturday, the neck scan was likewise negative for mets, while observing that my left vocal cord was still frozen (and noting that my nose had been broken at some point in the past 60 years). This evening (Tuesday M ..read more

The past few months have been more eventful than usual.   Vocal cord issues In the past few months, I have been bothered by a frozen left vocal cord, which was caused by scar tissue created by radiation therapy in 2020 targeting a persistent tumor at the base of my neck. The frozen vocal cord makes it impossible for me to loudly call out to my grandkids behind the boat, or to sing, or to speak for more than 15-20 minutes. Having one vocal cord stuck in the closed position also restricts the airflow to and from my lungs, and causes me to become quickly winded. In August, I had a severe lar ..read more

 Highlights of yesterday’s CT scans:     1.    No new mets     2.    “There is persistent medialization of the true left vocal cord, medialization of the left arytenoid cartilage and minimal asymmetric dilatation of the left piriform sinus, compatible with left vocal cord paralysis.”     3.    “There is a transitional lumbosacral vertebral segment, which appears to represent a partially sacralized L5. There is narrowing of the L4-5 intervertebral disc space, consistent with degenerative disc disease ..read more

 I've been taking Xarelto since early September, when my regular 12 week scans revealed extensive pulmonary embolisms. My December scans showed that the PEs had abated, but my doctor said I should continue with the blood thinners because this was my second episode of PE's. In the past 12 weeks, I've kept seeing gross hematuria (visible blood in my urine), including a Sunday morning in January where the majority of my urinary output was bring red. I followed up with a urologic oncologist, who ordered a scan of my kidneys and ureters. That February 17 scan showed nothing out of the ordinary ..read more

A lot has happened in the twelve weeks since my last scans. On the medical side: In light of the finding that I had extensive pulmonary embolisms in my right lung, I immediately started taking Xarelto, front-loading with 30 mg per day for the first thirty days before dropping back to 20 mg/day. My oncologist, Dr. Maughan, has told me that since this is my second experience with PE, I'll probably taking blood thinners for the rest of my life.   A sonogram of my heart showed no clots or damage due to the PE. A ultrasound of my legs failed to find additional deep vein thrombosis clots ..read more