6 Ways Christian Privilege Manifests in the US  The United States is NOT a Christian Nation. While Christianity has been an influential religion in the United States (US) over the past several hundred years, it has never been the prescribed religion of the country. To state that the US is a Christian nation overlooks the rich diversity of religious beliefs and practices that exist and are celebrated in the country. Christianity is the largest religious orientation in the (US), as more than 70% of citizens identify as Christian. [i] In addition to being a member of the majority, US Chr ..read more

Resisting Genetic Relational Entitlement in Families “That sounds utterly selfish and self-centered,” wrote a reader of my blog,  How to Support Someone Who's Chosen Family Estrangement. “I do question your final paragraph in which you state that even if a person DOES feel safe, but doesn't feel they find personal value in the relationship, they too, should be supported in an estrangement decision.” The reader concluded, “That reasoning for estrangement is unacceptable, in my opinion,” (M. Patterson, personal communication, July 11, 2023). M. Patterson isn’t alone in their opinion. Many ..read more

How to Support Someone Who's Chosen Family Estrangement After my previous post, "How Family Estrangement May Benefit Trauma Survivors," some readers expressed appreciation for the validation it provided them, while others reported that the post was “dangerous” and could “cause harm to the family unit.” Some readers reported that they have a loved one who has chosen to become estranged from their family, and asked a common question: How do I help them?   For example:   “My husband hasn’t spoken to his mother for seven years. She was abusive to him and his brothers. At first, I didn ..read more

How Family Estrangement May Benefit Trauma Survivors It’s been years since I’ve seen or spoken to my mother, and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I was the perfect daughter who earned straight As, behaved well, and acted as a caretaker for my mother and younger brother. Then, I realized I had survived childhood emotional and physical neglect perpetrated by my parents, which negatively impacted my ability to thrive as an adult. When I decided to become estranged from my mother (my father had died years earlier), I made substantial progress in trauma recovery. My decision was not p ..read more

8 Questions to Ask Before Recommending Forgiveness Forgiveness isn’t the panacea that you may think it is. Research reports that forgiving can have a positive impact on one’s physical and mental health (Long, 2020). Yet, research does not indicate that forgiveness benefits everyone in every situation. Despite this distinction, many people recommend forgiveness without giving it a second thought. For this post, I will focus on interpersonal forgiveness in which the recommender is not the one who offended. Before recommending forgiveness, take a moment to identify your honest intentions and to ..read more

Debunking 4 Myths About Evidence-Based Treatments Mental-health clinicians and therapy clients often harbor inaccurate beliefs about evidence-based practices in psychology (EBPPs). The term “evidence-based practice” is defined by the American Psychological Association as “the integration of the best available research with clinical expertise in the context of patient characteristics, culture, and preferences.” 1  EBPPs—also referred to as evidence-based treatments (EBTs)—provide clinicians with scientifically validated information in order to assist them in developing treatment intervent ..read more

5 Methods to Calm Down Quickly When you experience intense anxiety, anger, or sadness, you might need to calm yourself. Do you know how? It’s important that you find self-calming methods that work best for you. Give these methods a try! 1. Play the “ABC Game”   When you’re experiencing intense emotions, your brain might need to quickly refocus, which may help calm you. The ABC game is a simple and engaging way for your brain to refocus. First, choose a topic that you find entertaining. This needs to be a topic that you know something about. A few examples of topics are names of cities ..read more

6 Steps to Reparenting Your Inner Child  If you experience repetitive behaviors that need to change, reparenting may help. In a therapy setting, reparenting occurs when the therapist takes on the role of a surrogate parent for their client. Yet, you can engage in reparenting outside of the therapeutic space by following these 6 steps.   1)    Identify a problem behavior   What’s a behavior that you would like to change? Try to narrow it down to one behavior. Eating unhealthy foods, staying up late to play video games or watch movies, avoiding exercise, procrastinating ..read more

10 Things Not to Say to Trauma Survivors “I don’t know what to say” is a phrase I often hear from the loved ones of trauma survivors. If you have a loved one who is a trauma survivor, your relationship with them can have a positive impact on their recovery. In order to establish and strengthen a safe relationship with them, it helps to know what to say to them—and what not to say. Consider using (or avoiding) these phrases: 1. Instead of saying “It’s in the past,” try, “You’re safe now.” Feeling safe is a vital part of trauma recovery. Trauma survivors know that their experiences are in the ..read more

Alternatives to the Question “How Are You?” “How are you?” “I’m fine.” “Are you really fine?” “No, but that’s not what you want to hear.” Do you truly want to know about someone’s well-being? If so, the question “how are you?” may not be the best option. The question “how are you?” tends to invite responses that are short, inaccurate, superficial, and polite. If that’s not want you want, then you might consider a few alternatives. I came across a social media post from Whitney Hawkins Goodman (LMFT@sitwithwhit) titled “Questions You Can Ask Instead of “How Are You?,” and I was intrigued by h ..read more