For many survivors of complex trauma, the holiday season can be an evocative time. It can bring up anxiety about setting boundaries with difficult family members, grief regarding the people you are not spending the holidays with, or a sense of gratitude about the past year of growth and healing. Let’s talk about how to navigate the holiday season with complex trauma ..read more

In a sequel to the blog titled “How to Survive the Holidays with Your Partner,” I present to you some reflective questions and tips for how to cope with seeing family this holiday season ..read more

You’ve done a whole lot of preparation: you’ve thought of what you want to tell your loved one, why, which triggers might come up and how to soothe yourself accordingly, which questions you’ll field (and won’t), when to take breaks, and whether you want to talk about the impact of your trauma on your relationship with the person you’re telling. You’ve even practiced soothing with triggers and taking breaks as needed to help your central nervous system feel safe when you’re distressed. The question is, how do we translate all of that work into having the conversation itself? Let’s talk about it ..read more

There are many things that can lead to you no longer feeling connected to your partner or your relationship not functioning in the way you would like. Let’s dive into some key patterns that will kill the connection in your relationship ..read more

Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s what our brains and our bodies do in reaction to the heartbreaking and devastating reality of loss. We humans are extremely resilient, and a vast majority of us will find a way back to living a meaningful life in our own time. Sometimes though, we can get derailed in that natural grieving process and that’s when it may be time to reach out for support.  ..read more

So, you have an idea of what you want to say to a loved one about what you’ve gone through. You’ve thought about what might come up for you, and practiced soothing yourself in different ways. So what’s next? Planning for what you might specifically need from the conversation and person you’ll be telling. Let's talk about it ..read more

I have had many patients come to therapy with me and say that talk therapy has not been helpful for them. Specifically, I hear the same complaint over and over: I felt like all I did was talk and open up, and I didn’t feel like there was a direction to therapy. When I hear complaints like this, I always want to start with some education about what trauma therapy looks like. Let's dive in ..read more

Oomph, so you lost something. You lost something or someone that you loved. We often go so fast as a society, we celebrate the successes and wins, and we tend to ignore the pain associated with loss and grief, or put a time limit on it. Especially non-death-related grief and loss. This is an awful reality to endure for someone grieving. Let’s dive into how processing grief may look as a trauma survivor ..read more

If you often find yourself in conflict with your partner which leads to yelling, there are a few things you can try to help create an environment for more productive conversation can occur. There should be very few reasons for you to yell or be yelled at, so trying a timeout protocol may help limit this way of engaging in conflict.  ..read more

What is shame? The dictionary definition is “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming or impropriety.” One study even defined shame as “negative emotions in which the feeling of global self-evisceration is experienced.” Global self-evisceration. Oof! Shame is extremely unpleasant and painful, and it can affect one’s identity and self-esteem.  ..read more